Lost and cold

Dean Archer

April 24th

I lay in the driver seat, my head pressing against the airbag as I drool over it, my eyes bloodshot in the rear-view mirror. My somewhat thick and lengthy eyebrows were snatched together, wrinkled. My head felt heavy and boy, was my hair a mess.

The last thing that I remembered doing was. . .my head fell victim to a jolt of soft pain when i tried to remember. My head was like a city going through a black out. I felt unbearably irritated and agitated to the point i had urges to do self harm, for which i seemed too exhausted for the moment.

It was tempting.

Jumping off a cliff or banging my head on a tree till i pass out and then bleed to death.

Oh, how nice it would be to die.

I could tell it was night-time, the oddly soothing scent of turned earth hung in the air, there was a yellowish, dim light in the car, i turned to realize it was the interior light of the car.

i struggled to process what lay beyond my gaze. I lifted my head further up and craned my neck to see beyond the windshield as my eyes slid to a tree right in front of the car, the car's front had crashed against it, the car's bonnet was a jagged mess. As if the heaviness i felt in my head wasn't enough, now my heart felt like it was sinking.

Well-being seemed a distant memory, not that i was able to recall anything at the moment. I took another look at myself in the mirror, I wasn't exactly the hottest hunk, and the blood dripping from the side of my forehead and running down my lips didn't help.

I'm sure my looks had seen better days. Or had they? I couldn't seem to fathom.

I squinted a bit then looked away, curling my fingers around the door handle before i realised I couldn't open the door, it was stuck, i pushed at it again and again, but to no avail.

I contemplated the blurred glass window, and the long pavement stretching out into foggy nothingness before it, tall trees and darkness engulfing the edges. I hit the window with my elbow, in an attempt to shatter it, three times before i realised that at the moment i was too fatigued and weakened, my heart was pounding in my chest and i was ringing with panic and anxiety. It felt like my arms were hollow, and that they would crumble if i tried anymore, as if some invisible force rendered my limbs rigid.

I glanced at the backseat to look for anything heavy that i could use to break the window, then my eyes landed on a handgun, I couldn't believe my eyes. What was a gun doing there? Fear spiked my heart, another nail plunged into my coffin of bravery. My head hurt from trying to remember if i had anything to do with the gun's presence. Maybe it was for self-defence, every assumption i made about my own self felt empty, nice. It was like i was thrown into a pit of ignorance, and as if a curtain was cast over my own self, hiding myself from me.

I immediately pushed backwards, glancing around, there was no one around, which may have been a good or a bad thing, I wasn't sure, not after finding out that gun. Also, it seemed like the only company I'd have in an area like this was that of wild, hostile animals. Either way, i had to get out, using the gun to shatter the window was my only option, considering how weak and powerless my body felt.

I took a gulp and mustered the courage and resolve to reach out for the gun, hoping it had bullets, clinging to fragile hopes, i extended my arm, patting the backseat as i desperately tried to land my hand on the gun, i felt pathetically weak.

After what felt like an eternity, i finally grasped onto the gun and brought it close to my chest, gazing upwards as i heaved a sigh. I checked if it was loaded, the way it fit ij my hand almost seemed comforting. I then formed a weak grip as my hands trembled, i pointed it to the glass window, curled my index around the trigger and took a deep breath, squeezed my eyes shut and pulled the trigger.

My ears were engulfed in what was seemingly an explosion laced with the unpleasantness of shattering glass. i shot again, now the glass was easier to break, even if it didn't shatter, should've paid attention during physics class. had i attended any? Must've. . .right?

I tucked the handgun in my pocket and struggled to crouch atop the seat, then lunged out of the window, the glads shattered easily thanks to the cracks left by the gunshot.

I fell at the rough ground as my back creaked. I squeezed my eyes shut and grunted. Rolling over, i struggled on all fours, pulling myself up to stand. I felt dizzy, as i swayed and pressed my back against the car. Heaving deep breaths. My stomach growled, i scanned the car's interior for any sign of food, but found nothing.

The silence was shattered by the approaching roar of engine and tires rolling from far behind into the pavement, i carried myself to the middle of the pavement and began waving my hands into the air, a grin lifting the edges of my mouth as I yelled; "Help! Help!"

The car skidded to a stop at around ten yards away from me, before my eyes, a tall bald man dressed in lengthy black stepped out from the Toyota truck and studied me with a skeptical face, pointing a handgun at me.

Genuinely perplexed, i threw my hands in the air and took a few steps back, gulping.

"I won't. Ask. A second. Time." He scowled at me with an expression so cold that'd make an iceberg blush. "The human enhancement serum, where is it?"

