The Beginning of it All

Dread. I feel the dread almost consume me.

"Get ready, brat! You'll be late for school!"

I sigh, not wanting to even sit up. My life isn't easy. My mother is...rough. My dad isn't around, I'm not even sure who he is. Knowing my mother, he isn't a good person. Or, he's a great person and fled once he realized he'd be stuck with a wretch.

"Good grief," I say to myself.

"Your fucking friend is here, GET UP!"

"Friend, right," I mutter to myself.

Chris has been a good friend to me. But, my issue with her lies within myself. I've had a massive crush on her since Middle School. She's beautiful. Long blonde hair with purple at the ends. Pale, more so the "scene" type of look. To me, it doesn't matter what she does with her face or her looks. She's always beautiful. There are two problems with that, well three. She has been my best friend for years. I can't risk that. Two, I'm also a girl and I don't think she's too into that. She's quite against it, I've noticed. And, then there's her boyfriend, Ben. He's such a dick. I know that he knows I like her. He uses it against me all the time, and she's too oblivious to notice.

"Get up you little bi-"

"I'm up, mother."

I walk down the stairs wearing my usual clothes. I don't look good, I know that. I feel dead. My eyes always look sunken in or there's dark circles under them. They're dull and grey, but with the smallest hint of green. My hair is dyed black, it looks lifeless. As if I don't take care of it enough. The truth is that I straighten it too much and I don't even care. When I live like this, I don't have a reason to care, do I? As the story goes on, you might understand. This won't be a fun ride, not for me.

"You worry too much," The 'demon' in my head laughs.

I call him a demon, but he's not rude to me. He teases or says weird cryptic messages, but he's there for me when no one is. And, I need that. At least someone is.

"Hey!"

Chris beams at me, not bothering to notice my mother scowling at me. I don't eat breakfast, I barely eat anything. My mother doesn't let me eat, I just sneak little food here and there or find ways to buy myself food without her knowing. She doesn't say anything, and I don't, either. I leave wordlessly with Chris and we begin walking.

"Do you care if Ben joins us today?"

I want to roll my eyes, but I smile at her,"Not at all. I'm happy you found someone who makes you happy. You deserve to be."

"You're quite good at acting, sometimes. But, don't push yourself. It will tire you out," He reminds me.

I nod, but I don't respond. I assume he understands, seeing as he's inside my mind. You might be wondering where he came from, when I started hearing him, right? I'll tell you, but it's a weird story. So, bare with me. I remember being about five, maybe. The age doesn't really matter, I was a child. My mother was having trouble raising me. By trouble, I mean she was always yelling at me for doing just about anything. Drinking, yelling at me for being me or sometimes just being alive. She never wanted a child. I wasn't sure what to think of this as a child, but it felt wrong. It made me upset, so I'd run to my room and hide under my bed. One of these nights, I noticed that someone was hiding with me. Or, something. I didn't see much, just a small figure about my age.

"Are you hiding, too?" He asked.

I nodded, but remained silent. I didn't want her finding me.

"Are you hiding from the mean lady?"

I nodded again, listening intently as she screamed about how much she wished I was never born. Tears began falling from my eyes.

"Am I bad?" I asked him.

This time, he looks at me. His eyes were blue and he was definitely about my age. I didn't know him, though. I saw him running through the house, and I did ask my mom once. Big mistake. She turned pale and then slapped me for trying to "undermine her". I still don't know what she was referring to.

"Do you think...we can be friends?"

His tone was so innocent, and I noticed tears in his eyes, too. I didn't hesitate to nod.

"You'll be my friend?"

"As long as you'll be my friend."

And now he's always with me. It's strange, I know. I became friends with some "ghost child" and now he's inside my mind. But, I need a friend and he's always there for me.

"Helllllo, are you there? Where did you go?"

I shake my head,"Sorry, I was thinking about something," I laugh.

"You're always thinking about something," She laughs,"Ben said he'll meet me at school, give us some 'alone time'. Whatever that means."

She scoffs, I know she's irritated. I think she deserves better, but I can never say that to her.

"Why do you consider her a friend if she doesn't seem to care about you?" He has a point.

His words make me think, but they don't change how I feel. I'm not sure what "love" feels like, but I think this is it.

"Why aren't we popular?"

"What?"

"Don't you want to be popular, to have people always around you?"

I laugh,"I don't even like random people standing by me, why would I want some fake friends to validate my life?"

