Not enough

Chapter 17

Lola and I spent hours in the kitchen till morning talking and laughing. With her radiant personality she is like my own personal bottle of whisky helping me drown away all the stress that wants to drive me crazy.

Once we settled down from laughing so hard. She turned to me scrutinizing me skeptically before smirking. I shook my head ignoring her antics and took another sip of her great handmade cocktail juice.

“Do you like my brother?”

And all my mouth’s contents came spilling out.

“What?” I asked picking up a rug from the island to clean up the little puddle I have made.

“Do you like my brother?” she asked again slowing down the words and staring at me patiently.

“Besides this whole mate pull thing he told me about I am not sure,” I answered honestly, “he hasn’t exactly come to me as the most approachable person yet let along friend worthy.” I explained. She nodded in understanding and sighed.

“He is just so stupid sometimes thinking everything has to go his way without trying to understand that there are some things he can’t control and that is destiny. He can’t control that.” She said her voice lowering at the end while shaking her head in disappointment.

“On a bright note,” she jerked up in delight, “I met my mate yesterday.”

She squealed over and over as I gazed at her smiling at how suddenly she turns so radiant in matters of seconds. Before I even began to ask…

“He is tall quite shy with amazing blue eyes. Baby blue eyes. He is lean a little muscular and ….well let’s just say he is good at using his body.” She smiled like an idiot. Once her words registered in my head properly…

“Oh my….” I squealed, “I didn’t need to know that!!!”I smacked her arm, “that is none of my business and I would like it to stay that way!!!” I added with another smack.

“His name is Dylan.” She continued any way, “he is great. He listens to my rants and he respects me. He actually doesn’t even touch me until I make the first move. And what made it even more special was...”

Again with that topic.

“It was our first time together. He had waited to meet his mate and so had I.”

My jaw dropped all its hinges cut loose as it hit the floor.

“You were…both of you… had... never…”I said making an incoherent sentence yet she understood nodding dreamily.

“And now I am all his and he is all mine.” she squealed, “we marked each other…see.”

She stretched her strap to the side allowing me to see the dark engraved moon crest on her shoulder. It looked so artistic…very beautifully curved and made. I will never understand how a pair of fangs managed to make that.

“Was it painful?” I found myself asking.

“Yes for a few second then….it just turns you on.” She giggled getting lost in her own memories. I admired the glow she had from describing her experience. Would it be like that with me and Felix? Part of me dropped even thinking that he may not be a virgin.

Come on he is drop dead hot sexily gorgeous. Any girl could throw themselves at him from any angle.

I shuddered thinking about how experienced he could be. No wonder he didn’t like me at first. I am way not worthy to be his mate. I am human. I am not strong enough and I don’t think I can be his Luna.

“What are you thinking about, crystal?” Lola asked snapping out of her wonderland while I put our used dishes away.

“Can someone mate with someone else?” I asked looking straight into her eyes. She sighed running a hand through her hair nervously.

“What is going on inside that pretty little head of yours, crystal?” she asked softly, “why… do you want to…” she spoke slowly.

“No!” I shook my head as I gathered my thoughts, “it’s just…. You… your mate…

“Your story seems so perfect…the way he told me about mates make them seem so perfect. You and Dylan are perfect. You accepted each other the minute you met…”

“And yet I didn’t accept you.” A deep voice broke through my rant and I turned around to meet the hard gaze of the person I wasn’t sure I wanted in my life any more.

“Yes.” I said sternly, “you didn’t accept me and….now I fully understand why...” I said more to myself than to him.

“What are you talking about, crystal?” he said his voice wavering with each word. He was shirtless and just in some pair of pants that stopped at his needs. I kept my gaze at his eyes careful not get lost in his pools of intensity.

“You were right all this time,” I mumbled to myself but from their strong senses I know he heard me, “I am not worthy of you.”

He stepped closer and I stepped back to keep the distance breathable. I needed to concentrate. This heat drove me crazy once, I don’t need it going crazy again.

“You are worthy, if anything I am the one not worthy of you.” He argued his eyes getting darker and darker with fury but I didn’t care.

“Felix don’t turn this around because this isn’t about you!” I spat, “I am human, you are clearly not… you hated me the first time we met and it’s probably because of that fact am I right?” I reasoned. And no matter how much I didn’t want what I was saying to be true. His lack of answer proved my theory.

