Chapter V

Present time

Rose squeezed her eyes shut and prayed that those painful memories would cease to invade her. But no matter how much she try to forget them, deep in her heart she knows she couldn't have forgotten those midnight dark eyes.

But again the pain those eyes gave her was also unforgettable.  With tears in her eyes went out and stood in the whisperer's place.

She seems and and her were dull.Suddenly her eyes caught a glimpse of a beautiful emerald-green city, bathed in a grateful green light that was especially pleasing to her eyes and surrounded by merry faced people in gorgeous green and gold costumes of many extraordinary designs , a soft music was blissful playing around.

And music, to her, was like turning back the clock, traveling and returning to a previous life full of agony and lose. She embraced the music and in turn the music took control. She found herself in a different world. A world of pain.

The girls dance around her weaving ribbons that bring colour to the woodland. Soon there will be flowers and brilliant leaves, but not yet. For now the ribbons are the only gay thing in the watery light of early morning. The music is on harmonica and it is the very same tune that has rung through these naked trees each late winter for centuries, beckoning the spring forth from the coldness. As the girls skip and weave in opposing circles and the trunk of last year's sapling becomes the reason for everyone's smiles, grins almost lost behind the rising puffs of their breath.

Rose followed the music and her movements flowed with a dazzling grace that took away the breath of every person around her. She could feel her soul become one with the music and she unleashed her emotions into her dance. She needed this as badly as she needed to breath.

Her entire being moved with a purposeful clarity. With each stride she made, it became more painfully obvious how much heart she put into her routine and how punishing it was for her.

But no one saw the tears she let roll down her round cheeks.

To dance over the grass barefoot was a pleasure of her new life forbade her . She was a girl no longer and new standards were expected. She was to be demur and give way to men in a submissive manner. It was a tension inside, the yearning to dance freely and the fear of non-compliance. She could dance in the darkness under moonless nights, yet even then the feeling would never be the same, always the unrestrained joy tainted by the fear of discovery. The life ahead was all obligation, duty and a deference that never sat well with her soul. It is bad enough that she can't fly with the birds, but never to move with grace and freedom? She think that's why she did it - danced in the daylight with her hair hung loose in the breeze.

When she realized the best she would ever get in the years that stretched ahead was one more dance, bare feet on the grass, it was freeing. Her bruises, her punishment, lie in places unseen beneath her flowing dresses yet she had no regrets. Not one.

With her eyes-up raised, she wipes her tears as one inspired, pale melancholy sate retired and says "If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain; If I can ease one life the aching, or cool one's pain or help one fainting robin into his nest again, I shall not live in vain. And now no joy but lacks salt, that is not dashed with pain and weariness and fault; I crave the stain of tears, the aftermark of almost too much love. The sweet of bitter dark and clove."

 Every burning tear, every harrowing fear, every festering grief, every corroding care, every shooting pain, every piercing remorse; the sighs and moans of lazar-houses reeking with putrefaction and death; the shrieks and wails and clanking chains in hospitals swarming with maniacs; and the curses and blasphemies of dungeons where guilt rots and raves these, all these, are but feeble reverberations of those dismal truths, " Sin reigns unto death." " Death hath passed upon all men, for that all have sinned."

Rose took out the letter that says

"loving me is like loving a masked witch. I cast spells of delight before I hide. Embalm myself in mystery. Each time you think you know me.  I cast a new spell. "

She closes her eyes and to cool down her fire. A fire of revenge.

And now the child is gone. The dream is gone and she has became comfortable numb.



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