if i could just do that

Luke Patterson was surprised to find his bandmates practicing. Sure, he was a part of a band, but Julie had stated that she didn't want to be a part of their band anymore. And it wasn't because it was his birthday, though because there were only three people wishing him such.

"Why are you guys acting all suspicious?" Luke asked once Julie left for her house. He sat on his couch, his hands drifting to his rings. " 'Cause it's kinda freaking me out."

Reggie and Alex shared a look. Both looked like they were trying to find the right words to say. "Well," Reggie began, rubbing the back of his neck. "We know what today is and we wanted to make you happy."

Luke smiled at his friends, before shaking his head. "You didn't have to do that."

Alex raised an eyebrow, and sat on the ground, his drumsticks still in his hands. "We saw you at the cemetery, Luke. We aren't going to pretend we know how you feel, but we're trying, okay?"

"Thanks, but you don't need to do that," he replied, adjusting himself so that he was lying on the couch again.

"We do, Luke. You kind of just zone out whenever we try to talk to you about it." Alex got up and sat next to him, leaning against the soft material of the pillows. "The other day you saw skateboarders and nearly called out his name."

Luke remembered that. They'd been walking around and he'd spotted the old skate park where he and Andreas used to hang out at, it was a reflex, nothing more.

"It just slipped."

Reggie scoffed, "What about the time we were sitting on the sign of the Orpheum and you kept playing with the bracelet Andreas made you. Luke, you gotta stop pretending like you're okay. You're not okay."

Luke shrugged. "It's fine. I visited his grave today, and stuff."

"I feel like you're not telling us something. What aren't you telling us?" I miss him, he wanted to yell. I miss the way his sweater smelled, the way he said my name, and the way he called me out in Spanish. But Luke couldn't say a word. He couldn't bring himself to tell them.

"It's nothing."

Reggie shrugged, as if accepting that his friend wasn't going to spill. He then put up the peace sign before teleporting. Luke knew exactly where he was going. A little place called Disneyland, and Reggie spent a lot of time there.

Alex put one of Luke's beanies on his eyes and took a deep breath. Then Alex didn't say another word to him, and began to softly snore. He must've been tired or something.

That left Luke to check out the venue for tonight.

He stood up, and took in the garage that he spent most of his time in. Where he invited Andreas to come and watch the band practice. Where they kissed for the very first time back when they were thirteen, and how Reggie knew exactly what had happened once they left to go home.

God, he missed being alive.

He snapped his fingers, and teleported to the venue. It had bands already setting up and drinking. Luke remembered the first time he tried alcohol. He'd gotten into a pretty heated argument with his mother, and ended up grounded for the weekend. Andreas, who had grandparents that didn't really care what he got up to as long as he came home alive and unharmed, had snuck out every night and stayed outside his window all night, talking to him.

He noticed Carrie, one of Julie's school friends, (though he could hardly call the two of them friends) and the rest of Dirty Candy talking amongst themselves. Luke realized that Carrie Wilson didn't look mean as she was taking a bit out of the nachos she'd ordered. She actually looked relaxed and her conversation topic was even weirder.

It was about a couple of celebrities she enjoyed following. Nothing about Julie and her bandmates. Nothing cruel or out of the ordinary. Carrie Wilson didn't feel like a 'bully.'

Then again, Luke had never been bullied, so how would he know what bullies were like away from their victims. Alex got bullied a couple times, back when he came out. Then Andreas punched the guy and the bully stopped.

He spotted a bunch of managers and representatives from different agencies. He found it amusing, knowing that the band was going to be noticed by all these people. They were going to be big, and they were going to get away from Caleb.

But he didn't want to leave Julie.

She helped them play music, and she was a part of the band. Her voice gave meaning to the songs Luke had written. It wouldn't be right if they crossed over without saying anything about the stamps. But what would they tell her? "Hey Julie, we got stamped by the ghost you told us not to see and now if we don't play at the Orpheum we could get zapped out of existence. Sorry, we didn't mean to hurt you." Even in his head the explaination sounded dumb and vain.

