Presentations

As students we all have something that we particularly don't like ,hate or maybe fear.It differs from person to person.What I don't really like or rather fear are presentations.Back in the days when I was still a person who really didn't like standing before a relatively medium sized crowd ,had feared presentations.I was even scared to talk.Eventhough I prepared for it really well.I still couldn't get rid of that fear.But now I'm not afraid. .I just hate it and my body seems to habitly tense up when I'm presenting.Today I willl portrait you in words how I feel and felt about presentations.It goes like this....

Presentations

The worst thing that could happen.

Staying up for hours just to finish it

Practicing in front of your family,in front of your mirror,just to be sure that nothing embarrassing would happen.

Repeating the words you will say ,in that said presentation.

Writing these words on small cards so that even when you forget something,

You got cards that remind you

Just to make sure ,that you got everything.

Writing the words down

With confidence,

With expectations,

With uncertainty.

Just to make sure,

Just to make sure nothing will ever happen to embarrass you.

Nothing bad will happen!

Nothing is going to go wrong

You prepared for everything !

You practiced it over a dozen times !

You will be able to do it!

The said day arrives.

Standing there ,lightly swaying

29 pairs of eyes

Starring right at you,

Watching you like prey

Wanting to see you fail

And you stand there

Pokerface crumbling

Hands trembling

Cards falling

Cold sweat soaking your shirt.

Body shaking

And then you start picking up the cards

Failing because you're shaking

Stopping because it's pointless

Slowly standing up again

You start to m-mumbling trying to save the presentation.

The corners of your smile twitching

Then you see it ,you hear it

The giggles

The mockery

The contempt

Nervousness piling up,

feeling the nausea.

Your eyes darting from left to right,

Trying to find someone who is trustworthy,

Someone who is your friend ,

Someone to say that everything is alright ,just continue.

But there is no one.

No one to tell you ,you're doing a great job, keep going.

Insecurity creeping into your mind,

Shattering the last confidence you ever had

Words ,lost.

Voice ,lost.

Assurance, lost.

Head pounding

Heart accelerating

Vision blurred

And then it was clear

Fear had forever installed itself.

————————-

Now you stand here

That same scenario replaying in your head

Thinking it's alright

That's how life is🥲

You start speaking ,mistakes are slipping inside.

But you do not care.

The eyes staring at you,

Listless expressions on these faces,

But you do not care.

Voice monotone,

Your thoughts calm,

Because you do not care.

But your body cares,

Because your hands are trembling,

Heart accelerating,

Your back is full of sweat.

Almost the same as always.

Something did change , and that is because You do not care anymore.

Let them laugh.

Let them have contempt

Just do the presentation and get over it.