Despair

Weeks had passed and I've finally and completely recovered, today I decided to visit the kids. 

I could even feel the excitement blooming inside me as I finally came to see them and give them an embrace they all needed.

The van started to zoom the road and Harrison is the only companion with me since Jarred ordered him.

I didn't talk to him, neither of us spoke even a single word and just focused on our minds and business.

"Gio ordered that we shouldn't take long" he suddenly spoke and I just nodded as a response.

Hours had passed and I didn't expect that it would be that far from Jarred's mansion till we arrived at his warehouse, it was guarded, and inside had a lot of CCTV cameras scattered.

l

I felt eased up with the security in this place and I can even guarantee the safety of the kids.

"I'll wait for you out here, just head straight towards that area and you'll find them" Harrison informed me and I didn't waste a second and dashed towards that area.

I Didn't knock nor asked for the securities and just went straight inside the warehouse only to be confused with the situation I have caught up in. 

They are all seated at the corner facing in front, especially at a certain thing. The environment is unmistakably unbearable as it affected me instantly.

"Guys?" I called confused and when they all recognized my voice they turned to me with utter sorrow in their eyes that sent a chill on my nape.

Why do they have that look in their eyes? Aren't they happy to see me? Or did Jarred's men torture them? My blood started to boil instantly with the thought.

"Older sister" I heard Tally's voice as she ran to me.

"Tally, why are you crying? Aren't you happy to see me? Has something happened?"

Tally didn't answer but erupted into a piercing loud cry as some of them followed. My heartbeat races painfully at the sound of their cries, it almost sounded grevious-

My whole body went stiff as the thought sank in my head, I turned in front to look around the room trying to find someone and closely observe their reactions. It shattered my heart when I couldn't find him. I can't even have the strength to ask Tally because I have the feeling I'll go crazy knowing the answer.

Tears started to blur my eyes as I stared in front of where a coffin was placed. My strength drained out and my mind became hazy.

No. It must be a nightmare.

Loud cries filled the room and Tally came to hug me as I dropped to my knees weakly.

"Danny left us older sister, DanDan's gone" Tally cried and I can't help but cry with them.

He visited me every day in my dreams, telling me those same statements.

 Is that why you wanted me to get well sooner because they were sad, afraid? They are sad and afraid because you're not there anymore to look after them?

I slowly got up on my feet and walked near him. I didn't know if my shattered heart could get even more destroyed at the sight of him lying cold and lifeless inside the coffin.

I screamed all my pain and leaned into it, I screamed his name till my throat went sore. 

It hurts. Too much. He's too young!

"Older sister" Tally called as she hugged me tightly.

"I'm sorry" I heard one of them utter painfully

I turned towards Lyla who had just come wearing hospital clothes.

"Why are you sorry Ly?" I asked hoarsely as I reached for her, she and Danny are the oldest and she's not that showy to us, and seeing tears in her eyes is quite new to me.

"He gave his last liver to me when I got critical with just one in me, and-and he seems to haven't made it-" she couldn't finish her sentence as she sobbed hysterically.

I hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead.

"It's not your fault Lyla, he's a great man, and please don't make his sacrifice be a burden to you, he chooses to save you so live for him"  I replied with a hoarse voice.

She didn't reply and just hugged me back.

We all finally calmed down and remained silently grieving remembering him. Our silence got interrupted by Harrison calling for me at the entrance. I didn't pay any heed to him and remained watching the coffin in front.

"Khalil we need to get back" he muttered who was already beside me.

"I'll stay here for tonight" I replied

"We can't, Gio ordered us to return home now" Harrison's voice was exhausted

"I can't leave them" I began to sob again.

"They are safe here Khalil," he replied, convincing me.

"I know, but they need me" I insisted as I stared at him in a pleading way.

He stared at me and there was that certain emotion he tried to hide again.

"I'm just following orders, Khalil, we don't want Giovanni to get pissed or else he'll give no mercy" Harrison stated and I understand what he means right away.

I turned towards the kids and Tally who was currently asleep on Lyla's lap. Lyla nodded at me as if understanding my situation.

"I'll come back, please be safe and look after them, call this number when you need help" I gave the number of the mansion that I asked the maid beforehand. 

She nodded and held my hand.

"Please be careful as well Khalil" she uttered and I nodded as a response 

I took one last glance towards Danny and finally went out with a heavy chest and followed Harrison to the van.

