Focusing! Can I cast spells now?!

Ryuhi laid in his bed, staring back at the all to familiar ceiling in his prison of a room. Ryuhi shook the bad thoughts from his head. I finally have information on magic power now and a direction to take. The book said to focus on permeating magic through my body. Focus on something I've never felt. Maybe its like having diarrhea? But its bound to have a nature aspect if magic exists externally. 

Ryuhi focused on listening to the wind blowing, feeling the air on his skin, taking deep breathes, imagining the bubbling of an upset stomach. Then he imagined taking those things and slicing at the wall with the air. Nothing. Hmmm, guess that's not it.

Maybe I had to use my sixth sense to feel the mana flow and imagine a switch in the flow like a rock in a stream like the book said on that spell. Nope didn't work.

Maybe its like stirring a stew then changing the rotation mid way through. Failure yet again. Frustration started to tint his thoughts in anger, his face getting hot as he got frustrated since he had no clue what to do and he was bored!

Ryuhi realized he was throwing a tantrum for no reason then calmed himself down by spacing out from the heat on his face since he knew it would return to normal soon, disassociating as he commonly did in his past life.

That's when Ryuhi started to glow again! Wait! That's it! Ryuhi finally connected the dots! You have to focus on the distinction between your spirit or "consciousness" and your body. Ryuhi felt the excitement flood into him now that he had cracked the code to mana usage. How he used that in magic he had no clue, but it was progress and one more step in the direction from his dream life.

Twila burst into the room the same as she did last time, her had ready at her hip as she looked around the room. Her eyes locking onto me before the glow could fade. She let out a shocked laugh, "You are activating your mana!" She kept chuckling to herself, "You're gonna be a monster when you grow up aren't you my little baby boyyy?!" She let the incredulous tone turn into a cue at the end. The stress of the situation caused Ryuhi to freeze since she burst into the room, finally coming to his senses, kind of, he quickly decided to let go of his pride and let the build up in his bottom flood out to hopefully throw Twila off his trail. Or at least make it seem a bit more natural that I'm accidently doing it while pooping.

At least that's what he told himself since it was gonna come out one way or the other due to shock, but at least this way he could hold a shard of dignity. Weeks passed like that, Ryuhi would test his mana flow before pooping. Through this continuous defecation ritual Ryuhi had concluded that he wasn't able to get his mana to permeate through his body. It must have something to do with the mana veins in his body being burnt up. Ryuhi stared at the ceiling deep in thought. What if he tried to move it through the veins he does have? But if my blood vessels didn't get burned up there's a chance they don't have a connection. Although the book did say that was just a theory in the first place and besides the way I couldn't feel mana before activating it makes me think it has to be internal like the spine or blood. You don't normally feel those things until certain conditions are met so it shouldn't be too far fetched to think mana has a connection with the body.

And the way the book was talking about inputs on mana control rotation it seems like mana is far more malleable than any body part we have. So would it be too far of a stretch to think i can connect my mana to my blood veins. It kinda reminds me of how old civilizations were said to elongate their heads shortly after birth by slowly constricting it in its most malleable form. I'm still young and maybe mana works the same. I mean its magic after all so why not give it a go. Ryuhi collected his thoughts as he didn't have a lot of time to test this so he needed to go into it with a plan. 

First he needed to activate his mana. Ryuhi began to glow so he knew he only had a few minutes max now that its a common occurrence his parents shouldn't come immediately. After that Ryuhi had to imagine an image of the blood network he's seen in anatomy text books or the internet it didn't need to be exact just an idea and mentally place that image in my body. Now all I have to do is imagine this rainbow storm that's in my core infusing with the nearby veins- Ryuhi cried out in agony as he felt the area in his abdomen lash out as though it hosted the fury of a swirling inferno. His mother busted in, sheet white presumably after hearing Ryuhi scream in what was obvious pain. She rushed over and picked up Ryuhi and began fusing all over him. "What happened, did you cut yourself? Did something bite you?"

Even though the pain in his abdomen was intense he forced himself to poop and forced himself to act fine through the agony. "Oh you were just constipated, I guess that's why your magic felt more intense this time. You must have been so uncomfortable!" And with that she carried Ryuhi around with her for the rest of the day and Ryuhi could honestly say he was okay with that after that ordeal. 

The next day however came and despite the fear the lingered in Ryuhi's mind he wasn't about to quit. His mom said his mana felt different and it definitely had an affect on his body so that meant it was as theoritically possible as the books explanation so its a step. The old civilizations had to start small and work their way up but its kinda hard when you've never felt weight before. Its like the babies trying to do it by itself. Wait a minute... Ryuhi set that thought aside. There's really nothing I can do aside from imagining the veins infecting slower but still its scary. And worse case I have to endure that pain throughout my body whenever I use magic. Ryuhi shook his head, no use dwelling on what ifs, I've got a fire ball i want to catch and boredom to stave off. And that's how the most agonizing year of Ryuhi began.