Chapter 15

THE beating of my heart was like hell. Its drumming was so loud I couldn't even hear anything. Would I say, yes? And if I do, I'm going to taste him again.

Suddenly a part of the book I was holding fell on my side. And that woke up my sleepy world.

We both stared at the thick cover of the book that was already torn and the pages were falling apart.

"Sh*t!" he said.

I was startled when he snatched the book from my hand and stood up fast. "This is my book! What did you do to my book?" He tried to return the pages that scattered on the floor. But no matter what he did, he couldn't return it to its original form.

I saw the desperation on his face. I recoiled when he glared at me.

"That's the last edition of Nikolai Medtner's Art of Music in 1951. There are no more reprints and nothing you can buy anywhere in this world! You just tore it into pieces."

I didn’t know that those music books belonged to Xylon. A minute ago, he was looking at me like he's going to take care of me for the rest of his lives. But now, his eyes look so threatening.

"H-How much is it? I'll pay you?" I muttered in embarrassment.

"You cannot buy this anywhere, Miranda! Your money is useless. You can't put back the broken pages of the book,” he said, not looking at me. He seems troubled trying to fix the book, which was obviously very important to him.

"S-Sorry ..."

I meant what I said. But he did not answer. Instead, he let out a deep sigh like there's nothing he could do anymore. I saw a page floating near me. I quickly picked it up when it landed on the floor and handed it to him. "H-Here..." I said hesitantly as I bent down my head.

He grabbed it. Damn! He was really mad. He picked up the other books I had arranged under the table.

Sh*t! Are those books all his? Why is he reading those kinds of books? I thought all he had in mind were all about profanity?

He moved back and about to leave. I don't know what's happening, but I feel like I’m going to cry any moment from now.

"Miranda," I was relieved when he looked back at me.

“Yes?” I smiled.

"Next time, watch out with your words. You don't know me. The real me. You’re insensitive to the people around and you don't have any idea of how they feel about you. You want my things?” He took a book from the pile on the table. He threw one and it landed right down my knees. "That's yours. Hope you enjoy it." He turned around and entered his room, slamming the door.

My eyes were blinking trying not to cry. It was as if all the blame was on me. Shouldn't I be the one to get mad because he ruined my relationship with Fiore? I should have denounced him because he earned it. But then, why is he acting like he's the aggrieved one and I'm the bad here? It should be the other way around, right? And why am I so affected?

I picked up the book he left on the floor. And was aghast of what I saw!

Damn that man! I don’t know what’s going on in his mind. He's really annoying me and jumbling my mind and my heart! What do I do now with this book on how to masturb*te?

I don't know if it's out of curiosity, or I'm just trying to prove to myself that I wasn’t affected.

I opened the book. I saw a man holding his genitals. It's not rude or pornographic if I may say. It’s educational and the graphics were in black ink. Another page showing a woman with her fingers covering her organ. If your mind is not dirty, you will think it is just an ordinary book. But I feel different. You know, that feeling of heat and it gets even more because of what you see?

That’s how I feel right now. Never in my entire life, for twenty-two years have I touched this kind of literature. I was raised by a conservative family. Aunt Pat was a church person so I grew up fearing God. And for me, the body is the most important thing we can be proud of when we marry. Being clean inside and out is important in a relationship, in marriage and love.

Now I'm kinda asking myself, is satisfying yourself crucial? What do you get by reading this kind of book?

Is Xylon effing masturb*ting? The ef! So he took advantage of me because he’s lacking sex? He got me involved in his nonsense! Now he’s furious.

I brushed my hand over my face. 'Cause I really felt guilty. It seems that I have torn one of his valuable possessions.