The tragedy of my life

In a large open area, a man in black and a woman in white were fighting in the air, around two meters above the ground.

The battle was intense, and neither could have an advantage over the other. Both of them have been fighting for hours without rest, and now, both were tired and covered in sweat. Even the long, black hair of the woman and the black, short hair of the man was wet from their sweat, but neither of them showed discomfort on their faces.

Suddenly, they stopped fighting and started to stare at each other from a short distance while saying nothing.

From the beginning of the fight until now, their faces couldn't be seen. Only their hair blowing in the wind, the shape of their bodies, the style of their clothes could be seen clearly.

The woman was using white clothes with a traditional Chinese style and the man was using black military-style clothes.

Their faces couldn't be seen but you could feel the hard-to-identify emotion emanating from them. Love? Hate? Anger? Excitement? Sadness? Happiness? It's like they were feeling a mix of all of these emotions at the same time.

Suddenly, the man started to slowly take off his black shirt, showing his perfect chest and his eight packs. He passed his hands over his chest and abs, trying to seduce the observer. The sweat made his skin shine, giving it a masculine touch that made others drool over it.

He put his hand on the front of his pants, preparing to unfasten it.

"Not again!" I yelled in frustration as I sat on the bed as soon as I woke up from another one of my dreams.

I have been having wet dreams almost daily lately, but when things got to the best part, I always wake up, which leaves me completely frustrated.

I dove in my bed again, covering my head with the pillow while screaming and kicking in frustration.

It's like my dreams were censored because it never shows any 18+ scenes. When things started to get hot, I always wake up. Having such a body in front of me and I can't get a taste of it, worse yet, I can't even take a peek at the man's "assets". This is the tragedy of my life!

When I was a child, my dreams were normal, however, as time passed, they start to gain a little sexual content, but sadly, I can't see anything from the waist and below.

When my dreams started to change, turning a little sensual, I thought that my lack of sexual experience is to blame for nothing restricted to happen in them. Thus, I purchased some erotic books on the internet, trying to make my dreams become more imaginative. However, I had no success. It just made my daydreams turn spicy.

At that time, I was living with my family in China and I had to act like a thief, locking my bedroom door and only reading using the anonymous mode in the middle of the night. Even like that, I always looked around to make sure there is no hidden video camera in the room.

I did those things not because I am paranoid, but because my mother is just a little too crazy. She even went through my bathroom wastebasket, looking for something suspect. My mother said she does these things because she is worried about me, but I think that everything should have a limit.

The behavior of my mother is the reason why I decided to study abroad. If I had to live with my parents for a little longer, I would turn crazy soon.

After the accident I suffered when I was five years old, my mother turned madly overprotective, becoming a control freak. She wanted to control everything I do and even my thoughts if she could.

The accident was a serious car crash that left me in a coma for a whole week, and when I woke up, I had lost all my memories and even had difficulty speaking and understanding others. And according to my parents, my personality also changed.

I only know that my mother changed after the accident because my grandfather told me about it. He too couldn't stand my mother's behavior.

At that time, I had to learn everything again, but I also started to have dreams about a strange place and a man. Maybe, saying I dreamed about a man is not entirely accurate because, in truth, I dreamed mostly about the man's chest.

These dreams are confusing and I can't understand most of them, but there is one thing that is constant, which is the presence of this man. However, until now, I have never seen this man's face.

In most of these dreams, I fought this man, but there were some in which he was playing the flute in a mesmerizing way. I can still hear the sound of his music until now, the music that can bring warmth to my heart.

These dreams have followed me for so long that if one day they disappear, I don't know what to do. These dreams not just spicy my sleep hours but the memory of it also follow me while awake.

I think that I can't live without these dreams anymore, but sometimes, they can also be considered a curse because every man I see will be compared with the man of my dreams, or more accurately said, the chest of my dreams.

My mother had tried everything to get me interested in one of the men from Chinese high society but without success. I just can't think about myself with someone else. It just doesn't feel right.

I want to find someone to love one day, for us to get old together, but if this continues, my heart will never accept someone other than the man of my dreams. I always feel that he has an important place in my heart that no one else can occupy.

Sometimes, I think that I am turning crazy. I had already looked for expert help, trying to find a way to not let these dreams mess up my life anymore, but as my heart didn't want to forget this man, everything came to nothing.

My best friend recommended tequila and meeting some handsome guys. However, it did not just don't work, but I still threw up all over the guy my friend introduced to me and had the biggest headache of my life.

Now, I am in my bedroom, waking up frustrated once again. And as I probably will not be able to sleep again, I may choose one of the new books from my bookshelf to read.

Now that I'm living far away from home, I kept a bookshelf in my bedroom with erotic books on them, with themes from historical romance to the supernatural, one spicier than the other. Werewolf books, in special, are attractive to me, because the male leads love to stay shirtless and I can easily imagine them as the man in her dreams.

As the only person that has entered my bedroom is my best friend, I don't need to hide my books anymore. In truth, most of them were chosen by my friend.

If I wasn't so shy, I would leave it where people could see it. However, since young, my mother taught me that anything related to sex is a forbidden topic, and after growing up always listening to it, it is normal for me to be shy when the topic is sex.

Thus, when my mother visits me, I hide my precious books from her. But, even doing that, I always thought that if my mother really thinks about it as a forbidden thing, so how I was born in the first place?

I pulled my head out from under the pillow and sat on my bed hugging it.

After a few seconds of feeling sorry for myself, I decided to take a shower before reading, a hot shower. I don't understand why some people want to take a cold bath to calm down, because it will only make their bodies freeze to death, and not their desire.

A hot shower in the early hours is always very relaxing. And to make it even better, I turn off the light and just let the dim light coming from the window illuminates the bathroom.

As the water from the shower falls on my head, I start to think about what to do. I can't keep living in a fantasy world for the rest of my life, nor I can let my family control my destiny, marrying me off to the one who can give them the best benefits.

I only chose to study business administration because of my parents but it is not what I wanted to do. However, the first time I told them that I wanted to be a librarian, my mother fainted and my father almost freaked out.

In truth, my mother wanted me to study design like many of her friends' daughters, but there is no fucking way¹ I would do that.

The second option my parents gave me is to study business for me to work in the family's company or, help my future husband according to my mother.

In the end, I make a deal with my parents. I would study business administration as they wanted, but I would study abroad. Of course, my parents weren't really aware of it, because I spoke in a way for them to think that it would be the best option for me. After all, I got a low score in the National Exame and can't enter a good university in China.

I accepted it because I wanted to learn more about business, so I can invest in a wise way for me to have money in the future while doing what I really want to do, that is learning.

I am what people call a bookworm. I live surrounded by books of all genres and topics and the more I read and learn, the more I want to read.

If it were possible, I would pass my days reading, and doing nothing else. It would be a paradise on earth. However, as I am in another country now and away from my parents, I am making the most of my time here.

I took many elective courses, learning all kinds of things like astronomy, literature, and history. Like that, I am learning everything I want, and at the end of this year, when I go back home, I will continue my studies.

I will do what I want and I will never accept become a marriage tool for her parents. And soon, I will make them know it.

....

¹ There is no stronger negative than that.