CHAPTER 19: HER INSECURITIES
THE GIRL WHO CAN’T DATE
By Eleventh
CHAPTER 19: HER INSECURITIES
“How can I appreciate myself when I can’t find a single thing about me that’s worth appreciating?” – Ira P.
PRESENT
“You had a lot of customers. Are you happy, mom?” Raine asked. She gently patted Ira on her shoulder when she noticed how she kept rubbing her hands.
Ira looked at her daughter with a smile.
“Yeah. And a bit nervous too. I hope everyone is enjoying the food.”
“Of course, they do. You bake well.”
“Thank you! I really need the reassurance right now.” With her daughter so close to her, she couldn’t help but take a good look at her face. “Did you wear make-up?”
“Yeah. Is it bad?”
Ira shook her head. “No. It’s nice. I didn’t know you’re good at putting make-up.”
“Pft. I learned from the pro. I’ve been watching you do your make-up since I was a kid.”
“Really? You do?”
Raine sniggered at her mom’s amazement. Their conversation was then interrupted when Ares and Seah with their 8-year old son came with a big potted plant.
“Congratulations, Ira! Hi, Raine!” Seah greeted Ira with a kiss on the cheek. Raine gave them a hug and a kiss too.
“Hi, Gaius!” Raine greeted her cousin who pressed a smile and waved a hand in response.
“Oh, isn’t this my favorite nephew! Hello there, Gaius!” Ira caressed Gaius’ pink cheeks. “Did he have a session today from his speech therapy?
Ares and Seah nodded.
“How is he?”
“His therapist said he’s improving,” Ares answered.
“We’re just happy that he can at least communicate his needs now,” Seah added.
“That’s good!” Ira assured patting Gaius' head.
“Everything seems to look good on the first day.” Ares perceived.
“It is,” Ira agreed.
“Where’s Joey and Camille?” Ares asked noticing that his best friend and his wife are nowhere to be seen.
“Joey is managing the people in the kitchen, while Camille is checking the supplies.”
“I guess you’re in charge of overseeing the guests?” Seah asked.
“You bet I am.”
“Wow! I’m so proud of you, Ira! You finally knew how to face people.”
Ira sniggered. “I guess people do change when they age.”
“By the way, Ira…” Seah showed the potted plant to Ira. “…here’s a gift from Claude. He says, congratulations! I didn’t know you’re still in touch with him.”
“Yeah, we still do. Claude and I are really good friends. Too bad he couldn’t come today.” Ira answered, accepting the gift from Seah.
“Yeah, did he mention why?”
“He had an appointment with his branch managers. What a busy man that guy is.” Ira answered as she politely asked Raine to place the pot at the corner of the room.
“Right. It’s not easy to run a coffee shop.”
“I heard he runs 2 branches here in the city and 3 branches out of town. Is that right?” Ares asked.
“He does. Have I mentioned that he was the one who inspired me to open up a café?”
“Really? Doesn’t that mean competition?”
“Well, competition is good for business, Babe,” Seah answered her husband.
“Impressive! He’s very successful indeed. How about… Uhm, never mind. I think you should go and entertain your guests.”
Ira left her brother and sister-in-law for a moment to greet and entertain because more guests have arrived, mostly Ira’s friends, to show support to their newly opened café. Meanwhile, Raine gave a hand by ushering her uncle’s family to an empty table.
“Here’s the menu, ma’am and sirs. Please, allow me to take your order.” Raine amusingly entertained the family of three while holding a paper and a pen, standing in front of them like a real waitress.
“Suits you well, Raine.” Ares praised with a chuckle.
“I’m actually thinking of applying for a part-time job. Do you think they’ll accept me?” Raine whispered.
“They should. And if they do, Gâteau Et Pizza will have the most charming and adorable waitress in town.” Seah added with a wide grin. Even Gauis agreed, putting up two thumbs up at Raine.
While having fun with their conversation, Raine stared at Gaius and unintentionally compared his face to his parents. Then, she crinkled her eyebrows because she sees no resemblance at all.
“Uhm, who does Gaius resemble more?”
Both parents looked at Gauis and then chuckled.
“If you will take a close look at Gaius, you’ll see that he looks a lot like you,” Seah replied.
Ares gently took Gaius' eyeglasses to let Raine see his face. She gasped when she realized they indeed have the same set of eyes. Interested, Raine sat beside Seah and asked more questions.
“How is this possible?”
“You both take after your grandmothers.”
“You knew my grandmother?”
“Of course. My mother and your grandmother are sisters. Didn’t Ira tell you that?”
Raine’s eyes sparkled. “No. Probably because I never asked.”
2017 JOURNAL
Dinner was served with merriment when every Pardilla gathered around the dining table to enjoy Seah’s cooking. Mageneo was pleased to say that he was glad he could take a break from cooking dinner. Eros and Orion were equally happy to be able to eat a different kind of meal. Ares couldn’t stop smiling at how happy his family is with Seah. Usher quietly enjoyed his food too while being fed by Ira who admittedly liked Seah’s cooking but feels too insecure to compliment her.
“This has been a great dinner. Thank you, babe!” Ares held his wife’s hand and kissed it.
“I’m glad that I’m making all of you happy. Are you happy too, Usher?” Seah beamed. Usher grinned widely showing his baby teeth.
“I think he enjoyed his food. His plate is almost clean.” Eros remarked.
“Right! By the way, my parents are going to have their golden wedding tomorrow. They insist to invite all of you.” Seah proclaimed.
“You okay with it, Pops?” Ares asked.
