A proper newsman! (Marvel) by The Propa Orky Reda

Synopsis: A story about a man becoming James Jonah Jameson. Watches, how he seeks to enjoy his life and meet his idols before dying to whatever threat may exist!

Rated: T

Words: 13k

Link: https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/a-proper-newsman-james-jonah-si.948085/reader/

Valmar Remarks: This currently is the shortest word-count share I've put on here. But what it lacks in word count it makes up for with the comedy. This is written by the same author behind A Quarian Politician and is considerably more lighthearted than that one. This isn't a story of some SI snorting up serums and learning mystic arts or getting an x-gene. No, this is the story of someone being James Jonah Jameson, and all that entails. It been updating fairly regularly (even if the chapters are short) so as long as the author doesn't lose interest its bound to rise in word count quickly.

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Chapter 1:

I had a role to play in this world. Not as a Reporter or anyone truly Important like the sentry and odds are Im capital fucked from the first reboot event that boots my soul back to wherever I belong. . . Or just erasing it which didn't seem so bad.

I was gonna be a great man! A news man! I was going to be Based as well if I could help it but hell this was New York arguably third place to only Hell and California in terms of places to live. I had awoken in James Jonah Jamensons body awhile ago and I had gone through all that normal going crazy stuff and pinching myself.

But, after crying and praying for twenty minutes I told myself- Your James Jonah Jameson! Man up you sissy. Worked as a child and worked to this day in making me accept my situation and accept that the Beyonder was probably gonna kill me by accidentally sneezing.

"Call that boy uh- Peter Parker and send him up to my office," I say while taking a puff on my cigar. It felt good being rich now. Soon, the thim and greasy hair boy stood before me his hair a mess and the subtle taint of exhaustion painted across his face.

The kid in this world was only seventeen and had been waiting a few months to get a job from me. Im sure James had been trailing him along being a penny pinching bastard. Id do the same if I didn't know this scrawny child was Spiderman. "Ya got any new pictures on Spiderman?"

"Uh- no sir as promised I'll have them by the end of the month. . . I thought we went over this arrangement already," Looking at the kid I couldn't help but feel bad for him. Odds are he was making this money to help his aunt.

That was a cord that truly struck home with me. I can recall my own life and childhood and a consistent flaw of mine was how deeply I loved and cared for my family. It was a flaw how much I use to spend on them.

Kid looked like he could use some more meals in his life as well. Not skinny or bones showing but you can just sense these things sometimes when you've dealt with sibilings who don't like to eat or just can't because of some sickness, "We did Parker but let me share you a secret. . . Wanna know why Im so harsh on Spiderman?"

I can see the intrest peak in his eye as he stumbled over the words at first. He clears his throat before asking, "Um- why sir?" I cannot help but grin gently as I let the silence draw on.

The boy fidgets abit before I finally break the silence, "Men this day and age don't have the initiative that they use to. They just don't have the drive. I give this boy challenge and competition. If you tell a kid he's doing good he gets bored. . . Ya know what happens to a man when he gets bored?"

"Um. . . No sir I don't," I can see something in his eye. Not sure what but I can read some sort of emotion as a smile begins to come across his lips. I would reach onto my desk where an old newspaper had been sitting before picking it up and turning it around.

"When everyone tells someone they're gonna turn out great they've got nowhere to go but down. You get Villians like this- This Electro fella looking out for his own ego and power then others," The silence sits in the room and I can see the parker kid stewing over what I said.

I can see a spark of anger for a split second before it dies down into understanding and realization. Perhaps my words would have some effect on the boy for better or worse. Either way. I would lean back and simply let the stench of my cigar fill the room.

"Im also increasing how much I'll pay you for the photos or of any villians you can get ahold of. Ninjas? Get me a picture! Robots! I need those pictures parker! And take this and get yourself a better camera boy," I reach into my pocket taking out the neatly folded up three hundred dollars and placing it on my desk.

His retaining that same light from before as he asks, "Any Villians pictures?" I can still hear the exhaustion on the kids voice. Between school, work, and being spiderman Im sure he's exhausted.

"Thats right their needs to be some more light on those storys and the public loves crime stories or anything with Supers in it. Second, since you're getting such good pictures of Spiderman I've been hearing about this Daredevil fella and others in Hells Kitchen. Spread the word I'd like to hear what they've gotta say on things going on down there and get the hell out of my office," Peter would nod quickly darting forward and grabbing the money before scurrying out.

Either way, I grin lightly as plans unfurl in my skull. I had a betting pool with myself who was going to off me first. Hydra? Some random C tier group? The US government? Whomever did it better be quick because I know Im gonna fucking die and before I do Im dragging as many groups name through the mud as I can. . . Wait I wonder if Epstein exists in this world.

With abit of meta knowledge despite the diversity of the Marvel Universes I was going to make me a fuckton of money. Maybe do some good PR for the Xmen and just meet my idols before I die. Id like to get a signature from Iron-Man, Luke Cage, and Wolverine most of all.

First though I had to finish going over James tax information. God I loved this man I know for a fucking fact he was cheating on his taxes and that was pretty fucking cool in my book. Second, Im gonna have to buy or make me a gun.

A gun with AP rounds, extended magazine and all sorts of goodies in the event green goblin breaks into my office or some low tier villian. Let that motherfucker Vulture break in or something Id blast their ass.