Chapter 8

After Rey’s phone call I knew where he wants to meet us. I asked Rey to meet me and explained to him what exactly happened in the house. I also explained how I feel about the kiss and my feeling towards him. Surprisingly, my doubt became true. Though it was a partial shock to me because a part of me believed Rey would never grow feelings towards. All crashed down to earth when he confessed that he liked me even though he knew about my sexuality. He assured me it wasn’t my fault. It is just that we were for each other when no one was there for us. That I made him feel special and he wanted what he has now for the entire lifetime.

I told him that I don’t see him more than a friend and we can never more than his friend. I cannot give him what he wanted even if started dating. Rey said that he can’t just let go of me in an instant and he needs time. He promised me that he never talk or behave towards me with such feelings.

But something he said made me guilty that he doesn’t have his best friend to discuss the important matter of his life. He has no shoulder to lean on while this pain is hunting him.

Everyone in this situation needs someone to rely on to get better, let go, and work towards healing. In this case, my presence will pain him more than my absence. Though I know he won’t, I assured him that I will be there for him if he needed any help.

How ironic, the girl who is trying to heal her is the girl who hurt him in the first place.

Well, few days passed since us trying to stay away from each other and I informed Cecile everything happened between me and Rey. She gave me a ‘ I told you so’ dance once she arrived in India. The bright side of all this is Cecile did feel bad about Rey and called him and checked on him regularly.

It has been a week since Cecile came back to India and Pranav’s visit home. Rey, Cecile, and I went for dinner ended up caught in paparazzi and spiraling questions. Rey and I declined the rumors and we confirmed that we aren’t dating. Things were quite good till Friday. We three were hanging out in my house while my brother was gone for outdoor shooting.

“So if I ask you out at the same time when your ex asks you out. You will still choose him. Though he cheated on you “ Rey asked while he was inside the kitchen cooking a Chinese dish as he lost against Cecile in word scramble.

“Definitely! Without a second thought,” Cecile beamed while thinking of a word.

“ What if it was you ex VS D’s brother”

“ I will think about it for few days and-”

“Excuse me? You like my brother!” I shrieked in shock.

“Yup, come on your brother is kinda hot “Cecile’s cheeks grew pink in blush and she couldn’t stop her smile.

“For god’s sake, he is my brother”

“That doesn’t mean he is my brother. Besides, why do you think I am sticking with you!” She winked at Rey.

Rey let out a loud laugh holding his stomach, pointing his hand at me. He slumped himself in the chair near him, his entire body was shaking as he threw his head back he was laughing like a child occasionally looking at my hysterical reaction.

I felt relieved seeing him laughing carelessly and behaving normally around me.

Thanks to Cecile.

As the laughter died, I commented” I feel betrayed”

“ I am sorry honey, I didn’t mean to hurt you” Cecile replied leaning over patting my shoulders giving me a dramatic sniffle, and sat back again to place a letter on the board.

“Hate you “ I mumbled.

“ We love you “ She shouted.

“Yeah, We love you,” Rey said as he paused, arranging the plates, stared at me as he let out the words, caught my glance for a moment before moving to bring the food.

Cecile cleared her throat to gain my attention.

I smiled at her and continued to play.

It was past 7 in the evening when we were finishing Rey’s Chinese special.

“ You know what as I thought about it I think I will choose my ex against your brother”

“Hold on, why? I mean I can get it, why not me? But D’s brother is like the stable guy and he is a good guy to be honest why not him? Why him?” Rey asked.

“ I mean call me crazy if I am willing to choose my ex over and over again. But that is love. I know he wasn’t loyal. But he was my perfect guy. I mean there is wrong with your brother. And Rey is right he is stable and a guy next door type of guy and he is successful, got money but he is not my type. Moreover, My ex was wild and I am wild too. We were perfect”

“ Literally wild” She smirked.

“Too much information C”

“ I mean all those bites and scratching was amazing”

“Woah Woah stop there” I stood up and walked away to my phone.

There were messages from my brother, my mother and one particular message caught me off guard.

“Guys, “ I shouted.

“What happened?” Rey asked me from the dining room.

“ Pranav just messaged me”

Next thing I knew they both surrounded me hovering over me to see the message.

“ He wants us to meet by tomorrow evening in the club” I informed.

That brought us here.

We were waiting outside a local bar outside the town, where I used to come for doses. I know the manager here who in turn knows a dealer who would get the stuff.

“To where it all began. Isn’t it quite dramatic, Rey?” Cecile teased Rey.

“ An actor who fell in love with a director. What do you expect from me?” I froze.

He loves me.

I thought it was just a crush.

I couldn’t react right away. My heart is beating heavily, not in a good way. All the blood drained from my face. How long has he been in love with me? Why didn't he say anything that day?

The guilt was slowly crippling through my body. I didn’t meant any of this to happen.

How canI so be blind to his feelings.

How am I supposed to react to this?

Rey must have realized what he said and he saw my reaction.

“Diksha Actually..uhm.. Let me explain. It isn’t your fault” I cut him off by waving my hands.

“I know you are going to say this. I know I should have saw this coming. I am sorry Rey. I am-”

“No you don’t have to I can understand you it is just -”

“ It’s fine Rey I get it. We will talk about it later. I think Pranav is here. Let’s just get it over with.” I pushed the words out as I opened the dorr pulling my hood up as I slowly walked in.

As soon as I entered strong alcohol and smike hit me , it brought back all the horribel things I have grown through every high and how I would find myself with different men in every morning. I was hurting myself something I couldn’t control. I thought this was the only way to numb everything all I was feeling.

Failure and rejection can lead you to the darkest pathway of lives you would never imagined you would venture on.

Not only the memories my nerves shot me up again. I was trying to be control ease my anxiety and nerves until I was on car and I was doing good until Rey confessed.

It feels like fate has brought me here again just to numb everything again. It feels like a sign but I know it is toxic. But the urge is strong. And the place and pain is tempting to me whole different level.

If I survived today without touching anything, I will live. I was sweating profusely and all the people lying here were conscious and the white substance across the table and floor made me stumble with confidence and resistance.

I am restraining myself with everything I got.

I am minutes away to rip out the rope holding me back.

As soon as Cecile spotted Pranav she held my arm pulling me away from my thoughts and impulsions.

How can I say that it isn’t enough?

I looked away from the substance trying to take hold of me. I turned to Cecile to see her in her hoodie paired with blue jeans and a scarf covering her face only with her eyes left uncovered.

Rey was the same but he had coolers in his to cover his eyes as he had an infamous tattoo near his eyes.

I sat myself on the couch against Pranav already with a few drinks of alcohol as he was bouncing his head to the music in the bar.

“ Just get with it Pranav “ I sneered at him.

I couldn’t breathe the more I stayed the more I lost my restrain . I keep glancing around the bar trying to shake off the urge and nervousness.

“What's so hurried, darling?” He smirked at me.

He clearly can see the effect on me but still he wouldn’t budge.

Son of a bitch.

“ Pleasure drinks” A familiar voice reached me while a tray of drinks was placed before me.

I shaked my head right away.

“Need some weed?” The same voice snapped me out of the trance as I whipped my head towards the voice.

That’s when I saw her again.

Do you think Rey’s confession shocked me? seeing her here sucked the life out of me.

“Tara!” I sounded shocked.

“Cherry!madam” She moved across the table with slow sensual steps swaying her hips. She bend to pick a cherry placed in one of the bowls and plopped in her mouth moved close to me and swallowed it in front of me as she walked away closing the curtain leaving me astounded.

What the hell!