Chapter 6: Ellie and Alfie quarrel

Ellie pouted and pulled her hands away.

'No. I don't see it. You've passed your exams beautifully; you always excel at everything you want to do. You'll go into politics and probably end up being Prime Minister if you put your mind to it. You will always win, always. I certainly don't want proof of anything you can do because I know full well you're good, brave and clever. What I want is proof of your love.'

'God, I've proved it enough times, haven't I? Haven't I proved I'm a man?'

'Oh!' She shook herself free of him and rose from the grassy knoll where they sat. 'You think that's proof! Well, a man might think so but you can do - that - with anyone. Prove your love by asking for my hand.'

'I can "do that with anyone"!' Alfie said, stung. He rose to face her. 'Damn it, Ellie, that's a terrible thing to say. As if I go whoring every other Sunday! We were both virgins and you're the only girl I've ever lain with. I swear it. You believe me, don't you? So don't insult me like this. Isn't the pleasure and joy we've known meaningful to you, then? Is it just that I'm one day to be Lord Dillinger that you care about?'

'No! You know it isn't! That's not important to me, Alfie. I love you ...'

'I don't believe you.'

She had offended him and reached out a hand to touch his arm. He turned away, looking hurt and angry. They understood one another so well. Why were they now at odds, squabbling over something that was surely important to them both? It was nothing less than their whole future together.

'Alfie, don't turn away from me, it makes me so miserable and sad when you do that,' she pleaded. 'You know I love you. You're like my life-blood, my heart and soul. Of course, our loving has been beautiful, forgive me. But I'm always afraid of being caught. I want it to be right, to be legal, to be in ...in the Crimson Bed!'

He turned and laughed at this, taking her into his arms again, pressing her close to him and kissing her. 'In that old monster,' he murmured, 'we're not having that in our house.'

'Why not? We must, it's an inheritance through our female line. Mama says it's a symbol of Womanhood for us. One day I'll pass it to my daughter.'

'Your daughter?' he teased. 'Won't she be mine too?'

'Oh, of course, you fool,' she replied, blushing. 'It's a figure of speech.'

'Still - an interesting one. I certainly won't have that monstrous thing in our house once we're married, Ellie. I never did like it very much. We've enough dusty heirlooms at Oreton Hall.'

'It's not a dusty heirloom!'

'Well, we'll see when the time comes, eh?' he teased her, tweaking her curls. 'You've been a good girl and so obedient already. What a splendid little wife you'll make. All right, we'll have it your way and get engaged if you like, but should we not wait a little while to marry? I feel quite restless after all that fearful study and need to do something active and maybe a little wild. Maybe go abroad.'

'But don't you want to take me with you?' asked Ellie, vexed by this remark.

He looked down at her and bent to kiss her again.

'Sweetheart! Think carefully. Do you want all the responsibilities of a huge household and children and all the rest so soon? I'm sure not. As for me, I would rather like to see the world a little.'

'And sow your wild oats?' she said, drawing angrily away.

He looked hurt. 'Ellie, don't doubt me. I love you madly, you know that. I will sow no oats whatsoever, I promise you upon my word. Merely explore places that would be far too dangerous and difficult for a young woman. India beckons, Africa, so many places that I long to explore. They are just not suitable for a young Englishwoman. Suppose you were expecting a child? You know it would be impossible and wrong to take an infant to such inhospitable places.'

Ellie reddened with anger. Alfie began to kiss her again and tried to lift her skirts but she pushed him away.

'You want adventure and danger! Well, have it then. I see you've never ever bothered your head about the danger I've been in, have you? Haven't I proved myself adventurous enough and daring enough to allow you to make love to me? There has always been a danger that I might have a child. I was not brought up in ignorance of these matters. I think all you want now is to make love to me in the woods and then gallivant away. Just suppose I had a baby before we marry and you are away somewhere in the world, no one knows where?'

Alfie stared at her and a flush came to his face also. She turned and began to walk back to the Hall, her heart beating wildly with anger and misery.

'Don't be angry with me, Ellie,' he said following her and taking her arm.

'I am angry!'

'Listen to me, just listen. Stop a minute, for Heaven's sake! You know I love you. You're right to remind me that you're a brave little thing; I never doubted it. I've always taken care not to make you conceive - you know, not finish off in you. You were always safe. I'm not that much of a cad.'

He turned her round to face him. They were still hidden by a copse of trees. He began to kiss her again and she felt herself melt as she always did. Then his previous words came back to her mind and she pushed him away once more.

'It seems I shall have a lonely life if I marry you,' she said sadly.

'No, no, I shall settle down and be a regular paterfamilias. Wait and see. Just humour me a little while. I shall speak to my father and I will hint about our intended engagement to him. Then, when the proper time comes, I shall speak to your Papa. I see no reason why he shouldn't be delighted at such a match, do you?'

Despite his words, Ellie was troubled by the conversation. It felt unsatisfactory. Something was different and evasive about Alfie today. She could not quite fathom what it might mean.

'Ellie, where are you?' she heard her mother's insistent voice calling her as they walked back into view of the house. Maria stood outside the French windows, looking around for them anxiously.

'Your mother is beginning to be a regular martinet,' muttered Alfie. 'She spies on us all the time. When does one ever get any freedom in life?'

Ellie was left to ponder all this because a day or so after this conversation, Alfie returned to London with his father. She felt a peculiar sense of anxiety when he came to her the morning they departed. While no one was looking, he took her hand briefly and, with a swift gesture, gave her a kiss on the cheek. Then he looked deep and unsmiling into her eyes before obeying his father's summons that their horses were awaiting them and it was time to go.