Just Another High School Story!

Old habits are really hard to change, really, but if we always say ,"I'll change tomorrow!" or "I promise, I'll do it next time.", you are likely to never do it ever... therefore, don't waste time with empty talk, do the right thing, it is okay to fall but it's not okay to make excuses to not get up, or worse, not even try. Get up, buckle up, and race against yourself, something that you refused to do yesterday, do it today, something that you wanted to do, have wanted to do, don't worry, and try it, don't be scared of false beliefs that you can't, there's nothing you can't do if you put your mind to something, so do it... do the thing that will make you stronger, it is always worth it.

Leah could've easily skipped lunch, not eating seemed more natural to her than eating up, she had eaten lunch at this time before, but Ethan was with her to make things better, he usually scooped away some of her food, and though when he was there, she'd be annoyed, right now, she missed him, she wanted to skip the meal, God knows how much, but then she said to herself, "Now or never!" And for the first time in a long time, she did get courage from herself, rather than making the Ethan the reason as to why she was strong, she realised that she'd become the reason Leah was holding on, instead of giving up, it was already a step closer to loving herself. When she had lunch, she let out a satisfied, soft burp, and wondered whether she'd eaten too much, she felt around, and saw that no harm had come, she had the urge to eat more, it had been some time since she'd had proper meals during the day, because of finals, she'd been super busy, and had Ethan been with her, all she'd do was eat food, but because he was not, she had cheated, she had cheated herself and Ethan by skipping lunch, dinner, and breakfast, all together, she'd not had a proper meal, some snacks here and there, she was supposed to tell on herself regarding her little mischief, but she hadn't been able to do that, not with Ethan already super tense that week.

Therefore, even though there was a lot that she had wanted to say to Ethan, she had definitely missed her chance. She remembered when Ethan had said that he would hold her forever, no matter when, but realised that not all words can be honoured, all promises kept, despite the sadness, she still loved Ethan, she could not, dared not ask herself what they were now, she didn't want to say enemies, at least, it seemed like that on his side-- the whole presentation thing-- she knew it wasn't his doing but he hadn't come to see her, to even say sorry for the whole thing, she wanted him to come and clear his name, everyone at school had mixed opinions about their 'incident', some thought that Ethan should be thanked for the truth, and some thought that Leah deserved better, that everyone has a right to their secrets, things that they don't want others to see, she should not have been exposed like that, Leah wasn't mad or anything, she just felt sad, if she'd known her first love would end like that, she'd have picked up his phone calls more often, texted him about random things, said things she'd felt, rather than cherishing them by keeping those 'little things' inside her heart, maybe, she'd feel more at ease with the whole ordeal, but the way things had gone, as if she'd been extremely wrong in everything, and only she was at fault, his countenance, her personality, their dispositions, the differences, as if those things were all different because of her, she could not help feeling guilty, she and Ethan were similar in one thing, holding in hurt, and not saying things that they should. Ethan still loved her, so did she, yet it felt like there was an uncrossable ocean between them, as if he were the sun, and she was just a little star, she couldn't shine when he did, as if they were so at odds with each other, as if she were a cold wind, and he were a flame, when they came in contact, the fire ceased to exist, and the wind was left shaken despite the fact that she'd survived, this was love, obviously, but why did it have to hurt so much, it was supposed to be magical, not tragic!

Leah didn't give in to her desire though, the desire to see him, and ask for forgiveness, she missed him but she had to become someone who deserved to be loved by him first, she'd become the Leah whom he could enjoy his meals with without having to worry, someone he could take to a restaurant, someone he could share popcorn with, someone who wouldn't freak out if she accidentally ate a little too much, more than usual. She would become the best Leah she ever was so that she could earn the love she deserved, not just by Ethan but by herself, she wanted to earn the right to be loved by herself, and this time there was double motivation.

She went to work out and realised that she'd been working out for so long, what was she doing wrong that none of her belly fat seemed to go away, on top of that, she didn't feel like she had made any progress when it came to strength. She didn't go to the gym, she didn't want to, she felt obligated to use the machines, and as someone who didn't like putting anything into her ears while she was working out-- running was different, no muscle-mind connection needed there-- she wanted to listen to music out loud, and be free, sweat like crazy and not worry about the smell, she did not want to see 'skinny girls' or 'skinny boys', or now that she thought about it, the better word was 'strong' not skinny, she did not like the fact that she wasn't progressing because of being too careful, and conscious, therefore, she decided to make a little home gym for herself. Linda was out during summer break, one good thing that had come out of their fight was that the need to be together all the time had disappeared, maybe not completely, but it didn't feel like they were burdens to each other, she had become independent, self-sufficient, and the support that Linda was giving her by just observing not commenting, or criticising was amazing. She didn't want to be corrected, she wanted to do things without having to worry about anything, it was the time to be selfish and she was going to do her best.

She used to do low impact workouts, and realised that she wasn't enjoying them, she wasn't enjoying working out, therefore, she started to look up alternatives, there were HIIT, cardio, Zumba, dance, walking, literally workouts that you could do while lying down, all you need to do was while sitting flex your toes, she wanted to try these things, why narrow our vision and dig a hole, when there's the world that you haven't seen, being open minded, after one HIIT workout to BTS' beats, she felt amazed, this was better, she enjoyed the sweat and the thrill, also the rest time after blasting an exercise seemed like heaven, she was doing Chloe Ting's workouts, she hadn't come across her before, not only was Chloe Ting just a big YouTube channel, but Chloe herself seemed like an angel, it was like she had a workout buddy, and a trainer, someone who wouldn't stop her to talk but someone who was motivating her not to slack off, and give it her all, slowly, she realised that she like this high intensity stuff, and so she was doing it all her life, no excuses. But after 30 minutes, she felt busted, its as time to look for something refreshing, not super intense when it came to getting her heart beat up but challenging, something that would tone her, she came across all of the workouts that Chloe had put up, her programmes, and recipes and god, the woman was an angel sent from heaven, before she hadn't been so sure about her workout schedule, but this gave her the one thing she needed-- the key to consistency-- a workout schedule, she had to suffer a lot but she would do it and so she did, a week passed and slowly three months had passed, she had changed and she was rocking.