He sat on the stage, hearing the familiar sounds of tuning a guitar and vocal warm ups. Luke began to hear how loud the place truly was, the clinking of glasses, bits of conversation, the clicking of heels, and the sizzling of food. He covered his ears, and looked around. He couldn't focus. Dammit, normally he'd have Alex, Reggie, Bobby, and/or Andreas with him. Luke could feel every thread of clothing scratching against his body and he wanted to itch himself, but he couldn't move his hands away from his ears.

Come on, Patterson, he could hear Andreas tell him. All you gotta do is follow me and my voice. Let's go to our safe place, the one where we control everything.

Their safe place was either the studio or one of their bedrooms. Andreas also had ADHD and the two of them often soothed the other during sensory overloads. But Luke wasn't near the studio, and Andreas wasn't here to help him.

He needed to breathe. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. His body twitched a couple of times and he felt very itchy. The itching sensation was taking over his body, and he needed to sit down.

"Luke?"

Luke looked up from the floor, and saw Alex and Reggie running over to him. He automatically relaxed. Alex ran over to him, already easing him to sit at the edge of the stage.

"Luke, we're going to touch you, okay?" Reggie moved his arm toward Luke, and put his arm around Luke's shoulders. "Just focus on our voices, okay."

"You keep saying 'okay', Alex. Just say something that means the same thing. Like in another language."

Alex frowned, helping Luke remove his hands from his ears. "You want me to say it in Italian or something? 'Cause I speak fluent Italian, Reggie."

"You guys are talking way too loud," Luke whispered. "It's like your voices piled on top of each and every sound."

Both boys quickly muttered an apology, not wanting to add on to the already loud atmosphere of the venue. Luke took another breath, and everything got quieter.

Good job, Patterson, Andreas would've said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. I knew you could get over it. You always do.

"Feeling better?" Reggie asked, his voice barely a whisper.

"Yeah, that one wasn't fun," He grumbled, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

Alex nudged him, giving his best friend a smile. "Glad you're okay, buddy."

"Thanks."

Luke's brain was still spinning after they left the venue. He was now lying on his stomach in an attempt to stop feeling the lonely feeling in his stomach. He noticed that the couch still smelled like Adreas, even though a bunch of asses had sat on it.

He kept hearing Andreas's voice and he kept wanting to look up and see him. It wasn't fair, Andreas should have been alive.

"Luke? Can you sit up?" That was Alex.

"Why?" Luke mumbled, his face buried into the material of the couch.

"You can't pretend that you're okay, anymore," Alex said, running his back. "Reggie's been open on how he felt since he left home. Can you atleast try?"

"No."

June 26, 1991

"Goddamn," Andreas Ramírez said, breathlessly, leaning on the streetlight. They'd just got caught skating at 12 am on someone's private property, and they were running from the cops. "I think Reed got faster! It's not fair."

Bobby was holding his skateboard in his hand, and he was already sitting on the sidewalk. He pushed his hair out of his eyes, laughing slightly. "I agree with Andreas. Reed got faster, and is currently stalking us."

Reggie was laughing, seemingly never running out of breath. His flannel had grass and what looked like alcohol stains mixed with rain droplets. "Damn, ughh, it's not like we're doing anything illegal."

Alex scoffed, as he wrapped his jacket around his waist. "Nothing illegal my ass. We were just skating on Johnny Dept's lawn. Reed's going to arrest us and we're going to be criminals."

Andreas laughed louder than Alex's worries. He threw his arm around Luke's shoulders, giving the boy heart palpitations. "Whatever, we're teenagers. I bet in 40 years no one will care what their kids are doing."

"Care to enlighten us on this idea, 'drea?" Luke teased, leaning into Andreas's embrace.

"Like they'll let kids run for president at age 18 and the adults are going to be sent to war or something," Andreas noticed Reggie tense at the loud sirens around them. He unhooked himself from Luke, and put his arms on Reggie's shoulders. "You okay?"

