The Lights

Frank would have been really discovered by Raymond with that large injury on his hand, had he not run away to the gardens behind the manor. As he took shelter below a tree and sat there with his back against its bark, Frank remembered what he had just gone through.

Julia Shuzar.

This name was just another one in hundreds that he had come across in his life. People were not something Frank especially cared about. But he did have the strong desire to have at least one person he could call family. Someone to live for. Living like living, not like just not dying.

He knew from the very first day that Julia was someone who fascinated him. He had all the reasons to be fascinated. She was kind, pretty, sweet and her heart seemed so clear-with no dark spots, at all. More than anything else, she had that pure white light emitting from her body. It was the second time Frank had seen such clear light.

Lights. Ever since he could remember himself, he had been seeing those lights. Colors emitting from people. Yellow for happiness, blue for sadness, green for disgust and violet for regret. Every emotion had a unique color. The meaning behind these colors were not so hard to understand, because in front a child, who everyone believed to be dumb enough to not at all understand what their words or actions meant, displayed their true emotions without any hesitation.

Frank remembered clearly the first time he saw the white light. White light; the light of honesty and the sign that the person is doing exactly what is in their heart, nothing hidden or display of any fake emotions.

The first time Frank saw that light, he was too naïve to understand its meaning. It was the old baron, whose orphanage was the first home Frank ever remembered. The baron had lost his family in the unification war. For chasing away loneliness or perhaps on a whim, he had opened that orphanage where Frank spent the first five years of his life. The baron always smiled and was kind to all the children at the orphanage. And more than anything, his white light never wavered. He was always his true self, either angry, happy, sad or scared. He never faked a single emotion.

Frank admired him for his honesty. Because whenever he saw the baron's white light surrounding him as he went near him, he felt at ease. Frank had a family then. The baron and all the other children at the orphanage were his family. Frank told the baron every time he saw weird lights from other children.

The baron, accepting the fact that Frank was a special child with a congenital mana core, patiently explained to his best knowledge the meaning behind those lights. Frank could have lived his entire life by the baron's side. However, fate is something that always have tricks up its sleeves.

The first time Frank realized his hands held the ability to burn people alive and cause destruction burning things down with a flick of his finger, he was standing there in the middle of the night, watching flames blaze up high and devour his beloved home along with the people he cherished more than himself.

The fire didn't touch him, but turned everything in its way into ashes in the play of seconds. He didn't mean to... he didn't want to... it was all a mistake... a bad dream... a reality he couldn't run away from as he did when he didn't want to read his lessons. The baron was there, he could see him struggling. He rushed towards the baron in a frenzy to save as much of his cherished treasures as he could. But the baron stopped him from coming over. It was already too late.

The baron, he knew he couldn't survive. He knew nothing would ever be same for Frank after this. But he still smiled at the five-year-old Frank, who stood there horrified, and nodded to make him believe that he would be alright. First time in the whole time of five years, Frank saw the baron's white light disappear and fill up with dark blue light. The baron was lying. He was sad, neither angry nor resentful, but sad.

Frank burst into tears knowing it was the last time he was seeing the baron and that never again he would see that familiar and soothing white light again.

Two big drops of water fell on Frank's sleeves as he remembered the last time he saw the baron, dying. He didn't ignite the fire that night accidently. There was someone among the children, someone with a grey light. Grey; the color of malice and joy from other's pain.

Frank didn't know why but whenever he saw this grey light, his body lost its control and ended up destroying the source of this grey light. That night was the first time he saw that grey light. Maybe that's why he stopped too late. Even if he didn't mean to hurt others, he still took their lives. No amount of repentance could release that guilt. Just as Julia had said ' Even if you didn't mean it, you still hurt someone in the end. The guilt never goes.'

When Frank first saw Julia outside that shop, his eyes were filled with so much white light that it made his cheeks glow red and made him behave stupid. He knew from that moment onwards that he had to stay away from her as much as he could. Because if he again made someone's white light waver, he didn't know if he could survive all that burden on his heart.

And so, he wanted to stay away from her. But he kept on bumping into her, he started wanting to bump into her, to be exact. He cursed himself for giving in to his feelings mindlessly. What happened yesterday made him realize that he didn't follow around Julia just because of her white light. He could no longer believe himself. He thought he would stop himself from falling further into these feelings, but he ended up thinking about that chocolate incident all night. And now, Julia's words made him jerk back and fall onto exactly the same spot where his reason supposed him to be; far away from her.

Frank knew what happened to him whenever he saw grey light from someone. He would go out of control and kill the person for sure. And what if Julia is there by his side at that moment and see him mindlessly killing a person with a face that shows no guilt at all and eyes darker and blacker than even the night, would she smile at him ever again the same way as she does now? He trembled at the thoughts which passed through his mind. No. Never. Anybody but Julia can never know this truth about him.

Frank stood up after wiping clean his face to remove any traces of tears. He looked ahead of himself and froze on his spot. In front of him, stood Raymond, looking at him in absolute rage.