Her face turns to an expression that I don't like. She looks as if I've said something wrong.

"I mean," I correct myself,"Of course. The more, the merrier."

She smiles again,"Exactly! This year, we will be popular."

He sighs,"I don't know why you talk to her."

"Sometimes, I don't either," I answer back,"Why do I talk to anyone?"

"I'm always here."

"You know what I mean,"I answer gently.

As we reach the school, dread eats at me even further. It's the second year of High School. And, I know it's going to be a rough one. We walk in, and I notice someone immediately. She's still taller than me, lanky, even. But, she's still beautiful. She's dyed her hair blonde, and the sight of her gives me anxiety. She's talking to a group of people, laughing and seeming to have moved on with her life.

"Ignore her. She isn't a good person and she never deserved you."

I shake my head, and look away. I see Ben walking closer to us, looking cocky as ever.

"Hey baby."

He grins at me before kissing Chris. She smiles and kisses him back.

"Well," I laugh it off,"You lovebirds have fun. I'm gonna head this way."

They don't say anything, but laugh as I walk away. I sigh, relaxing a bit. I can stop smiling, at least. I don't have to pretend around random people, I don't care what they think.

"Hey, isn't that-"

I hear a girl whisper, but she isn't very quiet. I look over briefly to see my ex's group of friends looking at me, including my ex. I feel my breathing hitch as anxiety consumes me. I quickly look away and almost run to escape her gaze. Her brown eyes haunt me. I don't want to see her again. I feel my phone vibrate as I escape, trying to forget her gaze. Once I finally reach homeroom, I check my phone.

The message reads,"Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior- haha, kidding. Do you have a moment, though? I have a serious question."

I stare at the text. I don't recognize the number, it doesn't even look like an actual number.

"It must be someone trying to mess with me, probably Ben. What a dick,"I think to myself.

I shove my phone back into my pocket, deciding to ignore the text entirely. It just isn't worth the trouble. As I wait for the bell to ring, I feel my phone go off again. I sigh, checking it once again.

This one reads,"Hey, don't just ignore the question. Come on, aren't you even a little curious?"

I look around the room, even try to see who may be in the hallway. There's barely anyone in the room with me. The teacher isn't even here yet. I look back at my phone and study the number. Is this a scam text? Maybe a known number for messing with people? I ignore my curiosity and block the number, setting my phone down and picking my headphones out of my pocket. I fish one end under my hoodie and shove one of them in my ear, hiding the other before plugging the auxiliary end into my phone. It's about the only thing that helps me relax at school and I'm not sure who will be in my homeroom or classes this year, but I hope she isn't in any. Not Chris, but Ivy. Even her name gives me chills, and not the good kind. But, as I look up, I notice her walk into the room. She looks at me as she walks by, her eyes cold and void of life. I don't look back, but I can feel the stare. I look with the corner of my eye and notice her sitting at the back of the room away from everyone. But, too close to me. As my anxiety crawls up my body, I feel my phone vibrate again.

This time, it reads,"Hey! Hey! Hey! HOW DARE YOU block me? Look, kid, I'm offering a once in a lifetime deal here and you're going to ignore it? Naw, I won't let ya. I'll get to the point. I'm not Ben, I'm not your shitty ex. I'm...someone important, that's all you need to know. I've studied your life and I know it's been rough, but what if I offered you a way out? A way to start over, to make your life truly happy. New friends, new family. Possible new enemies, but with your attitude, you'll turn them into allies or they'll fear you. What do you say? Before you even think about it, you can block this number all you want. My messages will still go through as if it was never blocked. The choice is yours, let me know.

Your truly,

Someone high up in this shit world

P.S. Isn't it cool how I worded that like a letter at the end? The way you humans communicate is so interesting. Lol

P.S.S. That does mean laugh out loud, right? I like haha better, it sounds less lame. Or even hahahahaha. Yeah, that's good. I like it."

I stare at my phone, unsure of what to even say. This person is funny, I'll give them that. I check my blocked numbers list, and it's still blocked. So, how are the texts still coming through so fast? And, what do they mean? There's no way this is real. I shake my head, ignoring the messages. It's just someone messing with me, it has to be. As I look up from my phone, I freeze.

"Hey," I hear an all too familiar voice.

I don't have to look to know who it is, I can feel myself shaking violently. I can only stare into those brown eyes as she looks at me. Does she expect a response? Am I supposed to be happy? I feel rage grow within me, but it's not my rage.

