5 Phil

It was hard to truly grasp the conversation that followed his comment. It helped that creepy mask guy went out of his way to explain the story of Pandora and the box and all that, but its relevance to my own story still seemed too surreal to be believable.
Apparently, the prophecy that pack of horned murderers had been going on about was related to the demon prison. Evidently, if the most pure and powerful of their kind were slain in a fairy circle during the harvest moon, the life of the sacrificed child would fortify the seal that bound the demons. The fact that I had not only lived but hadn't so much as bled weakened it instead. There was also a good chance that the little laser show I had set off had even opened it outright.
So yeah. I basically unleashed demons into the world through my selfish desire to live. Sorry, not sorry.
"You are remarkably unashamed for someone who has brought about what most people believe to be the apocalypse," Creepy mask guy noted. "Though I guess you weren't particularly attached to your new parents or their friends…"
Ya think? The assholes didn't even have the decency to feed me a decent meal before taking me to the alter in the fairy circle to be killed. They didn't even name me for that matter. I mean, if they bothered to remember me, they would've known me as 'the sacrifice.' Considering I probably wasn't the first, nor would I have been the last, it wasn't exactly a distinguishable title.
"If it makes you feel any better, they now call you the betrayer," the guy chuckled. "But on the other hand, the demons are eternally grateful to you for your part in their release. They've given you the title of 'demon kin,' and promised you aid if you should ever need it. I would use that blessing sparingly however, demon magic is exceptionally chaotic and can be very unpredictable."
Yeah, I think I would stick away from demonic blessings. I might change my mind in the future, once I have more control over my crazy baby magic, but for now I was more chaos than I could handle. Last thing I wanted was more wild magic on the loose.
"Normally, a unicorn foul would be taught by their mother. In your case, you might've even been taught by your father if the circumstances were different. Unfortunately, those aren't options for you, but as you've noted, it's imperative to get your power under some kind of control."
Why wouldn't a father help teach their child? Were Unicorns even more biased about gender roles or something? And what made me so special, besides being a real life Flurry hearts that is? Maybe it's just the human in me talking, but unicorn logic made no sense.
"Oh, that's right, you know nothing about unicorn culture," Creepy masked man chuckled. "And you really need to stop thinking of me as 'creepy mask guy.' It's quite rude, and I do have a name."
Well you haven't bothered to share it creepy mask guy. Besides, I think I like the nickname. It's doubtful he'd convince me to use anything else… then again 'creepy mask guy' was a bit wordy. Whatever. Creep would work in a pinch if I really felt like being lazy.
"Lazy is right," Creepy mask guy shook his head. "And barbarically uncultured. Fine, I could give you my full name, but you are such a lazy, ignorant savage I doubt you'd catch the allusion or its significance. For simplicity's sake, you may call me Phil."
Phil? It was so normal and plain, I really wasn't sure what to make of it. Admittedly, I was expecting something more epic, but hey it's not the first let down of the day. Besides, it was easy to remember and pronounce. Just imagine if the guy had a name like Samael, Erebus, or heaven forbid Mephistopheles? I'd get tongue tied just trying to think of the correct pronunciation.
"Enough of that," Phil said with some irritation. Apparently he didn't care for my line of thinking. Really, he should've just been grateful I didn't decided to ignore him and just stick with 'creep.' "You wanted to know more about unicorn culture, and we needed to find you some sort of caretaker. Adult mind or not, you're still physically an infant, and one who is starving and without proper shelter for that matter."
Fine, I guess he was right. It was about time to get back to important topics that involved me not dying. I would just have to save the name thing for later. Besides, it was best to know as much as possible about the people that I had apparently made mortal enemies with.
"I probably should start by telling you that male unicorns are in short supply. In fact, they're such a scarcity, most of the other races in this world don't know they exist. Only about one in a hundred unicorns born will be male, and as rare as a unicorn birth is… well you get the idea. Now, I imagine you wonder how they can sustain their population. They really can't, beyond the fact that unicorns are incapable of dying of old age, and it is incredibly difficult and very taboo to kill one. In fact, to murder a unicorn brings a powerful curse to the guilty individual. The purer the unicorn, the heftier the penalty."
If it was that taboo, then why were those idiots trying to kill me? Were they immune to that curse because they were unicorns too? Or where they really just that desperate and short sighted?
"I see you've already caught on to the flaw in their little plan," Phil chuckled. "No, they aren't immune from that curse. In fact, they're doubly affected by that taboo, being creatures of light and purity. To forsake their true natures and kill an innocent diminishes a unicorn's power. If they had succeeded in killing you, the curse that would have resulted would have not only released the demons they were so desperately trying to keep imprisoned, it would very likely have obliterated the whole of the race. Don't worry, if they had killed you, I had made an arrangement with the demons to have you revived."
So, to summarize this very confusing information, most unicorns are women, it's hard for them to reproduce, and they were basically getting ready to destroy themselves in their desperation to keep the demons locked up, but they were too stupid to realize it.
I mean talk about shattered expectations! So what if I was a girlfriendless looser who spent his time watching My Little Pony on Netflix on the weekends? Unicorns were supposed to be badass magical creatures, like phoenix and dragons, not thoughtless morons who acted out of desperation. They were supposed to be calm, intelligent, wise, and all that junk. These fools were no better than the bratty cheerleaders from my high school who resorted to all sorts of stupid and petty tactics to stand out and be cool.
"I'm almost surprised you aren't lamenting the fact that, had you not become the bane of your own kind, you might've had a harem once you reached adulthood."
…wait… what?
"You heard me," Phil chuckled. "You're one of precious few males, and extremely powerful. If you had lived the life you should have, you would've had your pick of all the fillies in whatever abundance you wished them. I mean, your father only possess a fraction of the power you wield now as an infant, and he has several devoted mates. Imagine what you might've had!"
I had to process that information a few minutes. I mean, what guy doesn't have some dream of having a harem? In reality, women are too much trouble for it to be worth it, and they really don't tend to favor that idea which spoils the whole purpose of it, but it's still a nice pipe dream. That said, the idea of a bunch of horse ladies wanting me sort of diminished the appeal. In fact, imagining those sex sessions was more of a turn off than anything.
"Not a fan of that idea?" Phil laughed. "Don't despair! Once you've been properly trained, you'll be able to take on a humanoid form, so you don't have to fear the thought of having to use any horse handy to satisfy your libido."
Sick bastard, I hadn't even thought of that. Now that horrific image is stuck in my head! Seriously, ew!
"Fine, fine," Phil took a breath though his amusement was still pretty obvious. "I'll stop teasing you. We really need to find you a master. How about we continue this discussion on the road?"
Works for me.