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I try and not to ponder on it, to push it out of my head and focus on a task of doing, instead of thinking. It’s all I can do if I don’t want to succumb to these overwhelming feelings, and all the questions about Carmen, about us. Starting to doubt myself and what I felt in the forest, but there’s nothing else to explain what that was. It had to be him marking her or betraying our bond in another way. Nothing can compare to the level of pain, and heartbreak, and betrayal I felt, and I should remind myself of that and not get lost in him as he tries to win me round. I need to stay true to the fact and ignore how much I still love him. How every sense, and fiber in my soul, aches to be reunited with him in even the smallest ways.