Chapter 67:
For the rest of my week-long break, I had been barraged by my previously repressed memories during my slumber. To say that I wasn't happy with my findings would be an understatement. I had a vague understanding of what my past self was like, and I was a huge bitch. There was also a tiny amount of sympathy I felt for my past self, but it was still overpowered by my disappointment.
My first dream on Monday kickstarted the entire memory regaining process, and a part of me wishes it had never happened, that I could have lived blissfully without them. I now assumed that the awakening of my powers was the trigger of this process.
My boredom and curiosity towards what my 'quirk' would evolve into had led me down this path of self-rediscovery, no matter how much I wish it didn't.
Looking back on the first memory that was unlocked, I truly wished that I stuck to my guns and tried my best to ignore them. Something I managed to do for an entire 10 minutes on the day that it happened. Yet another case of my boredom getting the better of me.
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My first dream revealed the name 'Victoria' to me and had my own mocking laughter played back to me on loop like a broken record. A bizarre thing to dream of, that was my first impression of it at least. Who was Victoria? A question I wish I never had answers to, yet I got them eventually.
The name Victoria... a name belonging to a person that I had no idea who existed in my life, despite them being a pretty important part of it from before my time on earth, and a person I terrorized for decades.
My sick, mocking, laughter disgusted me now I knew the reason behind it. I knew that the current me was sadistic and had a despair fetish to boot, but I didn't think I would stoop so low as I did in the past. There was a limit to things, a line that I don't think should be crossed, yet this past version of me was so far past the line that it was no longer in her view.
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My second dream, which I now reasoned to be a memory of mine that was repressed, revealed a familiar voice to me. It was a mournful and melancholic voice belonging to someone claiming to be a child of mine. The words spoken were,
"Mother… As much as it pains me to do so, I shall grant you your wish. I hope you can change for the better… you were once so kind."
Words that now hurt me much more than they did initially. My child was mourning the loss of me- or rather -the person I used to be, the me they remembered when I created them. It revealed that there was indeed a person that was repressing my memories, and they were my child.
It was a big thing that weighed on my conscience the entire day following it. Yet, that wasn't going to be the biggest revelation that would be revealed to me. Something I, so desperately, wish wasn't true.
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My third dream/memory that was revealed to me was much more in-depth when it came to the emotions attached to them. I was bored, curious, frustrated, envious and many other emotions at once. Instead of any words being spoken I was left with my thoughts and flashing images.
I saw humanity evolving from the barbaric caveman that was immensely stupid, to the point it was almost endearing. I saw myself helping them on occasion, like making sure they developed some minor survival instincts, so they wouldn't set themselves on fire or anything too detrimental.
They were my pets, and adorable little creatures that I looked down upon fondly as a maternal figure. However, as they evolved, they began to turn into what I currently knew humanity as. The literal scum of the earth was what I viewed them as.
The constant feelings of anger and frustration kept building up as I watched humanity make every stupid decision they possibly could, yet they were satisfied with them. A feeling the past version of me seemingly longed for, the feeling of satisfaction, the sensation of feeling complete. It was such a simple thing, yet my old self couldn't achieve it. She was too busy focusing on her impossible goal of perfection.
They no longer resembled the moronic ape-humans that I adored for their stupidity. They were now fully-fledged modern-day humans that I held no love for. I had given them so much, even that is an understatement, yet they wanted more, and it came at the cost of the planet. I had given them everything, without me, they would never have existed, yet their greed knew no bounds.
When I awoke the following morning after experiencing those dreams, I was the angriest I had ever been. My emotions were out of control as I awoke, and none of the emotions I was feeling were pleasant. A small part of me kept nudging me to erase humanity, but the larger part of me didn't want that, there was no point in doing so other than to indulge in my past self's desires.
It took me soaking in a lavender-scented bath for an extended time before I calmed down enough to where I could operate normally, and process the information I had gotten. Even then, I had to vent in sparring sessions against my clones before I had fully calmed down.
