Of Taunts and Perverts

(Leaf Village)

Back in Konoha, Minato casually approached the local hot springs. Rather than wearing his duty uniform, he wore a simple white t-shirt, dark blue pants, and dark blue ninja sandals.

'I can't believe Kamui would do something like that. Sure, she can be cold, but she's never been so… callous. Wait, I don't think that's the right word for it. Still… Yugao's recount of Naga's explanation makes sense. It's just… how do I go about addressing it?' He absentmindedly pondered.

'Well, in any case, I'll probably have to prohibit her from using her eye's soul-reading power to the extent she has been. Clearly, it's messing with her head. Maybe I should slow down their extermination missions and send her on a humanitarian one. I did have that B-Rank mission to help the western territory of Fire Country; they were recovering from that unnaturally long drought. But that would be a waste of her talents. Knowing her, she'll likely set something up that'll eliminate the water problem altogether. The mission would end quickly, and she wouldn't learn much.'

Warring between his duties as a father and as a Hokage, he continued to ponder his daughter's situation until he heard something nearby.

"Hehehe" A quiet perverted giggle could be heard in a nearby bush. "Oh, yeah. Keep splashing babe. 10 out of 10.

Snapping out of his thoughts, he let out a defeated sigh.

"Of course he's peeping. I almost forgot who I was dealing with." He muttered, embarrassed that his sensei still preyed on young women even in his old age.

Approaching, he saw a tall, well-built middle-aged man with slightly tanned, fair skin. He had waist-length, spiky white hair tied back into a ponytail, with two shoulder-length bangs framing his face. There were red lines under his eyes which extended down his face from his eyes to his neck. Wrinkles could be seen around the corners of his mouth and a wart on the left side of his nose. His attire consisted of a short green shirt kimono and matching pants, under which he wore mesh armor that is visible at his wrists and ankles. He also wore hand guards, a black belt, traditional Japanese wooden sandals, and a red haori with two yellow circles on each side. He carried a large scroll on his back, had a tattoo on his left palm, and he wore a horned forehead protector with the kanji for "oil", which denoted his affiliation with Mount Myōboku, the land of his summons, the toads.

This was Jiraiya, Konoha's Toad Sage, and its greatest intelligence gatherer. Unfortunately, he was also their greatest pervert.

Shaking his head, he moved to stand in front of the bush, and faced away. Although he wouldn't expose his sensei out of an admittedly misplaced sense of loyalty, he wouldn't partake himself. Unlike his sensei, he had two beautiful wives at home to cater to any sexual fantasy he may have and even those he didn't know he had. Truly, he pities his great sensei.

So powerful.

So famous.

And yet, a prisoner to a woman whose heart was closed tighter than his budget after an Ichiraku special. Seriously, how Kushina can put down so much ramen is beyond him.

"It's been a while sensei. Still up to your old tricks?" He amusedly asked.

"*Chuckle*" The man burst out into a quiet chuckle, clearly careful of giving away his position. "These tricks are gold, just like the beautiful babes down there hehe." He confidently replied, ending with his signature perverted giggle.

"*Sigh*

"Seriously sensei? One day you're going to peek on the wrong person and get yourself killed." Minato stated in exasperation.

"Bah! You worry too much Minato. I'm always very careful with who I peep on." Jiraiya confidently dismissed.

"Oh Man! Since when did these babes get here!? I've always loved red heads! Though, the cold babe next to her's a perfect ten too. That sinful body's just begging to be loved. Oh, man! I think I have the perfect models for the next Icha Icha!" He rapidly exclaimed with perverted enthusiasm.

Minato always marveled at how his sensei could be so loud and still remain hidden from his peeping targets. Although… something about what he just exclaimed was sending off warning flags in his mind.

After pondering for a second, he just shrugged.

'Meh, I'm sure it's nothing.'

"Anyways sensei, how long do you plan on being in Konoha this time?" He asked.

Suddenly, the atmosphere changed. Although he couldn't see him, Minato knew his sensei had gotten serious. The sudden feeling of stillness in the air said it all. At their level, the chakra they passively emitted reflected their attitude, a phenomenon especially present in sages.

