Chapter 14

I am jumping in my mind on the pink bean bag placed in the corner of the room while I am sitting on Cecile's study chair and writing about my incredible experience of teaching Tara. I want to run over to the pink plushy Cecile's favourite bean bag and bounce on it like a single child. I want to imagine her eyes every time I hit the soft material and inhale her lavender smell when I surface back to reality.

Cecile will kill me if I am planning to jump and bounce on her favourite pink bean bag without taking a shower.

That clean bitch.

She wouldn't kill me. Wouldn't she?

She might kick my ass.

But I have planned something else that might get my ass kicked or something worse than that after I open up to her.

Yes, I decided to come out to her today.

Though I am scared to hell. There is little hope in my heart that she will accept and support me for who I am.

Before coming here, I thought I would just spend time with her and write about my first teaching session with Tara and mentally prepare myself to come out to her.

Everything drowned into a deep pit when I entered her house, where she was sitting on her sofa arguing with her ex-boyfriend on the phone. They were arguing which isn't new but I have never seen her cry like today. Cecile isn't a good listener when it comes to arguments, but today she was awfully quiet and snapped at him a few times furiously wiping her tears.

I ran to her and embraced her as she held on to me and cried. Then I moved away from her to sit in her room to wait for her to deal with him first. Seeing Cecile in such a situation was a hard reality slap to my face. What if I end up like her?

It is normal to have arguments in a relationship. But this is beyond repair. Rooting for someone so badly even if they don't want you in their life. This is self-destructive and horrible. After the failures and drugs, I don't want to fall into the spiral again.

…..................

Then, Cecile and I talked about her relationship struggle and she explained to me what's going on between her and him. Why is he avoiding her?

But if you ask me he is being kind of selfish, he cheated on her and now he wants her to be in a relationship with her when half of the world knows that he is engaged to another woman. I advised her to end the crap. But she said I quote 'love can make you do stupid things and he loves her. ' I said nothing to her because explaining to her now will end with me pushing her out of the house. So I ended our conversation and decided to talk to her once she is out of his vortex.

Hence I decided to take her out to dinner, give her a treat, talk about our career situations and come out to her once we reach my home. A change of environment might make some sense to her and she can't hate me if I gave her a good treat.

I hope so.

…….......

So, I came out to her and she didn't take it well. She was shocked and I came to find out that she was planning to set me and Rey. She was shocked and said that she needed time to process everything and I left her house. I also mentioned that Rey knew about my sexual identity already.

I called Rey and narrated everything that happened in Cecile's house. He gave me some comforting words. I had some meetings with producers and it is not going well. I might end up in rejection again. Call me a snob, but I am working hard to get a producer and I think I deserve a chance.

Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself. This might be the last chance for me to be a filmmaker. I have been hearing from my parents to leave this job and marry the guy they have chosen. My brother on the other hand is a pain in the ass by taking sides with our parents.

All through the day, it was an unpleasant one but I couldn't express my happiness while I was travelling back to my home. Because I knew who was waiting for me there and she was worth it.

It has been 2 days since the day I found her crying about her relationship and a day since I came out to her and she shut the door on my face.

Most importantly three days since Tara and I started sessions. But something incredible happened today. Something surreal, comforting and exciting happened today.

I kissed her.