"Who the fuck does she think she is?!" He yells.

I don't say anything, I can't even breathe. She just stares at me with that lack of an expression.

"Um," I sink into my seat,"Hey."

I look around the room, noticing other people filing in. This makes me feel a bit less uncomfortable and my throat doesn't feel as tight. As long as we're not alone, I guess I'll be alright.

"How are you?"

Her eyes look so hollow, but almost sad. As if my behavior makes her regret her actions.

"I'm alright, how are you?"

"Eh, bored."

I almost want to laugh. A dry, bitter laugh. But, I don't, not completely.

I nod casually,"Well, this is school."

I offer a nervous smile, and she just stares at me.

"Tell her to fuck off and go away before I do," He growls.

He isn't growling at me, he's frustrated about my pushover nature. I don't have the heart to tell her off. As she opens her mouth to speak, the bell rings and the teacher walks in. She gives me a look and turns her head towards the teacher's direction. She doesn't turn her body in that direction, though. I stare at the back of her head. Her hair isn't perfect, her face isn't, either...she isn't perfect at all. And, as much as I know that she's manipulative...I miss her. She's still beautiful somehow, and my heart aches.

"Alright class, let's start, shall we?"

I feel my phone vibrate as the teacher speaks. I look down briefly, reading the message.

It reads,"I miss you. Can we start over?"

I look up from my phone, my heart still aching. I feel like I can barely breathe. Ivy's looking at me sadly, and I stare back with uncertainty.

"Hey, you two in the back. Pay attention, please."

I nod, showing the teacher that I'm paying attention as I place my phone back in my pocket. At this point, I ignore Ivy's looks and hope she doesn't text me again. The homeroom teacher covers things shortly. Papers to take home, that mother will just ignore and never sign, don't be late for class or homeroom. The usual teacher speech, but he seems like the type to cover things quickly and just be done with it. I do notice him eyeing Ivy and I occasionally, checking if we're paying attention.

"Alright, that's it. You may return your attention to your previous activities. Just don't be loud."

I look around at the other kids in the room. I recognize some of the kids from middle school, but they're not people I care for. Most of them aren't people I care for, they're "popular". So, prissy and stuffy on the outside. I'm sure some are decent within, but I don't trust any of them.

"...Can we?"

Her voice is soft, almost too soft to hear. But, I can hear her perfectly. I feel rage bubble again, and try to calm him down. I don't feel angry, I feel sad. Because, the damage she has done can't be erased. But, I don't have the heart to tell her that. So, I nod and avoid eye contact. I notice her smile softly, but the memories have me doubting her. Before I know it, the bell rings and it's time for classes. I don't hesitate to grab my stuff and walk out of the room, purposely avoiding Ivy.

"Hey, watch where you're going!"

I look behind me to see a girl glaring at me. She's tan, overly tan. Her hair is wavy, dark blonde with highlights. She's short, shorter than myself. She's really pretty, but I recognize her from the year before. She's also fake.

"Sorry," I smile politely,"I'm just in a rush. You first."

Her glare drops and she smiles, walking in front of me. I head the opposite way, looking where my next class is. Room...210. I find the room and walk in. English, of course. I watch as people walk in, most I recognize from last year or middle school. Some, from elementary school. I notice a new girl walk in, and she immediately catches my attention. Blonde, of course. Don't judge me. She looks back at me and I notice her eyes are so blue. She's stunning, but her eyes have an almost dangerous look. She sits in the front with a group of people while I sit at the back with a headphone in. I feel my phone vibrate and feel the dread grip me once again. I look down at my phone and sigh in relief. It's just Chris. It reads,"Hey, when do you have lunch? Ben and I both have lunch together, so we can all eat together, if you have the same. ^,..,^"

I sigh, replying to her before placing my phone back in my pocket. The teacher walks in and class goes normally. More papers my mother won't sign, assign seats. Blah blah blah. I notice that the cute girl is seated beside me, though. She's also French, as the teacher explains. She's an exchange student.

"She's definitely cute,"He comments.

"Yeah, but being an exchange student means she can't date."

"Why? That's so dumb."

"Just a rule they make, since she'll be going back to France."

"That's disappointing, I'm sorry."

"It happens, sadly. It's not like I need to date, as it is."

