11| always

S E R I N E

"I thank all the students who are here today,"

Don't think we had a say so anyways.

"We're all happy to introduce our new comers as I hope they enjoy their time in our Varsity. Raymond University invites you all," That was our queue to welcome them with a warm round of applause. So that's what we all did. Just like last year where all us felt welcome too. "All we could ever wish is for great happiness and even greater achievements for all our students,"

"Though, now as the freshman has arrived and we've all given them the welcome they deserve, I would like to introduce the students of the second year, who have decided to attend Raymond Varsity and we are glad to have them. Let's begin the introductions,"

Our varsity was something now, wasn't it.

I don't ever see myself seeing another college or varsity do this. For absolutely no reason. We rarely have any assemblies- only in the beginning and that's to wish us all well for the rest of year.

The useless assembly ended off with a, "I hope all students can enjoy the rest of the year. Remember to work hard to achieve all your goals. Your dreams don't come true by you doing nothing," reiterating the words we all knew by heart by now.

"Thank you for being with us, back to classes," I happily get up, due to butt being sore- so stretch my muscles once I'm up. "About damn time," Levine mutters, walking beside me. "We still have class," I internally groan.

I was actually tired.

Sitting there, listening to a bunch of lectures speak and then still having to go class was- exhausting. We all made our way out despite the crowd of people. Once we were back to the familiar premises, we all made our way to our homeroom. Nina is the first to open the door, that was closed and left it open as everybody entered.

I missed the coldness of the hall but the class wasn't that bad. The hall was just much more cooler. I drop myself on my seat, my head falling back as a sigh comes out of my lips.

"Now that was tiring," someone blurts out.

"You don't say,"

"Students," None of us even had the energy to even look up. Well, at least me. "I'd like to have everybody's attention," I slowly look up at Mr Angel who looked much more lively than I did. "As I said before lunch break, there are new students who have come to Raymond Varsity and I'd like to introduce to you all the first student out of three,"

"Ember Carson," my eyes land on a familiar looking girl. She was that same girl I saw in Mr Hart's office. The black bangs that suited her black hair, she was in a white cami top, dressed in a black plaited skirt and leather jacket over that went perfectly with her black boot. "Hey, everybody I'm Ember Carson, and I love being me in every way. I'm much more smarter than my resting bitch face tells. I do talk much, I love literature and partying."

Carson?

Like, Angelo Carson?

Like they may be related, Carson?

With my brows pulled together, I look up to Angelo who then looks at me. "Step sister," he mutters but I caught it and it seemed as if Levine caught it too.

"E yo, I'm Kevin Polanski, there's no better way than to introduce myself than saying; I'm the life of the party. I don't date because a precious lady has already gotten my heart. I'm pretty easy, pretty chilled, if you ain't toxic, we'll get along. And that's what's up,"

"Allow me introduce myself, Alexander McCann,"

What.

The.

Fuck.

In my motherfucking class?! What the hell!

With those few words, he takes his seat.

Fuck this.

***

"How are you feeling today?"

"Like shit," I blankly state. "Okay," she stretches the word out. "Clearly this is not good,"

"Care to share on when it all began?"

"I was at campus," I begin and then ran my mouth telling her about everything that happened today. How today was just point blank wrong. It was everything bad. If I could've slept in today, none of this would be happening. Little did I know though, it was going to happen anyways. There was no way I could have stopped it.

"Do you know what information was in that letter, your father told you to send off?" I shrug. "No, I just thought it was one of those letters that my dad just sends," I end up saying. Everything I'm saying feeling incomplete.

I never thought about it.

What could've been in that envelope?

"So no information whatsoever?" I shake my head in response. She scribbles something on her notepad. "How exactly do you feel about Alexander coming back into your life?"

"I think that's pretty obvious, I'm angry."

"Now, I want you to think it over with a clear head. Set aside all that anger you haven't been able to put out, how do you feel?" I hadn't really thought about it. About how I felt that he just entered my life. I sink back into my seat trying to muster up the words and understand how I feel.

"I don't know. I don't know how I feel- neutral maybe? I-"

"I understand Serine. It's pretty normal to feel that way but is there any feelings? Any feelings that could possibly be covered by anger?"

I shake my head. "No, at least that's what I think. I don't want to see his face, whereas maybe if I do feel something- then I don't know,"

"Right," she nods her head and scribbles something else down. I have a little task for you," she says before standing up and digging in one of her drawers. "Take this and use it." she hands me over a cute black journal. "I want you to try and journal yourself everyday, expressing your honest feelings, whether you feel bored or feel numb, or feel anger, sadness and happiness. Try to do it everyday, don't force anything, just allow yourself to write. Another thing, don't keep all that anger inside. Anger is detrimental but it is an emotion. Don't treat like it's nothing and use your most powerful coping mechanism to get through it. Remember to keep breathing Serine, remember you have a future, remember there's always light at the end of a tunnel and not everything will go your way. Something's are out of your control- take this situation as an example. Don't cover up your true feelings with fake ones, release and believe,"

***

"Sweetie, is that you?" I hear my dad once I close the door. I don't answer and just make my way to where I heard the voice. "Were you expecting someone else?" I ask once I spot him in the kitchen. "Hey nana," I greet Karen who comes out of a door and she smiles brightly at the sight of me.

"Hey sweetie, how was your day?"

"Wow dad, she even asked before you ever could," I say dropping my bag on the chair. "It was dreadful nana," I sigh and before they could even ask for details, I speak once again. "Hey dad, is that novel, 'Loving You Is Blind' still in your study?" I ask him.

"Yeah, it's on my desk,"

"Okay," I plant a quick smile on my face before disappearing into his study. Once I get there, my eyes land on the cover almost immediately. I walk over to it and grab the book but not before my eyes land on a crippled paper in his small grey colored bin.

The first thing I read is, Mr Hart.

I frown, my fingers trailing along the letter.

It's once again great to be in contact with you, I hope you're doing well and hopefully you can come visit soon. You've told me about new students arriving at Raymond and one of them being most importantly- Alexander McCann.

As you know, my daughter has had a history in the past with this boy, Alexander and to be frank, she has suffered in that boys twisted mind. I'd like to please request, for the safety of my daughter is for you to somehow find a way- to separate Serine and Alex-

"Did you find-"

"Dad what is this?" I look up to him. The letter wasn't finished. It was evidently a draft. His eyes fall down on the paper in my hands and he shuts his eyes. "Pum-"

"You knew? You knew dad and you didn't tell me?"

"Serine-"

"No dad, I don't wanna hear it. I would've at least appreciated it if you had told me long before because you clearly knew and you didn't say a word. Only for me to be there, looking stupid while my father knew everything!"

"I-"

"Out of respect for you dad, I am going to leave his argument for my sanity's sake- and of course before I might say something I will regret,"