"I won't stay long; there's too much work to do. I just came to tell you about some urgent news that needed to be given in person. It's grave." Jiraiya stated, immediately causing Minato's exasperation to give way to seriousness.

With the amount of power Konoha had accumulated, there was very little that could threaten them. Therefore, there was very little news his sensei would consider grave, a classification he reserved for potential calamities to the village.

"Speak." He commanded, having mantled his Hokage mindset.

"I met up with my old, renegade teammate." Minato's eyes widened at the news.

His sensei had been tracking the man for almost two decades with little success. He had a sinking feeling though that it hadn't been his sensei's merit for the encounter.

"Where'd you find him? From the lack of reinforcement requests, I doubt you found him in one of his labs." Minato guessed.

"No…" Jiraiya slowly refuted. "He found me."

(Flashback Start)

"Thanks Akeno. I'll see you tonight~" He slurred, having had too much to drink.

Stepping out of a bar, he gazed at the horizon, noticing the color bleeding away from the sky, giving way to a myriad of yellows, oranges, and reds.

'So, it's already evening huh?' He absentmindedly thought in his drunken haze.

Suddenly, a noxious wave of chakra filled the air. Its polluted form was akin to miasma, tainting the town's fresh air with a sickening taint. It wasn't noticeable by anyone else either for one reason; it was entirely composed of nature chakra, a form of energy almost undetectable by those untrained in senjutsu when in its raw form.

What made Jiraiya especially warry was how familiar this chakra was. It wasn't exactly the same, but he could feel vestiges of his old teammate in it.

Quickly, he ran through a set of hand signs.

'Ninja Art: Detoxification Jutsu.' With the jutsu cast, his mind cleared of the alcohol's effects. Having set the jutsu in advance, it had primed his body to eliminate any alcoholic toxins introduced during its activation period. Now, his addled mind had returned to a combat ready state.

Deciding to accept this obvious invitation, he rushed outside of town at his highest speed, using the roofs of buildings as steppingstones to avoid the crowds.

(The Hill)

Arriving at the hill he sensed the chakra coming from, Jiraiya's eyes widened at what he saw in front of him.

Standing there, was what could only be described as a bastardized Kaguya clansman with what he desperately hoped wasn't a mutated byakugan. How did he guess it may be a Byakugan? Well, he had been sent copies of the research his old teammate had done at the Kocho Island lab and had been intrigued by the common ancestor between the Hyuga and Kaguya Clans.

Seeing this Orochimarufied version of a Kaguya bearing yellow pupiless eyes made him nervous, really nervous.

It didn't help that the man's chakra had taken on a much darker, vastly more potent form. Maybe it had something to do with the vast reservoir of nature chakra he felt pulsing from the man's core? Clearly it wasn't a tailed beast, but it was concerning regardless. Combine that with the two bloodlines and… well, he really wasn't liking the conclusions his mind was forming.

Orochimaru was dangerous, but his threat was manageable. Why? It was because he was too obsessed over the sharingan, a bloodline that gave birth to self-destructive tendencies. Not only was the bloodline imperfect, but his single-minded focus on it reduced the snake's threat to Konoha significantly.

If Orochimaru truly moved on to a potentially equally powerful bloodline with unexplored capabilities… well, it would be bad, really bad.

"It's good to see you Jiraiya. How long's it been?"

The snake spoke with a young, deep voice, one that certainly didn't belong to him.

"Not long enough, clearly." Jiraiya dully answered.

What made it worse was how his friend hadn't even bothered to retain his true form. Despite his constant body hopping, his teammate had always managed to change his new body's shape to resemble his true form, a way of retaining his identity through the constant body swaps. That's what made this new form… telling.

"Aww… and here I thought you'd be excited to see me~. What with you chasing me across the world all these years." Jiraiya scowled at Orochimaru's snide remarks.

"While I would love to sit down and catch up for old times' sake…" Jiraiya stated with dull sarcasm. "I need to know one thing first." The toad sage's eyes narrowed.

"How the hell did you stably switch bodies? How are those eyes sitting in your sockets so well without being sealed? I've seen your research. There's no way you could've made such a large breakthrough so quickly, not at the rate you were going."

