chapter 3

"Alas! They had been friends in youth;

But whispering tongues can poison truth;

And constancy lives in realms above;

And life is thorny; and youth is vain;

And to be wroth with the one we love,

Doth work like madness in the brain."

-Samuel Taylor Coleridge

"Christabel"

It was a warm summer afternoon and light poured in through the large glass wall in Jacob's room. Jacob groaned and rolled over to avoid the sharp rays of sunlight only to realize that Carter was missing.

Alarmed, he sat up straight and looked around. The curtains were pulled open, he remembered closing them, and there was a delicious smell of bacon and eggs lingering in the air.

It had to be Carter in the kitchen. "When did he learn to cook?" he muttered to himself. He sprang out of bed and noticed Carter's jeans and T-shirt near the foot of the bed. He smiled to himself and slipped into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

After a few moments he came back out and strode towards the kitchen where he saw Carter standing near the stove, his back towards the door and hence towards Jacob.

He quietly walked up to his crush and locked his arms around his waist. He kissed the love-bite on Carter's neck and whispered, "Good morning, Beauty." He felt Carter stiffen under him and smirked as he tightened his hold on him. Then, just as Jacob was about to kiss his nape, Carter pushed him hard.

Startled, Jacob moved back, releasing Carter who shoved him aside and, picking out a plate, started arranging the food on it. He carefully placed the plate on the mahogany table and turned his icy glare on Jacob, "I cooked this for you. Eat it while I wear my clothes." Avoiding Jacob, he walked to the room and left Jacob with a bewildered expression on his face.

Jacob was about to finish the last bite of his bacon when Carter stepped out the room, his hair rumpled, as if he just tried pulling them out, and eyes bloodshot as if he'd just cried a river.

Maybe he had.

Jacob set his fork down and started towards him but the expression on Carter's face stopped him; he seemed to be radiating angry sparks. Jacob frowned and strode towards him again, stopping an inch away. He raised his arms to hug Carter who slapped them away, his eyes cold and sad but also angry.

Jacob flinched and then trying to be light, said, "I hope you are waiting to shower with me."

Evidently, he'd made a mistake. He expected Carter to blush but instead he, to Jacob's surprise, let out and angry snort and then proceeded to shout at him, "You do understand that we are not friends anymore, right? I am sorry for what happened last night. I really am; I stepped out of line. I wasn't behaving like myself. But please just forget me like you did two years ago."

Jacob flinched again and said, "I did that for a reason. I was under a lot of pressure from my d—", but Carter cut him off and replied, "Yeah, right, pressure. That's what friends are for, you bastard. They're there to help you with things you can't handle alone. We could've helped you out. Me and Venessa. We waited for months, hoping you would come back, hoping for any sign of communication from you, but…ugh, fuck off! Why am I even telling you this?! Look, thank you for saving me yesterday, I owe you one, but please don't try to be my friend again---"

This time, Jacob cut him off and whispered, "Stop please. It hurts." Carter's eyes flared. "Aww did I hurt the poor baby? Go to your Sera, baby, I'm sure she'll fix you right up," he said and stormed out of the door.

Jacob watched Carter leave and felt the need to run after him, hug him close and kiss him, to smother him with his affections that he'd buried for quite a while, but he stood frozen, too overcome with shock to move.

He half expected himself to cry like he had for the last two years—but no tears came. Instead, he felt steely determination take hold of him as he calmly went to the table and ate the rest of his breakfast. He finally had Carter near him and he wasn't going to let go.

''Not again. Never again,'' he mumbled to himself as Dewis appeared, almost magically, and sat on his lap as if trying to comfort him.

He absently pet her as he looked around him for anything he could use as an excuse to meet Carter and spotted his backpack which, to Jacob's utmost delight, he had forgotten to take back. He smiled as a simple began to take shape in his mind: he would go to Carter's apartment, with his bad as the perfect excuse, and ask if they could spend the day together. And if he were to refuse, there was always the fact that Carter "owed" Jacob.

Smiling, he went to his room and picked out a pair of black jeans and a blood red T-shirt that read, 'Be that type of person that when your feet touch the floor in the morning, the devil says, "shit, they're up!"' and featured a white-haired Kaneki Ken cracking a black-nailed finger; his crimson eye glittering with malice like his kagune and his lips curved upwards in an evil, charming smile.

Jacob smiled to himself again and went into the bathroom. He stripped and switched on the cold water. As he showered, he could almost hearing Carter squealing like he used to under cold water. Carter loves cold things.

Or loved, he reminded himself. Carter's right. You don't know him anymore. You wouldn't know if he still loves them.

He scrubbed himself with soap, dried off and quickly and quickly stepped out of the bathroom. As he changed his clothes, he spotted a paper and a pen on his study table. He decided to write a letter to Carter and place it in one of his notebooks. He took the paper and the blue pen and began to scribble:

Dear Carter,

I am sorry for leaving you two years ago even though I loved you. Love you, in fact. I did that for reasons I cannot tell you yet for the fear that you will hate me more than you already do. I am a coward, yes. But trust me when I say this: during those times I spent with her, all I could think about was you. Whenever I drank coffee with her, all I could think about was how we used to share our favorite coffees with each other. Whenever she kissed me, all I could think about was how soft your lips felt on my skin and how you tasted.

I have missed you these part years. My sleep has been riddled with our memories together and I wake up gasping and panting for breath. Empty, as though a you-shaped part had been wrenched out of me like you had been wrenched out of my life. Please forgive me. I have always loved you. And I always will.

Yours forever,

Jacob.

Sniffling, he wiped his eyes and pulled out a random textbook from Carter's black bag. He carefully folded and placed the letter inside the book. After replacing the book back and closing the bag, he swung it over his shoulder and walked out of the door, moving across the corridor to Carter's apartment.

He stood at his crush's door for a moment, gathering the courage to knock when he heard the sound of someone giggling; he recognized it as Carter's. "Ven don't do that! I'm ticklish there!" his voice rang out followed by a dull thud and more giggling. Suddenly, it stopped and he heard Carter say, "Max says he's here, Ven. We should open the door for him." And before Jacob could go back to his apartment, the door flipped open and Carter stepped out.

At the same time there was a squeal behind Jacob, who was forcefully yanked back backwards, as a blonde head raced forward and collided roughly with Carter. When Jacob's vision came back into focus, he saw a beautiful, blonde, sky-blue eyed guy around his age hugging Carter tightly.

"I love you, Carter," the boy said, clinging to Carter. "And I love you, Max," Carter replied to him, his eyes tender and loving.

Jacob stood there, frozen and speechless, his eyes drowning in hurt. The bag fell from his hands as he turned around and ran away from Carter's apartment, hoping his crush hadn't seen the hot spill of tears that now stained his face.

He had no idea where he was going. All he knew was that Carter's words had been bullets that had crushed his flimsy glass heart.

He supposed he did deserve it… Karma really was a bitch.