Of Sickness and Love and Why You Shouldn't Kiss in a Hospital

recap: Quentin finally tries to become Ryder's friend. Ryder and April have a heart to heart talk, and Ryder tells her more about himself and his status as the 'bad boy'. Ryder takes April to see his friend.

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The hospital always scared the lights out of me.

There had been something so daunting about seeing everything in white. White walls, people with white robes, white seats, and white door. Even the smell of medicines and drugs and the doctors made me think of white.

But Ryder swept through the hospital halls like he knew every nook and corner.

I didn't really dare to look up from my old Crocs, but I could always hear people shuffling, walking, pleading to doctors about the condition of their child, partner, friends. The waiting room was like a worse version of hell, which is purgatory, because even though it's quiet on the most part, the depression that radiated there was just so overwhelming.

Thank God that the nurse came and told Ryder that we could visit the room of Ryder's friend fast, because my neck had been cramping from too much bowing.

When we got to the (another) white room, I saw Linda, thinner and paler and balder than ever, lying on a thin hospital bed.

"Hi, Gorgeous," Ryder greeted her by giving her a peck on the cheek. Linda giggled, although her voice came out raspy and weak.

"Hi, Linda," I said to her. "You look thinner and not in a good way."

"See?" Linda stretched her cracky lips into what could have been a gentle smile. "The girl doesn't lie to me like you did."

"Hey, it still made you smile," Ryder said. "How are you feeling?"

"Ugh. The nurses here are impossible. They always bring crappy food and they're always in crappy feelings, and since I can't bring myself up on my own, they will always know when I need to take a crap."

"Great, you're still familiar with bad uses of pun, so I guess I don't need to worry much."

Linda punched Ryder's arm lightly. With the amount of mass that she had in her body, I doubted that it would feel anything, but Ryder flinched anyway.

I couldn't help feeling that their friendship was far deeper than mine with Ryder, and it made me took a step back from them.

I think the stepping back thing was way too obvious for both of them, because both Ryder and Linda were looking at me like I was about to commit a crime.

"What are you doing? Come here, Kitten" Ryder took my hand and brought my closer to Linda. "You remember her, right?"

"Oh yes," despite the wrinkles and paper-thin skin, there was something beautiful at Linda's smile. "The girl from Nerdville who doesn't speak Femaleville."

"But if you're familiar with Star wars or Conan Doyle (1), I can talk to you," I said meekly. "You seem like a nice person and you're Ryder's friend so I reckon I need to be nice to you."

Ryder responded to this by wrapping his arm on the back of my head and brought over his lips to my temple. "Thanks."

"Ah, you two look good together," Linda gushed. "What are you doing here? Get out here and take her to a nice restaurant. You have my car, right?"

"I just want to visit you first. You're okay, right?"

"It's just the Sickness coming back at me," she said dismissively. "I fought it and won years ago. I can win it again."

"I do hope so."

"How's your father doing?"

There was a slight pause as Ryder weighed her question. "He still has all of his hair. He doesn't want to take any of his medication."

"Give him a break, Ryder. Having cancer is hard and expensive. I'm sure he has his own reasons for not wanting medication."

"I hate that word."

"Cancer?"

"Cancer."

At this point, they were all suddenly quiet and I was left there, grasping for both air and words. The situation had taken a sullen turn and everything was emotional and Ryder had this look on his face that made him look like he was ready to either cry or punch someone. I was afraid of this kind of Ryder.

Five minutes later (although it did feel like five hundred hours later), a big guy came through the door and started screaming.

"LITTLE SISTEERR!!!!"

The scream was deafening and for a moment I thought that the big guy was going to kidnap us all and place us in a basement for an impossible amount of ransom, but after I blink, I realized him as Billy, another of Ryder's friends.

"Seriously, Billy. Your voice is bad for my eardrums," for some reason, Ryder had had a pair of earplugs inside his ears. He took them off and did a complicated version of bro-fist with Billy.

"Hey, brother," Linda looked up to him. "No, don't get close. Your beard is razor-like."