"Just don't want to go home."

Bobby sat up. "You guys could crash at my place. You can give your folks a call in the morning."

Reggie perked up at that idea, and was already standing on his board. "Great! I'll race you to Bobby's!"

Luke looked over at Alex, who was slowly picking up speed. He was chasing after Reggie, who was laughing like a mad man. Bobby was already on Alex's tail, sticking his tongue out at the two boyfriends who were still lingering.

"What's bothering you, Luke?" his boyfriend asked, looking at Luke with the nicest blue eyes he'd ever seen.

"Me? Nothing, just waiting for you to kiss me stupid."

Andreas's face turned bright red, and his board fell to the ground with a THUD. Luke laughed at Andreas's sudden embarrassment. Andreas put his hands on Luke's face, his grin enough to cause Luke's heart to stop. When their lips met, Luke could feel nothing but love for the boy in front of him.

Screw Reed, screw curfews, screw his parents. Screw everything everyone has even told him. He loved Andreas, and Andreas kept him going.

"Now come on, before Alex and Reggie take the best couches," Andreas grinned, leaving Luke's lips tingling as he did.

The two jumped onto their skateboards and began to race down the streets of Los Angeles, which was just full of sex workers and bar hoppers at this hour. They spotted Reggie, Alex, and Bobby waving at a bunch of people, all three laughing amongst themselves.

"Damn, they might beat us there," Luke said, using his left foot to pick up speed.

Andreas shook his head. The bright lights of the Prpheum lit up Andreas's face, letting Luke see the freckles that covered the male's cheeks. Luke tried to kiss every single one, much to Andreas's dismay. Those were alot of freckles, he'd tease. Luke would always reply, I'll give you a lot of kisses then.

"But, you have a secret weapon, Luke," Andreas jumped up, his hand firmly on his skateboard.

Luke smirked. "And that secret weapon is?"

"Me."

Luke couldn't help but agree. Andreas was his secret weapon, for anything. The boy wanted to be a proskateboardeer once he was old enough to fully complete and stuff. Though, Luke knew it had nothing to do with age, more so with his grandparents not fully understanding what their seventeen-year-old grandson really wanted. Most don't, except for Luke, it was his own parents.

Luke laughed as Reggie began to sputter out nonsense as he saw the two gaining on them. He was then pressing his right foot to the pavement and trying to speed away.

"SHIT!" Bobby yelled, skateboarding away. Alex ended up tumbling down the street, his elbows and knees bleeding and scrapped. "You guys are too fast for your own good."

"I've been skating since I was nine, Bobby. You don't stand a chance!" Andreas yelled back, sticking the middle finger up at the latter. "Also, how does my entire ass taste?"

"I dunno, lemme ask Luke."

Luke adjusted his beanie before shouting back: "You should try it sometime."

"-and he should be zoning back in any minute now. These normally don'y last long," Alex said, throwing his jacket on the couch, right on top of Luke, who rolled around just in time to catch it. "Welcome back, sleepy head."

"You know damn well I wasn't asleep," Luke grumbled, blinking several times to adjust to seeing actual people, and not memories.

Reggie was grinning from ear to ear. "It's almost time for our gig! I'm actually pretty excited for it. Like, we might be able to get notice and-"

The pain from the stamps really hurt that time, and Luke grabbed his stomach. He closed his eyes, stopping the tears from escaping. He hated Caleb Covington. He hated that stupid Holleywood Ghost Club. He hated the stpuid universe for messing with them.

"We should get Julie." Luke nodded, and stood up, realizing how sore his neck and arms felt. Must've zoned out in a really uncomfortable position.

"Make sure to knock," Luke added, pushing his hair out of his eyes. "You know how much she hates us interrupting and invading her privacy."

"I'm pretty sure she threw something at me the last time I did that," Reggie admitted, his smile never wavering. "But it didn't hurt because I'm dead."