I was old enough to watch over humanity as they evolved, so I was obviously super old. Then, I had the powers and an ego and god complex to match them. When I ignore all of the negative emotions, watching humanity evolve was endlessly fascinating to me.
It also explained my child's mourning words the night before. I had changed from watching over humanity fondly, to abhorring them over time. Perhaps my child was a human that I raised? But, I wrote that line of thinking off as nonsense, as a human wouldn't have been able to grant any wishes that I couldn't do for myself. I would also find out just who my child was later on in the week.
The conclusion that I reached at the time was that I was a deity of some kind or a member of an alien race that was tasked to watch over Earth's life. Both were ridiculous in their own rights, yet neither of them was inherently wrong as I came to find out later on in the week.
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The fourth dream/memory was less of a dream and more of a nightmare than anything. It showed me the depths of where I could fall if I didn't have an anchor to reality. I wanted to puke after seeing what I did- or rather -what my past self did, and I did puke.
It was a shock to Momo, as she witnessed me teleport into the bathroom before overhearing my retching while I puked my stomach contents out into the toilet bowl. She had only ever seen me vomit once, and it was after Toga managed to convince me that her cooking tasted better than it looked. It was a shock to myself as well, I didn't think I was capable of puking anymore due to my physique and quirks, I guess I just 'wanted to puke' and my body auto-piloted from there.
I reassured her that I was okay and that it would be dealt with soon so she didn't have to worry about me. It was the biggest lie that I had probably ever told Momo as of recent, I definitely was not okay.
I finally found out just who this Victoria person was. She was an innocent soul that was played with and tortured emotionally by the person I once was. I didn't want to acknowledge that I would have ever done such things to Victoria Rose, but I knew that it was indeed me behind those terrible acts and that there was no amount of denial that could let me hide from that fact.
I watched on helplessly as memories of me tormenting her flashed through my mind. I toyed with her for 22 out of her 26 years alive on earth, a place she wasn't even meant to exist in initially. She was born in the Pokemon universe, but my past self decided she was the perfect toy/experiment as Victoria held something she didn't, she was complete.
My past self wanted to see if she could break Victoria's 'completeness', to see if she could break the hero that Victoria was. However, she didn't want to harm her physically, as it may have damaged Victoria's 'completeness' if she did, so she settled on seeing if external factors could break her. It was also to see if she, a person who couldn't be harmed physically, could have any future 'completeness' she may obtain damaged by external factors.
It was a sick and twisted game she played, but my past self got nothing if not enjoyment from venting trillions of years worth of pent-up frustration onto Victoria, an innocent person.
Victoria's mother? My past self caused her to die of a heart attack on Victoria's fourth birthday when the candles on the cake were blown out. Victoria's father? The ceiling above where he stood collapsed and a wardrobe fell on top of his head from the room above, he died while on the phone to the hospital. That was only the start of my past self's sick experiment, there were 22 more years of that.
There were so many more things done to worsen that poor woman's life by me, that I wanted to repress the memories myself. I mean seriously? I was giving out terminal illnesses to anyone close to Victoria like they were candy on Halloween!
I watched as I influenced every single bad thing that would happen to Victoria, and I almost slipped into denial. The deaths that I caused didn't affect me as much as watching Victoria's downward spiral did. Watching as Victoria turned to alcohol, drugs, and sex as a crutch to feel something other than sadness and helplessness because my past actions were deeply uncomfortable.
However, Victoria didn't completely break, or lose her 'completeness', like my past self wanted to see. She miraculously held on despite every fucked up thing that I did to her. It was a silver lining, as slim as it may be, because if she did break, I had no idea what my past self would have done after getting the results that she wanted. But, what I do know was that whatever it would have been, it wouldn't have been nice for the other parties involved.
The final part of my reign of terror over this poor woman was interrupted. I had manifested as an avatar and began working as her secretary. She grew close to my past self while I was in the position, as I wasn't affected by the 'curse' she believed she had, and the 'relationship' was all planned to be ended in one huge fight before Victoria died due to some lightning strikes.