We drove silently yet again and I watched as the sky turned grey and started showering. I cannot hold back my tears any longer and just let them escape from my eyes. 

I turned towards Harrison when I felt the car suddenly stop at the side of the street.

"Come here" he suddenly spoke and it only confused me.

"Look, I'm the least at comforting people, but I can't stand this heav-" I didn't let him finish and I hugged him tight and sobbed uncontrollably on his chest.

It's the very first thing I need right now. And I cannot take this pain alone. I'm too tired.

I cried on him for almost an hour and he brushed my hair soothingly and didn't let go of me though I was just sobbing silently like a child being comforted by her father.

"Did you calm down already?" He asked surprisingly softly.

I nodded and shifted ready to pull away from him but he pulled me back.

"Let's stay like this for a little bit" he silently uttered and rubbed my back soothingly. I lean my head on his shoulder back again and inhale his cologne which seems to help me more to submerge into a tight nap.

------

A sudden shift beside me caused me to flutter my eyes open and turn to look at who was with me but then I saw no one. A thought of Danny who sat beside me outlined in my head like he was with me at the moment.

Tears started to brim in my eyes again and my chest clenched painfully as whimpers escaped from my mouth.

How dare he?! 

How could he do this remorselessly to the kids?!

He killed Danny!

I'll fucking kill him! I'll make sure he feels the same despair as I do!

I cursed out loud his name, threw everything that my hand could grasp, and kicked the table as it went crashing and scattered my knives that were kept in its drawer. I grabbed it and turned to throw it furiously at the door at the same time it opened and almost hit a certain figure.

I immediately recognized him and I just looked away from his cold gaze and went to pick up a pack of my cigarettes that were also scattered on the floor.

I wiped furiously those tears that kept on falling and held back my sobs. I lit up my cigar and took a long drag and exhaled it before inhaling it again and again.

Jarred didn't dare to say a word and I know he's been watching me and observing my already messed up room.

"I know where he is" 

My eyes flew back to him as I heard his statement. I walked closer to him, gritting my teeth.

"Take me to him" I hissed but he just remained unmoving.

"And what? make a rampage? Kill him that easily? After what he had done to you?" Jarred countered 

"Don't you wanna play with him for a while?" He added

"I don't have time for play, I want to end him" I hissed impatiently

"Can you?" 

The question suddenly blocked my head as if the question itself was a stranger to me.

Can I? Am I even able to kill him?

My silence seems to be the answer and Jarred just scoffed. 

"I wonder what might happen if I take you to him. Who'll be the first one to end up dead?"  

It's probably me. Since I never won against him. The thought of being defeated by him brought immense exhaust and exasperation within me and I can't help but be more enraged towards him.

"I can do it for you" Jarred held up my chin and her thumb moved to wipe the escaping tears in my eyes.

I stared at him and his eyes were too empty yet I could feel his tremendous hatred towards Harrison. I know he was capable of erasing him with just a snap of his finger, but I wanted that it would be me ending him.

"I wanted to be as good as you, tell me how can I defeat him?" I muttered defeat as I looked away from him.

"You could only defeat him by using me" he muttered as he again turned my head to look straight at his eyes.

"Use me all you want and I'll make sure he'll end up kissing the mud for you Khalil" he whispered slowly, convincing me effectively.

"What do you want in return?"  I asked suspiciously

When I saw his lips curved into a knowing smirk I just knew this would be trouble.

"You tell me what you think I want in return" he purred

"How would I possibly know? You have everything you want" I almost hissed in annoyance.

"Not everything, would you give yourself to me?" 

I frowned at him 

"I wanted all of you to be mine" he didn't even bat an eye as he stated those words.

"What could you possibly gain from having me?" 

He didn't respond but dragged me to my bed and hovered over me.

"I can have all your warmth for myself" he breathed and started settling us on the bed.

"you're helping me over a mere reason?" I asked.

"it's not a lame reason, I want him dead anyway"

"cuddle isn't even a big deal, what's your real deal?" I asked quite impatiently.

"will you just shut up and rest?"

"tell me"

"I'll ask for it when needed"

"why not just t—"

He shifted as he audibly gnashed his teeth and his jaw visibly tightened.

"suck me off—"

"fuck no!"

"then shut the fuck up"