I knitted my eyebrows together in pure perplexity, what serum is he talking about? "I've no idea what you're talking about."

The man kept his stare locked on me and then abruptly pointed the gun at my feet, shooting at the ground before me. Panic rang fresh through me and my eyes teared up as i fell backwards; "Please, please," there was a pitiable crack in my voice, "just take me home, I don't know what. . ." Darkness engulfed the edges of my vision and i slipped into perfect blackness, the last thing i had seen was the silhouette of that man, putting away his gun.

Screams. Sharp pain. The scent of medicine laced with fear and terror. As if pooling into my body, rendering me in an inescapable state of hopelessness and torment. Prolonged nightmares haunted my restless sleep, oddly exhausting. Then consciousness jolted me and i threw my upper body upwards, quite surprisingly, my eyes took no time at all to adjust to the dark, and the odd powerlessness and fatigue was gone. The room was lamplit and dim. Engulfed in yellowness, giving off a medieval vibe. The same bald man was standing before me at the far end of the room, his shoulders hunched against the table.

To my surprise, all the injuries i had were gone.

He looked me over, then let out a 'hmm'. Then walked up to me. For the first few minutes he just kept studying me, as if he was a tailor who needed my sizes. Except he wasn't using a measuring tape, holy fuck that'd be creepy.

"You seriously. . ." His accent was surprisingly chill and humorous. "Don't remember the events from the night before yesterday?" he asked, arching a brow as he tilted his head

I tried to press my palm against the side of my head, realising I was shackled to the bed, why in the name of jesus and his holy crew? I didn't protest or struggle, or complain, I was lucky to be alive. "It hurts from trying to remember."

He let out a chuckle, the chuckle transitioned to a wave of uncontrollable laughter, it was almost as if he was mocking me. "That's a funny way to say 'I murdered Farren Ennova and stole vials of the Ennova serum along with the formula for it' no?"

Panic rang fresh through every bone in my body, I couldn't process the accusation. i didn't even know that person or that serum. "What serum? Whose Farren Ennova?" My eyes teared up and my lips trembled. "I s-swear to God I can't remember anything!"

"Let's say i am convinced you are victimised by retrograde amnesia, I still, have all the evidence in the world suggesting everything that I won't go through the second time."

"I-" i was rendered at a loss of words, if he has proof it can't be helped. Moreover, what DO i know about myself anyway? For all i know i could be most wanted. . .but my presence behind bars for doing something i cant even remember doing felt like suffering for another person's actions. Tears rolled down my cheeks.

He stared at me for a fee long seconds, then the hint of a sneer touched his lips. "But, I have a proposition for you."

I gulped, i was scared shitless. I just wanted to go home. . .and had no idea what i meant by home. One thing was for certain, i was not going to be a part of this. "Listen, I-"

"Shut up!" His voice rang out and rendered me at an absolute loss of words. "And listen. Every day, every night, and even as we speak, at Ennova Human Testing, people are experimented upon without their consent, illegally. David Ennova, the founder and owner of the Facility, his connections and influence, keep the dangers that come along with this wrongdoing at bay. After years of research, Ennova's daughter, Farren Ennova, developed a serum that biologically enhances a human, and its capabilities as a human. Strength, speed, agility, you name it. It's classified information, top secret, the majority of employees at the facility themselves, not know. But there was a little inconvenience, the serum came with its side effects, when injected onto a human subject, the subject would become mentally unstable, and die within days, sometimes hours, sometimes they go rogue and commit atrocious acts. The transitions do not exclude that of the appearance, which can be horrifying and bizarre. You're the only one, who managed to avoid those side effects, the reason i do not know, but seems you have seizures now and then too.

"Now, the 'rational' decision would have been to mindlessly hand you over to the police, had it been someone else in my place, and had you not held such importance." He finished.

I stared wide-eyed, in disbelief, this was one bad joke, but unlike jokes, this was too much to take in, and too dangerous to be a part of. "Are you entirely sure i am the guy you're looking for? How do you know I'm a victim of this human enhancement. . . .thingie?" I asked, as a knot formed in my stomach, a lump forming in my throat.

He drove his pitch black gaze over to the side of the room, where lay a broken chair and rope that seemed to have been pulled apart, as if by an animal, ripped. "You did that in your sleep." He said blankly, his voice fearless and stern, quite matching his expression.

My eyebrows shot up, bad impression self, bad impression. "Would you. . .run experiments on me?" I asked, i shook with the same absolute fear I experienced during the nightmares, I couldn't exactly remember what i saw, i only remembered the scent of the medicine, oddly evil, lacing the environment with fear, it haunted me. I felt very much like a pussy, yes, but i silently prayed he wouldn't be the same as those people testing on humans.