"Jiraiya. Jiraiya. You know that's not how this works. Do you honestly believe I would share such valued secrets… just like that~? Hehehe, how naïve~." Orochimaru playfully replied.

In response, Jiraiya simply shrugged.

"Worth a shot, I guess." Jiraiya uncaringly stated.

Shifting into a battle-ready stance, he continued, "I guess it's time for me to force it out of you, isn't it?" He stated seriously.

Although he didn't like his chances, that didn't mean it wasn't his responsibility to try. Who knows, he may get lucky.

"Hehehe" The snake sage laughed at his teammate's ignorance, his unchanging casual posture reflecting his lack of concern.

"Even were we to come to blows, you would stand no chance as I am now. You have remained still, stagnant… while I have moved ever closer to becoming a god."

Rather than playful, his tone had shifted toward condescension.

"A god? What happened to becoming immortal? And here I thought your expectations were grounded in reality. I knew you were a megalomaniac, but you've gone off the deep end, haven't you?"

Although Jiraiya spoke with bravado, beads of sweat trickled down his forehead, revealing his nervousness at the change in goals.

"heheheHaHaHaHAHAHA" Orochimaru's chuckle crescendoed into maddening laughter at the old toad's ignorance.

"You really don't know, do you Hahaha!? There's a vast dimension of power above our own, a sea of knowledge and potential beyond your wildest dreams!" He exclaimed excitedly.

Jiraiya felt his stomach drop. His friend was many things. A coward. A freak. A maniac. There was one thing he hated though.

Lying.

His old friend wasn't a Liar. He may omit the truth, fill it with his biases, or even tell it in such a way to lead others to the wrong conclusion, but he never outright lies. That's why people fell for his corrupting rhetoric in the first place.

"I've joined a quaint little group, one that looks beyond the petty workings of the shinobi world. One headed by a man so powerful, he could very well walk into any of the villages, cut down the sitting Kage, and walk out unimpeded."

Jiraiya's eyes widened in alarm not only at the fact that Orochimaru joined an organization, one that likely had the resources to facilitate such a drastic boost in his research, but also that a figure of such power existed outside of Konoha's knowledge.

"We're all seeking roughly the same things: power, godhood, immortality, or something of that nature. It's the perfect group for me. A group where discoveries can be traded, like-minds can gather, and secrets can remain so at our own discretion."

Jiraiya, fighting his own nervousness at the information presented, asked with suspicion, "Why are you telling me this? From what I'm hearing, a group like this works better in the shadows. Why would someone as secretive as you give so much away?"

Orochimaru shrugged, seemingly unconcerned.

"Call it vanity, but at this point, I'm just that confident in my own power. Konoha simply doesn't have the power to stop us, and I will take great joy in watching you termites squirm." Orochimaru replied with a visible sneer.

"Aren't you concerned this leader will retaliate, what with you revealing such sensitive information?" Jiraiya asked, trying to get Orochimaru off balance.

"Hahaha." Laughter was the man's only response. "Did you know he invented a seal to render your student's space-time ninjutsu useless, without effort? The casualness with which the act was done was something to behold. What made it even greater was that the man was like me, human with no in-born bloodlines. Truly, the first time in my life, I felt intellectually inferior to another.

"Do you honestly think someone like that CARES whether it's known or not? I have every confidence that this little group's just an amusing side show for him, a means of entertainment watching us little people claw their way up. The only ones I'd anger are the others and knowing them, you'll be hard pressed to challenge them too."

He hadn't thought it possible, but somehow, the man's maddened smile grew even wider.

"You know what…? I'll even give you the code names of our core members, just to give you a running start. They're based on the goals we wish to achieve. Good luck figuring them out."

"Myself – The Eternal,

"Our Leader – The Transcendent,

"The Shadow,

"The Avatar,

"The Chimera,

"And our newest recruit, 'The Mother'. She just joined a few days ago in fact, such a… troubled~ soul hehehe." He chuckled to himself, further confusing Jiraiya who was wondering what the hell was going on.

"Please, try your best to stop us, especially myself, because once I complete my goal, I will test my new powers against Konoha. I care little of revenge, but Konoha is the strongest nation and therefore, the greatest testbed I could ever wish for."

