Selfish Anger

I went back to the Academy after a short pleasure walk. I do nothing other than study prana and refine my control of my body. Through practice, and making it my own gave me confidence that at least some part was through me alone. Not through the will of a wraith that runs my body.

I swung my sword and cut through the air and dust. The sword that I held vibrated at the method of how I swung. My hands visibly shook and through regular practice that I was able to somewhat get a feel of my abilities. Raising my sword upright, I swung it on the ground, a slit formed in the dust as I breathed in, then out before going back to my normal stance.

Practice made my ears perked when hearing any noises. I'd discovered that through regular practice I was able to somewhat make this in my own. After taking a breather, I sat on the side of the stone staircase leading down the sand field where I got to take in the air before me. I'm consumed by the idea of facing the red dragon that I have thoroughly neglected forming any connection. Not that anyone would ever come to hunt down a red dragon. I was able to to think that I could hunt a red dragon because of my current state of being.

I may have underestimated the state of my body with how little I trained it. Indeed, the wraith's essence was able to refine my body, making me stronger than ever, but I cannot deny that I was not truly refining that I could have refined.

The Bell of the Academy sounded out. With the Bell making a sound, I hurried out of the field before I could meet any students and returned to my room in the dorm. Friends had told me that I should not spend time alone, nevertheless, I see no point in forming bonds with the students when my mind is consumed by the thought of killing the red dragon.

Once again, I made my peace that this was it. That this might be it. It doesn't matter how much I try to redeem myself when the thought of the dragon made me want to destroy it. All I could think was how to destroy the red dragon, and then try to feel some pride in my being.

Light entered through glass pane of my room. I sat cross-legged, circulated my prana, and let the prana refine my body by learning how to control the flow of it. My reservoir of prana was large enough that it could support this refinement that I was following through the knowledge that the wraith has bestowed upon me. I'd heard that there was an event in the academy, but there was a need for me to endure the practice so I could not join the event. Not that I would have the interest in going to such event where I do not belong.

I could hear the event going on. From the looks of it the students were meeting and greeting each other. If I remember then this would be the best time to present oneself to various nobles and monarchs who might be interested in making a connection.

I remained in my room without a single thought of going outside. I locked my door just in case and sat cross-legged, cultivating my prana, refining my body, and practicing my control over it. This is what I did for the rest of the evening, and when I noticed the time, most of the students were back to their respective bedrooms, snoring or having a good time with their fellow students, drowning themselves in pleasure.

I admit that there is a part of me to enjoy such youth. To have a body like this and not use it to bed some girls would be criminal, unfortunately the thought of coitus gives me worries. There is this beast inside of me that wants to get out, let loose, and have night's fun. There are times where I want to let loose as I hear some of the moans coming from the other bedrooms. It was usually the time to get laid and enjoy the Academy. It was rather irritating listening to them so I left my room, went to the training field where I practiced my swordplay once more. I started a fight in my head, simulating what it would be like to fight a red dragon. I imagined it as if one wrong move means death. I managed to get a hold of himself, but the fight that was happening made me unable to stay calm.

Each strike from the dragon would wound me. Despite lowering the difficulty of the dragon before me. I realized that the fear in my heart remain. The red dragon that my father and brothers fought was nothing compared to the one I'm trying to kill. The urgency, the fear, and the wanting made me think of what must be done when faced with such foe.

What I was doing this for? I asked myself. It wasn't for my daughter. It wasn't to impress anyone. I admit truly that all of this was just me playing at revenge. I understand that. I understand that I am losing control of my desire. I thought that I could at least think twice about this blessing given to me. But the anger, the fear, and the wrath of the wraith in me was telling me that I must kill this dragon for the sake of my sanity.

Under the moonlight I swung training blade. I swung it again and again until I could feel my limbs go stiff. It came to me that I was being hasty. That was I being foolish at the thought of destroying this red dragon. I could feel my prana go out of control for a moment, and it was only then that I stopped and returned back to my room.