" Brother... I.... I can explain. I didn't mean to break the cups.... they just fell and....," Frank tried to explain, but suddenly felt being carried away on Raymond's back before he could even understand what exactly happened.

"Brother?" Frank peeked at Raymond from his back to see what kind of expression he had on his face. His face was calm, too calm that it made Frank feel chills through his spine. But it wasn't hatred or disgust, he was sure. Raymond's light was now a faint purple and faint blue- a perfect mix of them. He was feeling sad and sorry.

'Is it because of me?', Frank thought in his mind but dared not to ask this out. Frank had seen the way Raymond treated those who lied to him. Raymond would feel disgusted at the sight of such people. Frank didn't want to be one of them, so he kept quiet and laid his forehead on Raymond's shoulder.

Raymond felt it and sighed.

" Next time when you're hurt, make sure you create a fuss and run around to look for me, and....," Raymond stopped his words for a moment and stopped walking. Frank felt himself him being held even more tightly on Raymond's back." Frank, you said yourself that we are family. So, I thought you would behave like one. You're not just meant to share your joys with me but also your worries and sorrows. You can tell me anything, Frank, and I promise I won't be mad even if it's the most ridiculous thing. I just want you to... Frank, I want to be the first person you would look for when you want to cry. Can you trust me at least that much?"

Raymond slightly turned his head towards his back to see a part of Frank's face. Frank was quite still. He didn't answer him for some time. But after some time, Raymond heard a small and faint voice escaping Frank, almost as if he was talking to himself.

" I don't want you to hate me."

Raymond let Frank down and bent down to reach his level and cupped the kitten's face, as that was what exactly Frank looked like now, and said," I would never hate you, Frank. That is something I can promise right here and now. No matter what kind of child you are now or what kind of person you would become in the future, I would always be your big brother, that is always there for you when you need me."

Before Raymond could finish properly his words, tears rolled down Frank's eyes as if all the sorrow he had been bottling up inside him till now broke out. He cried out loud and hide his face in Raymond's coat and cried as if he would never stop.

" Does it hurt that bad?", Raymond asked patting Frank's head with his hand to calm him down but never stopped him from crying.

" Mm ...," Frank let a faint voice and continued crying.

After calming down, Frank again was lifted up on Raymond's back and they started heading towards the kitchen to get some ointment for Frank's wounds. It wasn't like Frank couldn't walk. It just gave both of them a feeling mutual joy to be like that. Frank smiled and closed his eyes, feeling protected on his back, he never knew when he fell asleep.

As the door opened, Julia rushed towards Hannah and almost yelled," How is he?!? Is he hurt badly?"

Hannah looked at the little squirrel like girl squirming around to know the answer to her question. Hannah smiled and said," Ah, that brat is asleep. Mr. Scarlett said he cried a lot and thanked me for telling him that he was hurt. That little piece of... um... that brat had run into gardens hiding and crying alone over his wounds. Mr. Scarlett was really worried."

Julia for a moment looked down, then suddenly jolting up, said," Did you touch him?!? Last time his burns got healed when you touched him!!! Right?!? You could just touch him again and..... "

Julia looked at the governess' face and suddenly realized that she just exposed herself in front of her. Julia looked down, feeling guilty.

" And how exactly do you know about that, my lady?", Hannah was sure in the mood to tease this little squirrel and continued," I guess so it was indeed you peeking through the hole in your brother's study yesterday."

" I..... actually... I.....," Julia felt a loss of words and started panicking about how to answer the governess. Hannah saw this and her will to tease rose and the creativity in the mischief rose even higher.

" Don't worry, my lady. It wasn't completely your fault. That brat also had an equal part in it. I guess I should get him punished too, no?", Hannah said in a very convincing tone and waited for the reaction this generated out of Julia.

" He... he didn't do anything wrong, teacher. It was just me. Instead, he even covered for me when I was about to get caught," Julia said slowly conjuring up an answer.

" Mm. From what I have seen till now, you seem to be very attached with that brat. Do you like him or something?" Hannah was absolutely enjoying this teasing session. This question had the very same effect as Hannah had imagined it to have. Julia blushed right away and refused to look up or answer.

" You can tell me, my lady. It's not like I won't know. Sooner or later, I will come to know about your personal affairs and help you deal with them. So, it's better if you share your feelings with me now, it will stop this thing to become awkward in the future," Hannah said after realizing her duties as a governess too.

Julia shyly looked up and said in a meek voice," You can't tell Frank or my brother, okay?"

" Promise. I will take this secret between us to my grave," Hannah said and added in her mind 'If I ever get to a grave, that is.'

Julia slowly moved her lips and said as softly as she could, maybe fearing even the walls to hear," I like Frank."

Julia immediately dashed out of the room to who know where and left the governess standing there trying to control herself from bursting into laughter.

" I already knew that though," she said as she left the room to look for Julia, as they had to visit the library to get some books on magic.