Jiraiya paused, needing a moment to process what he'd just been told, trying to piece together follow-up questions. Before he could recover his bearings though, Orochimaru fell into the ground, like one falls into water.

"Wait! Orochimaru!" Jiraiya shouted in shock, readying himself to chase this… 'evolved' Orochimaru. Unfortunately for him, the Orochimaru who had fully sunk into the ground, split into eight equal parts that were impossible to distinguish between which then split into a seemingly infinite number of snakes tunneling in every direction.

"Damn!" Jiraiya shouted, cratering the ground with an enraged stomp. His friend had never been capable of that before. Those weren't shadow clones, nor any other kind of known clone. No. If they were, he could have distinguished between them with his senjutsu awareness; they were something else. It was almost as if… they were all Orochimaru.

In any case, there was only one conclusion he could reasonably reach with all the new information presented.

'I need to return to Konoha.'

(Flashback End)

"I couldn't even respond to his declaration before he escaped."

"It's understandable… that's a lot and I have a strong suspicion of who 'The Mother' may be. The goal along with their recent joining brings to mind a familiar subject… In any case, I'm glad you made it out of there alive. If what you're saying is true, he may have been capable of killing you had he the mind to do so." Minato seriously stated, unnerved at the new intel.

A long, tired sigh escaped from behind the bushes, one Minato hadn't heard from the man since the nine-tails incident.

"An Orochimaru with the power of two great bloodlines, a stable body that he has full ownership of, and mastered senjutsu could very well have done so. That's not even considering whatever that senjutsu reservoir was… Despite the hit to my pride, I have to agree with you." Jiraiya tiredly affirmed.

Minato nodded. Realizing how out of the loop his sensei currently was, he realized it was time to bring the old man into the fold.

"Still, based on your story, I think I may have a theory on the changes to his personality. The frivolity, the lack of the cowardice he's known for, and even the nature of this 'senjutsu core' you noticed. Sensei, there's a LOT we need to talk about." Minato stated, eliciting an understandable shock from the pervert who was still peeping behind the bush.

"Seems like i-"

Jiraiya paused. "Wow! What a babe! Oh… and she's friends with the other two! Wait… is that silver hair? Is she a Hatake? I thought Kakashi was the last one. But damn, she's just my type! 10/10, no, 20 out of 10! But… there's something odd about these three..."

His erratic perversion fell to contemplation as his awareness picked up the oddities in their chakra, two of which reminded him of the snake sage they were just discussing. Oddly enough, he felt like he'd met one of them somewhere; he just couldn't remember where.

Unfortunately for him, Minato heard these mutterings causing the Kage to pause.

Unconsciously, he started listening to the sounds he had been drowning out from the hot springs his sensei was peeping on.

"Kamui… are you seriously meditating right now? You just got here." A cold female voice rang out from the hotspring his sensei had been peeping on, making Minato freeze. His mind had shutdown. His ears hadn't though.

"Yes?" A way-too familiar voice replied.

"Why? Aren't we supposed to be, I don't know…, relaxing?" Another, warmer, voice asked, clearly confused at the reply.

"Aren't I?" His now-identified daughter answered, confused at their confusion.

"*Sigh…* Not the way you're supposed to. We're supposed to talk and get to know each other. We're here to bond, not find another excuse to train!" The one he assumed to be Himiko exclaimed.

He rebooted, his eyes darting back to his sensei, who had similarly frozen when that name was spoken, clearly having realized who he had been peeping on.

What's worse was that she probably didn't even care it was happening.

'She was beautiful; of course people would peep on her' is how she probably saw it.

Unacceptable.

"Jiraiya." He ominously muttered, his tone sending chills up the toad sage's spine. "Are you peeping on my daughter…?"

Well, as her most loving father…

"Uhhhh, Minato, my best student; my ever-forgiving student."

"You made your bed… His frozen voice boomed in Jiraiya's ears, his hand finding itself on the man's shoulder.

He would just have to care on her behalf.

"Now, you're going to lie in it."

And with that, they disappeared in a yellow flash.