3

Food is all I needed right now. The smell of freshly heated gnocchi with creamy Pomodoro sauce was heaven. I didn't have time to cook anything fresh, so I just heated yesterday nights leftovers. It was my off-day yesterday, so I just made gnocchi from scratch to quench my boredom. Weird pass time. Well, it keeps my mind off of things. Better than nothing. I spent all my meals alone in solitude at a table for four. I grabbed the remote and turned on the tv so that I could hear someone else's voice to make it seem as if I had company. It looked so pitiful, but this was my normal.

With this thought in mind, tears fell on my face once more. Here I was, a girl at an empty table eating her dinner with the television quietly playing in the background as she wept her loneliness away.

"Why am I always like this?"

I sobbed with a bittersweet smile as if to console myself from this pool of hurt.

Perfectly on cue, the actor on screen had spoken comforting words and the cameraman making it as if the actor spoke to the audience.

"What you are feeling is, hopefully, just temporary. Whether this place is a prison or a fence to you, I'll be right here beside you."

Those were the words I've longed to hear. The aching pieces of my heart swelled, as I put a spoonful of food in my mouth. My eyes looked to the wood of the table while I chewed slowly. I felt as if there was a nimbostratus cloud hovering above me, showering its gloomy tears. Just as I thought this, the crack of lightning shone through the window and the sound of thunder echoed. Could this day be any more depressing?

After my rainstorm of tears, I cleaned the dishes and started to continue studying for my university course. Though it's not the course 15-year-old me would have wished to take, I chose to pursue a law degree. The injustice and cruelty of this world are always ignored. The pain in that girl's eyes when her father was deemed guilty for a crime, he never committed nor knew of was unbearable to recall.

"Ugh! Why is it so hard?! I'll be covered with grey hair by tomorrow morning…"

Another empty complaint slipped from my mouth. Every time I would complain, I didn't mean it – I just wanted to seem like I was normal. No matter how difficult or how confusing the topic was, I was able to overcome it all and succeed with flying colours. However, this didn't mean I didn't struggle even a little bit, but no one seems to believe me when I say that, even back then as a child.

I look over at the clock hanging on the wall, ticking away as the thunder and lightning blared. I hadn't realised how late it had already become. Tomorrow morning, I need to be up and early for my interview with Mr Stevens, a criminal lawyer. It would be my only chance to interview him. I couldn't miss it and wouldn't miss it for the world.

I've looked up to Mr Stevens quite a lot when I first started to research about becoming a lawyer. The court cases he's done were remarkable. He is also part of the International Criminal Court. I vowed to myself that I would become a lawyer that would make sure that justice is served and that I would reduce even a little of the prejudice of the world. It seems a little cliché to say the least, but that's what I vowed to do and I will fulfil it. Even if it hurts me in the end, as long as I know that I helped people in need, my existence, pain and effort would be all worth it.

I left my books and papers scattered on the coffee table and switched off the tv, before stretching and yawning. My eyes were starting to grow heavier. Lazily, with my legs cramping a little from sitting down, I limped towards the bathroom to clean my teeth.

After doing so, I looked at the reflection staring back at me. I looked at my reflection's eyes. They seemed hollow and empty. Emotionless. I reached out to touch the face of my reflection in the mirror and pretended as if I was stroking its head.

"Everything will be fine… I promise."

The voice. It's back. This is the second time I've heard this voice. I wonder why I don't think it's creepy. I guess I've gotten so down in the dumps that I've started to hallucinate. I need to get some help from a psychiatrist. I think I've finally have gone insane.

I decided to shake off the thought that crossed my mind and go to bed after I had made sure to switch off all the lights in all of the other rooms. Once I had gotten under the warmth of my quilt, with it covering up to my neck. I looked as if I was in a cocoon.

Lord, can you hear me? I pray to you every night in hopes you'll answer me. I hope that someday you will hear what I say and help me find my way.

Silently, I prayed in my head. Even after all this time, never did I stop praying every night, despite there being a chance that no one would hear me.

The warmth of my quilt enveloped me like a comforting embrace. My pillow supported my head like a heart-warming pat. These are the feelings I missed. I closed my eyes and started drifting away into the clouds of my imagination. The spotlight on my face as I stood on a large stage. I felt so small yet so happy. The flickering lights of the glowsticks waved by the audience resembled twinkling stars in the night sky. The microphone in my grip as I held it close to my chest, while a wide smile was plastered on my face. This was the dream I wanted to fulfil. This was the me that my grandfather wanted to see, but I lost it on my journey.