It was by far the most unpleasant of my memories and something that answered two questions of mine. I had found out who Victoria was, she was an innocent person I tormented for decades. I had also found a reason why my child said I had changed because I certainly did.
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The fifth dream was much tamer compared to the previous two. Actually, it was much tamer than all previous dreams, as it didn't leave me with any questions, and there were no unwelcome emotions attached to it.
Instead of the tears and depressive episodes of the previous memory, the dream consisted of nothing but images. I watched as the nothingness of the void was eventually overtaken by the creation of everything. It was mesmerizing how the pitch-black void was illuminated by the creation of the multiverse.
I awoke soon after, making it the shortest dream so far, but it definitely had more content compressed into the short time span compared to others. I spent the first hour after waking up looking through my newly gained memories and being entranced by the beauty that creation presented. I definitely didn't look at the sleeping Momo by my side as I called creation beautiful, no, definitely not…
My question of whether or not I was a deity was answered, along with confirming that I was indeed super old. In fact, I was the oldest thing ever. My best guess was that I was indeed a deity, actually, I was probably the only deity that mattered but nobody knew about. Granted; that discovery didn't help my ego quell in the slightest, in truth, it inflated it to unforeseen heights. I even foolishly challenged Eri to a Tetris duel, where I suffered humiliation at her tiny hands, resulting in my ego deflating back down to reasonable levels once more.
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The sixth dream unlocked the repressed memories related to my alleged child previously revealed to me in my second dream. This mysterious child of mine was something that weighed on my conscience throughout the entire week. Sure, it may not have been the most pressing matter at the forefront of my mind, but it was certainly something that worried me.
I hated terrible parents with a passion, especially those that abandon their children, probably stemming from my time on earth. The only solace that I had when it came to my past self's child was that they were old and capable enough to take care of themselves before they granted whatever my wish was.
While I was happily asleep after finally giving Momo her due reward for winning the sports festival, I only did so to take my mind off of things briefly, which was a very satisfying experience for her. She wanted to top me, which I wasn't against. Sure, my preference was to top, but I could be a switch for the right person, and Momo was absolutely that person for me.
The night before going to sleep, however, was Momo acting out her desires on me and testing out various kinks she thought she had. It was a night of experimenting for her, which I happily played along with, even if it meant being strapped into my wife's R-18 version of Sir Nighteye's tickle machine. I was shocked, whipped, penetrated, tickled, spanked, it was a masochistic dream. I played up my enjoyment of it a fair amount, to satisfy Momo's top needs for the night.
It ended with her discovering that she wasn't a top. Shocking, I know. She much preferred being the one topped instead of the other way around. She did, however, want to top me again on rare occasions in the future to freshen things up, to which I happily agreed. We were going to live for a very long time, eternally if Momo desires immortality because it's not something I just force onto someone. So, we would require those nights to keep things interesting for both of us.
The dream started with me floating over an expansive golden area that looked as if everything was made of clouds, it looked divine and gave off the feeling of serenity as I gazed at the scenery. Eventually, I watched on as I began to create something out of a part of myself. It was an odd sensation as I felt something rip out of me, it was the concept of love. I had given my love to form my creation, my child.
Something I reasoned in hindsight to be completely idiotic on my part. It was probably the reason for my gradually decreasing kindness, as I lost the ability to love over time. But, I could understand my past self's reasoning behind the decision, it just wasn't the correct one in my eyes.
My creation took the shape of a human male and looked as divine as its surroundings. It was my child, and they looked eerily familiar to me, much more so than other memories so far. Before I had time to dwell on their appearance, the interaction between me and my child started.
"Welcome to the land of the living, my child."
It was the first time I had heard my past voice that wasn't in hysterical laughter or a twisted tone of voice. My voice was much calmer, and measured, almost resembling my voice after awakening my quirk.
"Thank you, mother. What is your purpose for creating me?"
"I was curious about what would happen if I, a person that witnessed creation, made my own creation. As there was nothing to reproduce with apart from myself, this was the only way to do so."
A rather terrible reason for creating a child, but I didn't focus on it.