Mageneo smiled, his eyes were almost closed. “I might just probably stay and rest. But you should go.”
“Alright! We might probably go after work and school. How’s that?” Ares and Orion nodded. “Ira! You’re not skipping this, are you?”
“Alright, Usher! Time for your bath.” Ignoring her brother, Ira proclaimed as she carried Usher from his seat.
“Ira, can I try giving Usher a bath?” Seah asked.
Ira paused for a second. She suddenly became possessive of her baby brother and held onto him tightly. Everyone was looking at her, waiting to respond to Seah. She wanted to say no, get angry, and be selfish but she couldn’t fight Seah, especially when she’s looking at her so sweetly.
“U-uhm… sure. But… Usher cries whenever he’s not used to people yet. And I don’t think he feels comfortable with you already because… you’re new.”
“Why don’t you let her carry him. Let’s see if he cries.” Orion suggested.
“May I?”
Seah went closer to Usher. She reached out both of her hands and waited for Usher to stretch his. When he reached for Seah’s hands with smiles and giggles, everyone was surprised and clapped their hands.
“Look! He didn’t cry! Does that mean he likes me?”
“He sure does!” Eros replied.
“I think it’s because you’re sweet and gentle, Seah. Usher must have felt that in you.” Orion added and all the boys nodded in agreement.
“So, can I give him a bath now?”
Ira pressed her lips as she placed her hands at the pocket of her jeans and nodded to give her permission. At her signal, Seah immediately left the kitchen, excited to have a water play with the toddler.
“Wow! That was unexpected! I really thought Usher would cry.” Orion exclaimed.
“Me too. I remember how he cried endlessly whenever Ira holds him.” Eros reminisced sniggering.
“He only stops crying if Pops snatches him away from Ira’s hands,” Ares stated.
“Considering that she was the one who found him, I can’t believe it took her a month to win his trust. But Seah? Wow! It only took her days to make Usher feel comfortable around her.” Orion chuckled.
“So, what are you guys trying to say?” Ira’s stares turned livid and her eyebrows crinkled. She sounded disgruntled too.
“Nothing! We were just…” Ares tried to explain.
“NO! You were trying to point out something. WHAT IS IT?”
The boys need not answer her. They knew there’s no sense talking to her when she’s finding faults at conversations that should mean nothing harm. They synchronously stood from their seat and began to clean up the table. Meanwhile, their placid father just crossed his arms, weaving a deep sigh while watching his children.
Realizing that she was being ignored, Ira went up to her room and slammed the door behind her. Minutes later, Ares knocked on her door and peeped as he opened it.
“Can I come in?”
“What do you want?” Ira answered, lying on her bed still upset.
“Just wanna talk.”
Ira did not answer, but Ares took it as a yes. He slowly walked inside and sat at the foot of her bed.
“Hey!” he said, stroking her foot.
“WHAT?!”
“You okay?”
“Yes!”
Ares sniggered. “Are you sure? You don’t sound you’re okay.”
“I said, I’m okay!”
“Are you upset with Seah?”
Ira got up from her bed to face her brother. “Why would I be upset? Should I be upset because she’s good at everything? Because she cooks well and cleans well? Because she’s not just pretty, but she’s also sweet, kind, and healthy? Or should I be upset because when she held Usher, he didn’t even cry? Do you think I’m an immature kid to feel all that?”
Ares stared at his sister who definitely looked like a kid in a tantrum. Listening to her rants, he can’t help but snigger.
“Stop laughing, Ares! You’re annoying me!”
But Ares did not stop. Yet, he laughed even more.
“Do you realize you’re acting like a kid? You’re 25 but look at you, you look like a 5-year old kid.”
Ira stood up and bellowed.
“Fine! Yes, I am upset! Not at Seah of course. I am upset because you guys are comparing me to her. And I hate myself for feeling so insecure. I tried to say something nice about myself but I can’t find a single thing about me that’s worth appreciating. And do you know what upsets me more? It’s when Usher didn’t even hesitate to go to Seah. I feel like… I don’t know. A bad person? Why did Usher hate me at first? I was the one who found him! Do I really make people uncomfortable?”
Ares went closer to his sister and held her shoulders to calm her down. Then he sighed, thinking which one to address first.
“Listen! Earlier, we were just reminiscing about the past. We do not mean anything. We’re not trying to say that you’re a bad person or you make people feel uncomfortable. That is not true!”
Ira shoved Ares’ hands. “But it doesn’t change the fact that he always cried whenever I hold him.”
Ares sighed again. “When Usher was still a baby, he was uncomfortable with everyone, not just you. And that was understandable because we were all basically strangers to him. But in the end, we all know that you are the closest person to him. You never stopped pursuing that baby. You never stopped making him feel that he is finally home, safe, and loved. And with Seah? That’s not because of who she is. Usher has changed. He’s a happy toddler now. He’s already comfortable with meeting new people because he knows he is secured. And that’s all because of you Ira.”
Ira’s lips quivered. “But…”
“Wait! I’m not done yet.” Ares breathed. “One more thing, Ira. You may be imperfect in so many ways but you have good sides too.”
“Yeah? Like what?”
“The way you love. You’re good at loving people. Cooking us breakfast even if you’re not good, that’s love. Keeping and taking care of someone who’s not even a relative, that’s love. You’re selfless and compassionate and I think that’s worth appreciating.”
She was teary-eyed with Ares’ words. She didn’t realize until Ares did, that all she wanted was to be appreciated. Sometimes what people need is words of affirmation. When they couldn’t seem to love themselves, they need someone to point out reasons why they deserved love.