05| dreams

D A R E K

I heard it.

It was like she was here, right next to me. Her laugh echoed, her eyes twinkling as I watch her joyful self. It made me happy- so happy that I had put that smile on her face. That I was the one who made her laugh. I admired every feature; her dark skin looked perfect with her light ginger colored hair. Her big eyes- were perfectly made, the lights, lighting them up even more. She was surreal. She looked absolutely out of this world- I meant it what I was saying. Her Amber orbs making contact with mine.

Beauty.

She was the epitome of beauty. Her face was small, she bit her pink bottom lip, tucking it under her teeth before releasing it. Smiling to reveal her sparkly white teeth. She was like a doll. A real life doll. She hit her knee, throwing her head back, still laughing. I was too admired by her beauty to even remember what I had said to make her laugh like that.

Her curvy figure stood up. "Y- you-" She struggles as she continues to silent laugh. "Oh my gosh I can't breathe-" My lips curve up into a smile. "Damn it I hate you," she jokes but widens her eyes quickly after she said that. "N-no I don't mean- like I hate you, hate you or anything. It was just the funniest joke I've ever heard,"

"You've definitely become my favorite person to talk to," I was pretty sure my eyes lit up. "I am?" she rests her hand in the empty kitchen sink.

Warm.

She did that every time she was either blushing or heating up in general. Like any time she felt it was too warm for her- she'd rest one of her body parts on a cold furniture. And this time, even I couldn't tell. She turns around shyly- stopping me from seeing her beautiful face completely. I walk closer to where she was at and I noticed her stiffen a bit, so I kept my distance.

"Yeah," she let's out. "I don't think I've had a better laugh in such a long time,"

My insides does a thing.

The things you say to me, beauty.

"Why's that?" Is a question I can't help but blurt out. "Because I haven't had the time to actually- you know, be happy? Like I'm happy but I'm no longer caring for myself like I used to. I miss the less dramatic times, I miss it when there were no fights, no conflict whatsoever. I miss being with my family, lovingly, all together. I miss laughing. I miss being happy for the longest time," she breathes and then turns her head in my direction, leaving me no other choice but to get lost in her amber orbs. "Thank you," she whispers.

"For what?" Knowing I've done nothing that I feel is good enough for her. "For being her, staying with my crazy family and my crazy life. Thank you for being a sunshine in my storm,"

You deserve so much more than I can give you, sweetheart. "I'll always be here, my beauty,"

I remember us hugging after that. It was after that night where I met her parents. That day was still very clear in my head- like it just happened exactly an hour ago. There was no way in hell that I was expecting her parents- only realized that once my feet were at the door and I was frozen in my spot. That was the best. Her family couldn't have been more welcoming.

Except Nina of course.

I remember the feeling of her hand on my hand when she squeezed it, telling me that everything was going to well. And that I shouldn't have to worry.

Before letting it go,

I knew it.

I knew it from the way I thought about her constantly, the way I wanted to her voice every single day, laugh and smile as much as she possibly could- that I wanted to be with her. If I'd gotten to confess my love for her sooner- we would've spent our time together.

She was embedded in my mind. Her laugh was like my favorite sound, her eyes were one of my favorite thing about her- fuck was, still is, my favorite person. Her jokes were the most confusing but I'd still laugh at them. I loved her, everything about her. How she wanted good, peace and happiness for everybody was special. Her good was admirable and jaw dropping.

She was the light of my life.

I missed her.

I would do anything just to hold her once again, in my arms after she chopped an onion- or on days where she'd help me with my subjects. How sometimes I wasn't even listening but just there, admiring her. She talked on and on and it had become my favorite thing.

Call me cheesy, corny, call me a simp- I was her simp.

I decided to close my eyes. Maybe tonight I wouldn't have to cry, maybe I wouldn't have to. I closed my eyes, quickly drifting off because I was tired as hell due to sleepless nights.

"Hey my sunshine,"

"Beauty, you're here." I smiled, my hand reaching for cheek. "Yes, I wanted to tell you something," she bites her lip and I can tell she's anxious. "I- I- since late middle school, the first day I saw you, I was new in the class and there wasn't a seat for me remember? Bloody you, offered your seat to me and from that day onwards sunshine, I couldn't. I couldn't possibly control it. I fell in love with you. This is not some silly crush, I truly love you. I understand that it's too late-"

"You love me?"

"Yes," she nods. "Fuck, I love you too Angel, I've dreamt of hearing those words coming out your mouth and- damn it, I wish I would've done this sooner,"

"No, you didn't," she shakes her head, her eyes becoming watery as she takes my hands into hers, looking at me dead in the eye. "It's never too late to find somebody new. Just because you love me doesn't mean you can't move on and be with someone else,"

"Angel, I'd never, ever,"

"We can never be together. Maybe in the afterlife but I'm gone now sunshine. Darek, I'm no longer here,"

"No," I shake my head. Tears stinging my eyes. "Yes. I can't let you be unhappy because of me. They say if you love someone..."

"Don't you dare say it," I shake my head once again. Blinking my tears away, holding her hand tight so she couldn't disappear once again. "If you love me Angel, if you love me, you will stay with me,"

"You can't be with a ghost," she whispers. Sending daggers to my heart.

"You're not a ghost Angel, you're here. You're right here, you're not going anywhere." She shakes her head. "That's a lie."

"I can't live without you, I don't care about anyone else- I just want you. I need you,"

"That's not true, you can and you will gone without me," She says. "So what! So what huh? so I can be miserable bitter bastard for the rest of my life- knowing I could've ended my pain!" I shout and she flinches. "Fuck," I shut my eyes. "I'm sorry,"

"Don't you dare kill yourself Mr. Don't you dare- you won't ever see my again. You have to go on with life! I'm not that important, you can go on!"

"You're the only thing that matters,"

"Think about your mom, think about the people who truly care for you and who consider you important in their lives. They need you,"

"And I do too. I need you, Angel. I need you beauty." Our foreheads collide. A warm tear drops down my cold skin and I hear a faint sniffle from her. "If you Iove somebody," she repeats. "You might just have to let the go," my heart drops.

"No, no Sarah NO!"

"I'm sorry sunshine,"

Was the last thing I heard. "ANGEL!" My body jolted back up.

It was then I realized I'd never be seeing her again. Only when I closed my eyes.