Chapter 14 - Suicide

After the Zoom funeral they had all felt exhausted and spent. Jan was having a lie down in the living room with the curtains drawn. She felt empty and utterly bereft after the funeral. She couldn't get her mind around the whole thing. It hadn't been a comfort, it had been an ordeal. She felt they had let Bill down. Her grief had over whelmed her like a tidal wave and she lay their with memories of Bill playing in her mind like a movie.

He really had been the father she never had and he had made her feel so special. He too had delighted in his relationship with Jan and had very quickly thought of her as his daughter. They had a special bond. She always looked up to him and asked his advice and he had always praised her saying what a great mother she was.

Her own childhood had been so dysfunctional and she was able to discuss this with Bill and somehow he helped her put it in all to rest. Now he was gone and her heart was breaking.

Darren and Victoria had cleared everything away they put the leftover lasagne in the fridge. Maybe they would have it for dinner later. Then Darren retreated to his room. He thought he would do a video for his You tube channel but in the end he just couldn't face it.

As Darren went into his room he noticed Spice scratching at Emma's door and called to her 'Come on Spice leave Emma alone.'

He thought he would leave Emma until later and let her grieve in peace. Spice stayed outside the door and Darren couldn't persuade her to come into his room.

Darren lay down on his bed and closed his eyes to shut out the day and take a well earned break. Sadness filled his body and due to the emotional exhaustion he fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow .

Victoria had stayed downstairs unable to sleep or relax she had continued cleaning finding it quite therapeutic as it took her mind off things. She knew now that she would imminently have to speak with Jan and face the music about the pregnancy

She thought about taking some food up to Emma but things seemed more distant than ever between them and they had seemed unable to communicate in the last months. She made a mental note to herself to try and chat to her later.

While the zoom funeral was taking place Emma was lying in her bed dying. She had locked the door and turned the camera off on her iPad. She had laid down in her bed with her old Teddy 'Mr Ted' beside her, wearing her favourite pajamas, she snuggled into her pink fleece blanket.

She calmly took the sleeping pills from her bag that she had acquired in the days before and swallowed handfuls washing them down with vodka. She knew they would kill her. She was relieved it was all finally over as the warmth and fuzziness took over and seeped into every molecule of her body.

She had given up on life as she felt life had given up on her. She couldn't see a future in this new world. She felt redundant and useless. She had valued her freedom but that was gone, taken away by faceless evil forces she could not understand. When her Grandad died she felt he was lucky to escape and go on to the next level. She had decided then that she would join him there in eternity.

She drifted into a deep sleep while the hymns were being sung and by the end of the funeral she was in a coma. She lay their not moving until early evening. She didn't hear Spice scratching at the door or Darren knocking because everything had gone black.

Darren had woken with a start not knowing if it was night or day. It was in fact eight o'clock in the morning and he had slept deeply, barely moving a muscle all night. On awakening he felt the rawness of his sadness and thought to himself 'Ill go talk to Emma.'

As soon as he opened his door he saw Spice still scratching and whining at her door so he gave the door a loud knock. He called her name and then tried the door. He was surprised to find it locked.

Then it clicked inside him that something was wrong. He banged again, really loud this time and started shouting her name. Then he heard Victoria at the bottom of the stairs.

'Hey what's going on up there?' she shouted.

'I don't know Emma's not answering her door.' Andy replied, 'She must be asleep.'

Darren banged on the door again and then out of instinct, and knowing something wasn't right, he kicked in the door. Three kicks and it flew open. At this point Victoria and Jan were on the landing.

After the funeral Maggie had got changed, thankful to be out of the ill-fitting dress. The tape had left red raw marks across her back and when she changed into her favourite stretchy trousers and a floral blouse she felt some relief and sat on the couch beside Andy and started to cry.

'Well that was God awful wasn't it? Did you see the state of most people? All fidgeting and the noise.I couldn't take that seriously as a funeral. Poor Bill he deserved better than that. I'm glad it's over.' said Maggie.

Andy had also found the whole thing an ordeal with no comfort what so ever. A bloody shambles.

'Once this is all over we can have a proper remembrance service,' he promised his Mam. This seemed to cheer her up. They spent the next few hours bitching about the funeral. Maggie had been unable to see properly during the service so Andy replayed the video and they both had a laugh at the absurd spectacle.

'Did you see Tony and his wife eating crisps as if they were at the cinema? And Uncle Charlie falling asleep? Ahh well at least he made the effort all the way from Australia.' said Andy.

'You would have thought people would have respect and got dressed appropriately. there was someone in pyjamas for God's sake and Marion with her mask and did you see the nurse in all the protective gear? Maggie said as she sipped the tea Andy had made for them.

They then settled down to watch a new series on Netflix and at six o'clock Andy heated up the uneaten lasagne and both of them tucked in. They sat in the living room with it on their laps and both had a can of lager and toasted Bill. It was a simple moment but special to both of them and somehow they felt they had made something out of the mess. Even though it was only eight o'clock they both decided on an early night and turned in completely drained from the day.

Meanwhile pandemonium had broken out in Hayes. Darren had rushed into Emma's bedroom and saw Emma lying there motionless. She looked like she was asleep. Darren had grabbed her shoulders and shook her violently shouting her name but got no response. Jan rushed in and was shouting and screaming at the top of her voice.

She knelt down by her bed and holding Emma's hand she said 'I'm here Emma, I'm here, Mums here.'

Victoria had momentarily frozen at the door unable to comprehend what was going on until she saw out of the corner of her eye an empty bottle of pills on the side table beside Emma's bed.

She then rushed into the room and checked Emma's pulse and breathing. She had recently done a first aid course at work and at the time had wondered if she shouldn't go into nursing instead of hairdressing which she hated.

'She's still breathing,' she said calmly. trying to take control of the situation Darren took out his mobile and called for an ambulance. It all seemed so unreal. The operator got the address and was trying to calm Darren down but he had become hysterical. Victoria grabbed the phone and calmly explained the situation, the type of pills she had taken and that it had been hours since anyone had spoken with her.

Victoria turned to her family and reassured them the paramedics were on the way. Spice was whining and had jumped up on the bed.

'Put the dog in your room,' she said to Darren. Darren grabbed Spice and and shut her in the bathroom then he went to open the front door expecting the ambulance to arrive at any moment.

In what seemed like an eternity, but was in fact only eight minutes, the paramedics arrived in full protective gear which only added to the drama of the situation. They quickly took over and started working on Emma. Victoria stood in the corner of the room with her arms around her Mum. Jan was shaking uncontrollably and they were all crying.

The paramedics stretchered her out to the waiting ambulance. Jan tried to go with her but they wouldn't allow it. They took the family aside and explained that due to Covid restrictions no one could travel with her or go to the hospital. They must stay home and wait for the hospital to call.

They gave them a card with some numbers on it and then the ambulance sped off into the night with sirens blaring and lights flashing. Sadly, that was the last time they would ever see their precious Emma.