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I can’t see him… I can’t let him sway me, or touch me, or get close. My heart will betray me if I do.

It’s followed by the squeak of one of the cleaning carts and I exhale in relief when it rolls right on by my room and fades into the distance. My body weak with relief, and I sprawl out star shaped on my bed, exhaling so heavily I let out a whoosh noise and then moan at my own stupid despair.

Stop freaking out, Alora. You’re going to get yourself in such a mess and not be able to follow through. Relax, breathe, count.