He doesn't say anything more as class drones on. The teacher has us fill out papers to get to know each other, team up with people. Get to know someone else. I feel a tap on my shoulder and blush immediately. It's the cute girl.

"Um, did you want to trade papers?"

I notice she's blushing as well and clear my throat,"Yeah, of course."

I'm not even sure how long this lasts, but I feel like I'm on cloud nine. Happier than I probably should be, until the bell rings.

"See you tomorrow?" She asks shyly.

"I'll be here," I blush.

The rest of the day goes by well, mainly because I am still on cloud nine. No one has bothered me all day and all I can think about is her innocent face. She's just too cute. Before I know it, it's the last period of the day. I walk in the room, almost late and take a seat. The teacher gives me a look, but doesn't say anything. She doesn't know what classroom I'm coming from, but it's not a close distance. So, arriving on time or early isn't going to be easy.

"I do have some assigned seats set up until I get to know you all, so just stand at the front of the classroom and sit where you're called to."

We all stand and sit as we're called. I look around and notice the girl from the hallway. She smiles at me briefly and I smile politely.

"Oh good, more people to try to avoid," He comments, I can only imagine him rolling his eyes.

"I think she'll leave me alone."

"I'm not so sure. You gave her a small ego trip, she might think that she can take advantage of you."

I can feel my face heat up at my thoughts, and I'm sure he would have smacked me across the head for it crossing my mind.

"Not like that, you perv!" He laughs.

I laugh to myself, but hide it. This teacher does the same as the others, has us do an exercise to get to know someone new. But, I'm surprised by the girl from the hallway approaching me.

"Hey, we had class together last year, right?"

"Yeah, history,"I laugh.

"I told you," He says.

"Yeah, I see your point."

The conversation resumes normally, but she seems okay. Her kind exterior isn't real, though. I can tell that much. So, when the bell rings, I don't hesitate to go out the door. As I walk out the door, I notice Ivy standing outside a nearby classroom. She's talking to someone, laughing happily. While I still feel the sting of pain from last year.

"I wish I didn't miss her. I wish I didn't feel this way for someone like her," I tell him.

"I do, too. She's disgusting. She isn't sorry, she just wants to play games and use you for your body again."

"....I wish you weren't right, but you are…"

I feel my heart ache and I turn the opposite way, avoiding her. I take my phone out of my pocket and even block her number. Yes, I still have homeroom with her. I still have to see her in the hallways, but at least, I don't have to hear from her outside of school.

"Hey," I hear a low voice.

I almost want to tell her to back off, that I need space. And, I do. I do need space.

"Um,"I start,"Listen. I don't know how you feel, but I'm...still healing from everything and it's just not easy. I know we have homeroom together, and we have to see each other here...but I need time. I need to let go."

She doesn't have a look that says,'I'm sorry, I'll give you space.' She looks happy. Why? I stare at her, confused, but she doesn't say anything for a few moments.

"Why don't we just...continue where we left off?"

She walks closer to me, tracing her hand over my shoulder,"This time, I'll make sure that you enjoy yourself, as well."

I stare at her in shock this time as she slowly pushes me against the wall. The situation hits me in the face like a freight train. The hallway is empty, even the teachers seem to have left. And, we're in the lowest level of the school.

"We need to go, now," He warns.

I fight against my own feelings and try to push her away. I don't want this. I don't want her. I shouldn't miss her. She's manipulative, like right now. After all she put me through, she thinks this is okay? I push her away this time and run off.

"Where are you going?" She yells,"You're mine!"

Chills run down my spine, but I will myself to run. So many stairs, so little people. I don't hear her chasing after me, but I don't need to. I have to catch my bus and I don't want to see her again. I feel tears prick my eyes as I finally reach my bus. I feel my phone vibrate again and I look at it. It's the same number from this morning.

"I'm sorry, kid. Fate is a cruel mistress and you have been done real dirty. But, I can help you get away. Put someone in your spot who deserves it. What do you say, switch lives with someone else? Someone with a more luxurious one?"

I feel so vulnerable. I feel so empty...that I respond.

I answer,"Is this a trick? I swear, I'll report this number if it is."

"You responded, hello! This isn't a trick. And, even if you reported my number, it's not a real one," The person types back,"Not in your world."

"My world? Who are you?"

"As I said, someone higher in this world. Do you want to take my offer or not?"

I feel the weight of my words as I type,"I accept your offer. I don't want to be here anymore."