If Billy was offended with the remark about the nature of his hair, he didn't show it. There was a set of yellowed teeth beneath those bush of black curls, and when those teeth were directed to me, I nearly jumped in shock.

"Wet Girl! I haven't seen you for so long!"

I could see from my peripheral vision that Ryder was shoving his face on his palm.

"So you're with her, now, eh?"

"Sorta," Ryder said as he looked at me. "Are we?"

"We are?"

"I guess?"

"Are you sure?" I asked back.

"Really?" he looked exasperated.

I looked at him in confusion. "I'm looking at you in confusion."

"You don't need to tell me in what nature you're looking at me, Kitten."

"Oh, right. You're the one who should do that to me, because most of the time, I can't make out what you're feeling."

Linda whispered to Billy. "Is that sarcasm?"

"I'm still figuring that out," Billy answered.

"What? You're saying that you can't figure out my face?" Ryder was now the one looking at me in confusion. "It's my face. You've been stuffing your face into my face for a couple of weeks now and you still can't figure out my face?"

I was actually quite amazed with how many faces he could bring up in a single sentence. "Now I know you're confused, but there are times when things are quite a blur to me."

"Like what?"

"Like, most of the time when you're about to kiss me. We were just talking or doing something totally unrelated, like watching TV. And then all of a sudden you have this... this intense 'I have to make out' look and it all came out out of nowhere."

At this point, Ryder's face reddened, but I wasn't sure if it was because of him being mad or embarrassed.

"It's not sarcasm," Linda confirmed to her brother.

Billy snickered. "I'm sure as hell enjoying this."

"You can't blame me if I get excited in random times, especially if I'm living in your bedroom and you're so-" Ryder looked at me, and I looked at his eyebrows, because I couldn't look into eyes easily, and he liked the illusion of us staring at each other in the eye. For him, it was romantic, not straining.

"April, are you looking at my eyebrows again?"

Oops. "Um... "

"Stop biting your bottom lip."

"Okay," I tried to stop.

"Oh, you know what?" he didn't let me answer his question and instead leant over and whispered to me. "I want to stuff my face into your face right now."

There. The off-putting message. It sent a jab into my consciousness and right at that moment, I felt like both Yoda and Blair Waldorf (2) had taken prisoner of my mind in a very complicated mix.

"Me, too," I whispered back.

And then he squeezed my hand and after a simple excuse to the siblings, we got out from the room. The hallways were empty, thankfully, and Ryder put me up against the wall and pressed his lips against mine. His mouth moved around mine in a way that I wouldn't have thought would make me feel like this. There was an overwhelming amount of tingles all around my body that almost made me explode, and the only cure of it was his lips, the inside of his mouth, and the way his hand supported me so I wouldn't fall.

"You're just so adorable," he whispered to my ears, sending shivers.

"Looking at us is a doctor," I said back to him, all Yoda and zero Blair.

Behind Ryder, a tall, eldery man dressed in a thick white coat was watching us in narrowing eyes. "Excuse me, but the visiting hours to Ms. Linda Keyes is over, but clearly you haven't using your time to visit her properly." There was a small smile to accompany his last sentence, but I didn't think that the doctor's smile was meant to comfort us.

"Hey, Billy," Ryder opened the door and called out for the big guy. "We need to take off."

"Aw, man, already?" Billy groaned.

The uptight doctor only kept a poker face. I think I might like him.

Ryder and I went back to the room to say goodbye, and he hugged Linda. There was a pang on my chest as soon as I saw him touch her, but I deemed it as just another Weird Thing Ryder Caused Me. They seemed to hug for quite a while, though, and when it was my turn, I was at loss on what to do.

"Come on here," Linda encouraged, and I leant closer to her. She smelled like the hospital. She smelled white.

"I'm so glad that Ryder finds you," she said as she wrapped her bony arms around me. I didn't really like her touching me without permission, but she looked sick and she was Ryder's friend, so I had to let her. "Please stand by him. He needs it. He needs someone to just love him."

And somehow, deep down, I knew that. I knew exactly what she was talking about.