“And look me in the eye and tell me that the only reason you have started trying isn’t because of this pull or the need to have a mate by your side to keep you stronger.” I said firmly despite my dying inside.

I was not good enough to have anything in this world.

Not to have a family.

Not to have a normal life.

And not to have a mate.

“So why not save ourselves from all this suffering and just…end it.” I said whispering.

“w-what?” he asked. I opened my eyes to see that his had tears in them flooding tears that already started to make their way down his cheeks.

“L-let whatever w-wants me to f-f-finish the j-j-job.”

“Then I will die too.” He said shamelessly.

Why on earth would he even care about me?

“Mate someone else then.” I said simply, “you cannot deny that it’s possible. Did you honestly not think about this in the time you hated me?”

He went silent again.

I got my answer.

“Where is the house phone?” I asked rubbing away traitor tears. Lola pointed me toward the landline at the end of the island. I grabbed it and dialed the number of the only family I knew.

After two rings.

“Amy?”

“Yes, Crystal is that you?” she sounded tired.

“Is Luke with you?”

“Yes…but...”

“I love you guys okay… never forget that.” I hung up before they got a chance to reply.

“Crystal what are you doing?” a nervous Lola asked.

“This isn’t gonna be over till am dead. I can’t live a life while others are sacrificing theirs and I can’t live a life of being not good enough.” I said.

“My first family lost their lives because of me so did my second family and you guys haven’t had peace since I came into your lives. All of you have taken the fall for me. Someone who doesn’t deserve it...” I said mostly to myself so that I could understand the situation.

“Crystal,” Lola drawled out, “what are you gonna do?”

“Can I borrow your laptop?” I asked and she pointed to the couch none the less. It was the newest apple model and I resisted rolling my eyes at how rich these people are.

I ignored her calls and grabbed the laptop that was on the couch.

It wasn’t shut down so that made it easy for what I had planned to do. I didn’t want to die. But they wanted to kill me. No one asks for the lives they have. They just have to live it. I am gonna live my life my way. The way I won’t hurt other people and still finish what I wanted to do.

“Crystal, talk to me.” Lola pleaded, as I typed away.

I finished my transaction and the online application from the laptop. Clearing all my traces on the laptop I shut it down and turned to Lola.

“May I borrow some clothes?”

“Yes of course.” She led me to her room where I put on a black tight dress that reached my mid-thigh and did a simple light make up.

“This is gonna sound weird but I need to look like you when I am leaving the house.” I told her as the idea popped into my head. She gave me a questioning gaze before doing it any way. My blond hair wasted in a secure bun then she placed a large black hat on my head enough to cover my face. She lent me a pair of her six inch heels, black too and peep toe with ankle straps. With a pair of sun glasses I was able to completely transform myself to someone different.

More precisely Lola Black.

She called me an Uber that waited outside to take me to the airport.

“I will take care of everything you left behind.” she said, ‘but promise me that you will keep in touch.”

I smiled and nodded. She shoved a piece of paper in my bra and smiled cheekily, “that is my number. I wanna make sure you won’t lose it.”

Together we walked outside and met the three boy blockade of Blake, Jordan and….Felix. He eyed me up and down and I almost felt the need to go into his arms and touch him like…

I am still in in heat.

Noted.

“No.” he told me sternly. I shook my head at his stubbornness and walked up to him and smiled, “even if you are as cold as stone and hard as a rock, there has to be some good in you deep down, thanks for everything, find someone else and be happy and content the way you want to be.”

Blake and Jordan stayed firm at the door stiff and visibly furious at me.

“You can’t leave.” Jordan said. His baby blue eyes pleaded with me and I almost awed at the sight. He sure had his way with girls. I am so gonna miss him.

I looked out the window to see a good number of men perimeter the front lawn.

“you guys have done so much for me it’s time I do something for you,” I told them, “now it’s either this or… I hand myself over to them.”

“We will be watching you.” Blake interjected and I gazed at him sternly,

“Not all the time.”

That seemed to go through their hard exterior and the men at the door stood down. Finally I was allowed to leave.

They sighed simultaneously and the men cleared my pathway to the cab. Lola walked back to her room and I took her place walking to the cab and locking it.

I needed to make my life right. Yes I had lost everything but I am not gonna lose myself. Felix will never be okay with what I am I can’t do that to him. If he wants a wolf, let him get one. I won’t give any one the satisfaction of deeming me….not enough.