chapter 13

''I suddenly realised that we were on borrowed time, that time is always borrowed, and that the lending agency exacts its premium precisely when we are least prepared to pay and need to borrow more...''

–André Aciman, 'Call me by your name'

Jacob looked at Carter staring at his shoes and smiled. It had been ten minutes since he had asked him out and he was still blushing brightly. It made Jacob's heart thump in delight; he loved it when Carter became all shy and red because of him.

He only wished he knew better date ideas than an antique ice cream shop. The only dates he'd ever been on had been with Seraphina where he had never been interested enough to take charge. Not that it had bothered her; she simply always liked to be the one in control of every situation.

He had never really expected Carter to say yes and, in hurry, he'd just blurted out the first thing he associated with Carter. He didn't even know how he had mustered up the courage to ask him out in the first place. Nevertheless, as he stared at his crush, he realised he didn't really mind being soo unprepared; Carter seemed pretty happy and that's all that mattered.

Carter pinched Jacob's t-shirt between his forefinger and thumb to get his attention, ''Why are you staring at me like that...?'' He searched his eyes but looked away, embarrassed, when Jacob smiled at him.

''Just. I can't believe we're on a date and also I'm proud of how you handled yourself with Erin. It must've been a pretty hard thing to do, '' Jacob ruffled his hair softly, still smiling uncontrollably.

"It was hard, yes, but I don't think I handled myself well. If you hadn't showed up, I..." Carter shuddered and closed his eyes, burying his head in the crook of Jacob's neck. Exhaling heavily, he whispered a quick 'thank you' before planting a delicate kiss on Jacob's neck.

Jacob wrapped his arms tightly around Carter and rocked them back and forth, whispering softly, "Shush, little one. You did well." Carter blushed and nodded his head, accepting the praise with a small but grateful smile.

"Jacob kindly come and collect your order," the female working at the counter called out, startling Carter who broke out of Jacob's grasp and clutched at his racing heart, "Why are they soo fucking loud?!" Jacob grinned and shook his head, gently tracing circles on Carter's back.

"I'm fine now. Let's go collect the cones okay?" Carter tilted his head sideways and gave an excited grin. Jacob smiled at how cute he looked; like a child who had received more Christmas presents than expected.

Nodding, Jacob grabbed his hand and navigated through the thin crowd. He couldn't believe how much he liked this boy; it was almost too much to bear. Everything about Carter was cute to Jacob, from the way his eyes lit up when he's excited down to the way his eyes become puppy eyes and he juts his lower lip out when he's close to crying.

He remembered reading somewhere that most couples split up because the things that once attracted them to each other become annoying or monotonous; the acts that once seemed soo endearing were now just another cause of headaches.

He never wanted to lose his feelings, he never even wanted to get used to them. He never wanted to see Carter as anything but his everything. He wanted to feel his heart accelerate, feel the heat pool in his stomach every time he saw Carter. He wanted to lose himself in Carter's voice every time he spoke, he wanted to keep holding on to his hand and follow him everywhere.

Jacob grabbed the butterscotch ice cream cone and passed it to Carter. He turned around and noticed one of the ladies, the one holding his black currant cone, adjust her clothing and stare suggestively at him. Jacob, alarmed, looked at Carter; the last thing he needed was for Carter to think he wasn't serious about him. His date, however, was simply licking his ice cream and staring at a cat that sat on the footpath outside.

Jacob looked down at his hand still holding Carter's and smiled. Looking back at the woman, he raised their locked hands and kissed Carter's knuckles who jumped at the sudden gesture and blushed. The woman smiled brightly and, handing Jacob his ice cream, gave a small squeal. Jacob leaned in close to Carter and whispered in his ear, "Want to taste some of mine?"

"Wha- Taste your what?" Carter stuttered, blushing from the warm breath that tickled his ear. "Ice cream, stupid," Jacob flicked his forehead and smirked.

"Really? I can?" Carter's eyes widened in disbelief and, for a moment, he resembled a very excited puppy.

"Yes of course you can," Jacob smiled and shook his head, offering Carter his cone, who leaned forward and licked it softly. Jacob gulped as he watched him lick the ice cream and shook his head, hoping to shake off his dirty thoughts.

He almost couldn't believe that he was out on a date with Carter and he wasn't going to do anything that could potentially harm what they had or what they could have. This was their first date. Even though they used to be very touchy, neither had asked the other out before and they had ended up in a no-tag relationship; it had simply never occurred to them that they were any less than lovers.

"Hey did you hear what I just said?" Carter stared at him, confused.

"Aaah no. I was too busy admiring you, sorry," Jacob flashed a toothy smile as Carter stuttered and blushed, "Shut up!! You know I get embarrassed easily!"

"That's why I tease you dumbass. I like making you blush."

"I'm just going to ignore that before I get more flustered," Carter mumbled, the blush still as bright as daylight.

"You can do whatever you like. It's not like that will make me stop anyways." Jacob gently head-butted Carter and smiled.

"I know. You make me love myself. Thank you for that..." Carter looked down at his shoes, the tips of his ears red and his eyes bright.

Jacob looked at him, his eyes soft. He wondered if he would ever be able to show Carter how happy that made him. "Yeah? I'm glad. Want to go walk at the park?"

"How did you know I wanted to go there?" Carter looked up, surprised.

"Just I thought you might enjoy it there. You like nature and the the park is full of plants," Jacob said, wiping the sweat from his forehead. Why was he even sweating and feeling soo suffocated in an air conditioned room?

"Jacob are you okay? Your breathing is too shallow..." Carter asked him.

He could hear Carter speak but he wasn't sure what the words were. Everything was spinning and vaguely he heard himself speak, "I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I'll be okay in a while?"

But as soon as he said this, he felt his vision go black and he fell to the ground in a shivering mess. He heard Carter call out his name in a scared voice and instantly hated himself for making him feel that way. He wished he could console him but he couldn't even raise a finger.

The last thing he heard was someone shouting to call 911. Maybe it was Carter. Maybe it was someone else; he couldn't even tell anymore. He simply closed his eyes and gave in to the darkness.

***

Venessa picked up her ringing phone and frowned, wondering if something was wrong; Carter hardly ever called first, usually only in emergencies or for homework doubts.

"Who is it?" Alec called out from the kitchen. He had come over in early afternoon and was now searching through her kitchen cabinets for something to eat. She was surprised by how close they had become in the past few months. But the thing that had shocked her the most was her developing feelings for him.

At first he had seemed like the typical outgoing, unintentional asshole playboy but the more she talked to him, the more she liked him. The night Carter had ditched her in the bar, she had walked in on a couple kissing which had turned out to be Alec and some random girl he'd met there.

The amount of jealousy she had felt had made her realise the extent of her feelings for him. But it had also made her realise that he would never see her as anything more than a friend so she pretended to be as normal as she could.

Ignoring him, she picked up the call and pressed it to her ear. "Hey Ven. Are you free right now?"

"Yeah I am. Are you okay? Why do you sound soo shaken up?" Carter only talked like that when something really scared him and coupled with his inability to ask for help, something terrible must've happened.

"Can you come to Sapiens Hospital right now? It's Jacob. There's something wrong with him." She heard Carter sniffle.

"Yeah. I'll be there in ten minutes okay?" She tried to sound as reassuring as she could, speaking as though she was talking to a scared baby animal.

As soon as the line went dead, she called out, "Alec do you think you can drive me to Sapiens Hospital? I'll treat you to food later..."