He smirked. "None that wouldn't be for your own betterment and well-being."

I would be relieved to hear that had i not just realised i was connected to some fear-striking real-life-superhuman-shit.

"I don't know much about you." He said. "Unfortunately neither do you. But we can both come to an agreement, you'll fight for me, I'll keep you safe and take the necessary precautions to keep the seizures at bay, and, assure your well-being." He elaborated.

My heart was struggling in my chest, like an animal gnawing at the bars of its cage, felt like it kept pushing against my ribs from the inside. My unsteady breathing did little to help. I was shackled to a rough, single bed, and my only chance at life was fighting for him, but i had no idea what kind of fighting, against whom? The overwhelming guilt from the murder that I apparently committed came crashing down on me as a tear ran down my eye. It was crippling, i felt irreparably fear-stricken, what would the future bring for me? Can i even fight? Where do I even get the resolve? Would fighting for him be a way to redeem myself?

I frowned, my facial features set in lines of grief. "Who do i fight against? For what cause?" I asked, my voice barely loud enough to be heard, burdened with guilt, sorrow and self-pity.

A faint smile lifted the corners of his mouth. "We're both going to bring an end to Ennova, you're going to help me, and in return I'm going to clear your name, reshape your life."

The offer was tempting. . . .but i was such a pussy. "W-What use will I be of?" I asked, full of fear.

"As I said, you're the only one who managed to avoid the majority of the side effects that come along with the Ennova serum, as for the seizures, leave that to me. You'll have to be consistently medicated to avoid the seizures. And your abilities. . .I'll help you utilise them, they'll be of use in bringing down Ennova, along with the Human Testing facility, it's virtually impossible for an ordinary human to break into it, let alone bring it down, your case is different." He said.

"How do you know so much about them? Unless. . .You belonged there? Why'd you conspire to bring them down, then?" i asked, i could barely process all this information, everything flew past my brain.

"It's a long story, I belonged to an Anti-crime Organization; "Defiance". I was tasked with the infiltration of the Ennova Human Testing and the retrieval of the formula for the Human Enhancement serum, also known as Ennova serum, and destroying the entire stock, without causing any human damage. Could never get my hands on the serum, the security system. . .it was too 'tight' and flawless."

Definitely not one of those people testing on humans.

He contemplated; "It was hard enough to take the position of a lab technician there, spent enough time to get what was going on, mainly overheard shit. Then one night, there's this security breach alert. 'A subject has fled the facility, he has stolen the product of years of research.' I assume it was you. I have no idea why and how you did what you did, but you murdered Farren Ennova, and stole vials of the Ennova serum, along with the formula. I chased you down to retrieve it all and take it to Defiance's base, but as you were sleeping, i was informed the Defiance is in shambles.

"That's all I know as of yet, i searched your car, found a handgun and the body of Farren Ennova. Now, you in or. . . ?" He finished.

I was dumbfounded, the burden seemed overwhelmingly daunting. My eyes teared up as I scanned the man, fear and anxiety spiked my heart as shuddering chills skittered down my spine. I only wish i could remember better days, something to cling to, something meaningful, some happy moments, some meaning to my suffering too, perhaps. Who was i kidding? I had killed a woman, even if that woman scarred people for their lives, cursing them. I deserve this, i brought it all on myself. I just wish i could die, maybe die fighting, as I contemplated that, i was jolted by a silent 'no' that came from the bottom of my heart. I had to set things right, no matter how scared i was, I couldn't pussy out now. I'll work hard, as hard as i could, regardless of what i feel and how strongly my guilt and fear tried to pull me back, what matters is what I do regardless of how i feel, right? If i bring down the Ennova facility and save the lives of hundreds of humans using my abilities, with the aid of this man, I'll be something i could take pride in, someone who would be the reason of hope for hundreds of humans, that have been constantly tormented, and still continue to be so. Even as we speak, they're both mentally and physically tortured to the point they may have been driven crazily hopeless, just as i had been, but if only i bring myself to agree, man up and fight, I could put an end to this. Because it seems like I'm the only one who can do so.

I narrowed together my eyebrows, my eyes seemingly drowning in the waters of grief, my lips pursed together to form a thin line as a penetrated the space between me and the old man with a glare. "I'm in."

His face collapsed into a relieved and hopeful grin; "Hell yeah, can you remember your name?" He asked, uncontrollably smiling.

A sense of familiarity descended over me, my name, I had remembered it, for some reason it sparked a tiny bit of joy in me. "Dean." I gave utterance in an almost hushed tone. "Dean Archer."

"Gavin." The eccentric man said.