"What do I do now?"
At this point, I knew that my past self had no idea what to answer that question with. But it seems as if no matter how much time has passed, I will always go with the flow and make up shit on the spot in a hard situation.
"I think it is best if you watch over creation, and maintain order. I gave you my love, use that love to empower yourself, and rule kind but firm over creation. But, most importantly, aspire to be the best you that you can be. In short, become the one that stands above all, my son."
"I should aspire to be the one above all? Even above yourself, mother?"
"Only time will tell if you can achieve that or not, count it as your final goal in existence. I shall leave you be, for now, this domain is yours to control and manipulate to whatever it is that you desire. Make good use of the love I have bestowed upon you, son."
The dream ended promptly afterward. I had my questions answered about just who my child was, he was the one above all- or rather -he was God. It wasn't the knowledge I wanted to wake up to on a Sunday morning, with Sunday ironically being a day of worship in Christianity. I ignored that major revelation in my life when Momo asked for hugs, which overpowered my mind as it was gradually processing the information.
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The final, and seventh, dream revealed what my past self's master plan was last night, and I wasn't surprised by most of it. I think I was numb to surprise revelations by now. Then again, I think anyone in my shoes would be with the amount of shit being revealed this week. I wanted to kick back and relax for the week, not find out I was a huge bitch and God's mother!
I've kept the dreams and unlocked memories a secret from Momo until I had the entire picture. I wasn't going to explain a half-told story to Momo, hell, I wasn't even sure that I would be telling this to Momo at all. I knew it would eat me up on the inside eventually if I didn't, but I wanted to postpone that talk for as long as I could.
This master plan of my past self revolved around having the One Above All, her child, remove her powers, and force her into a mortal shell as a human, so she could potentially gain the 'completeness' that she dearly sought. She knew that if she had just asked, then he wouldn't have granted it, he held too much love for her to punish her. Unfortunately, he was the only person that could punish her, as he was made from her, and therefore was the only person that could affect her.
So, she decided to kill two birds with one stone. She ran her experiments on humanity's sensation of feeling complete on Victoria, which would force his hand and allow her to see if humanity's 'completeness' could be broken from outside factors. It would also guarantee that Victoria, her test subject, would be given a chance at a better life in her old world, as she knew her son wouldn't let her suffer for long without being paid some compensation.
It wasn't good enough reasoning for me to accept my past decisions, but I could do nothing about it. Victoria had already suffered and died.
I just hoped that she had the chance to reincarnate or was returned to her homeworld free of her trauma. Because, as nice as I'm sure compensation would be, she had still suffered for decades at my hands, and that trauma just doesn't go away overnight. Then there were the countless innocents surrounding Victoria that I hurt and killed to affect Victoria as well, they deserved some compensation too.
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(Momo POV)
I awoke from my rather comfortable rest to the sight of Sakuya staring aimlessly off into space. It was as if every single time she woke up her life was turned upside down, yet she said nothing of it to me. I have no idea what happened during this week while I was away, but something big has almost certainly happened to her.
I trusted that she would tell me eventually when she was ready to share whatever it is that she sees in her sleep. So, I didn't push her. I didn't like secrets being kept from me, especially those that affect people I care about, but I understood that Sakuya needed her space and privacy to work things out for herself for the time being.
Privacy and space or not, though, I was getting my morning hugs no matter what. I don't like starting my day without them and only do so when Sir Nighteye needs me over at his agency for an emergency meeting.
I reached over and dragged myself so I was happily settled on top of her. I planted a kiss on her cheeks, which she returned as soon as she got back to her senses, and I felt her arms wrap around me. Being held, such a simple thing, but it meant the world to me when she did it. There were no words needed between us as we lay in each other's arms in complete silence because everything was right with the world.
(A/N: This will be the last chapter for around a week-ish time. My birthday is on the 9th and my friends decided it would be fun to take a road trip, two of their birthdays are on the 8th, across the UK. I don't know when the trip is planned to end, so don't panic if there aren't any updates next week etc.)