Trust(8)

I didn't lie to Wu and I didn't use 'limbo state' either. He knows when I used it so that was a no-go. I meant every word I said.

When I first got here, I saw was this world as nothing more than a game, as a means to an end, to satisfy my desires, but the more that I stayed here, the more I interacted with the people here, the more real this world becomes. With each breath I took, with each scene I saw, with every day I spend with Naomi it became more real.

I matured a lot in the time I spend in this world. When I got here I wanted was to go on adventures, build a harem, become an unstopped being, and do all the crazy fantasies that you have when you imagine yourself in a novel, if you could imagine it, I probably thought about having it.

But as time passed all my wishes changed. I realized that it wasn't a game it was my new life. That the people I interact with every day are not drops of ink on a page, they think, they care, they are afraid, they can get hurt, THEY ARE ALIVE.

It pains me to think that at the beginning I thought about Noami as a means to an end, the moment I was old enough I would leave and live my life in the most glorious way imaginable. The more she took care of me, the more I felt the care and love she had for me, how could a mere character show such feeling for me, how could I care so much for a simple character. I loved her with all my heart, all I wanted to do was protect her and make her happy, give her a better life, because I knew she was as real as I was.

The revelation that everyone here was a real person didn't change my goals by much. I still wanted adventure, but now I had a different view of this world, I wanted to help grandma and my friends, I would make a better place for them than I would leave to go have my adventures.

The real change happened when she died. The phrase "You don't know what you have, till it's taken from you." it's best to describe this. That was the moment I began to walk the path of change, and the moment the change finally happened was when I went on that run with Nya, when she told me she was there for me.

From that moment I started to see the world from a different lens. My desire for selfish adventure changes in an urge for selfless help. I still wanted to explore the world, I still wanted to have fun but at the same time, my wish to help others burned powerful in me. I wanted to help people, like grandma help me. I didn't want to build a harem anymore, the only person I wanted to be with was Nya and I loved her with all my heart.

I was every bit of the person that I was before and more. From my memories of my previous world, I didn't find any grand goal or any person I loved as much as loved Nya now. In my past life, I felt empty at the time, not knowing what I'd doing or working for, now I'm feeling like I'm living every day, every hour, every second.

So every day I try to be a good person, to become better than I was yesterday. Sometimes I manage to act to the standard I set for myself sometimes I fail miserably, what matters to me is that I try my best to do it.

Although I view Wu as family and it pained me to lie to him, I couldn't just tell him that the person he worships is just a fraud, not until I had concrete proof, which was impossible to get. The only way to make him believe me that Amon was a blood bender was for him to show that he can water bend, or for him to say it with his own mouth. Both things were improbable to happen. In the anime, he died just as he found out about this. I wanted him to live, I wanted him to help me lead the new organization I would crate from the Equalists ashes.

Once Wu left all my good mood went down the drain. Yes, I was betraying the Equalists, more precisely Amon, but it was for the greater good. I knew I was doing the right thing, I think that if I told him about this he would think I'm doing the right thing but nevertheless, it still left me with a bitter taste in my mouth.

Since my mood was ruined I didn't want to continue with my work in the workshop so I went to take a stroll in the city.