A lost cause

The Head Secretary was not aware of the methods the couple used to turn the table against the Elder, but since it was successful, he didn't say anything more.

When a person is about to die, most said they would have this foreboding feeling that would urge them to do the last things they ought to do, for the ones they would leave behind.

The couple probably felt their upcoming death and assigned the Head Secretary to handle the rights of their oldest.

Because of it, Sherdan was able to have this position without any hindrance from Stevan's party nor the supposed CEO, Anneye.

"Alright, thank you, Uncle Zeno," Sherdan said warmly, and the Head Secretary, Zeno Lincoln, was pulled out of his thoughts.

He went behind Sherdan and combed his hair. This lasted for several minutes before he went back to his job.

Sherdan sat on the sofa as he watched his younger self fiddle with his pen. The dizziness and the pain finally vanished after he calmed himself.

The Goddess told him that he had to finish a memory before he could erase it. A golden light would appear when a memory was almost finished, and its span depended on the fragments imported inside Lucian's head.

'Moirai surely made things harder for me.'

Sherdan couldn't help but feel sick at the mere thought of seeing this memory again.

Just as how he remembered it, Sherdan's phone rang, and the two men inside the room shifted their eyes towards the disturbance.

Sherdan closed his eyes. He didn't need to see this to know what would happen next. Every single thing in this memory, he could still remember vividly as if it had just happened yesterday.

The younger Sherdan stared at his phone after it rang.

"Sorry." He glanced towards the Head Secretary afterward. It was working hours, and it was his fault for forgetting to turn off his phone.

The Head Secretary didn't say much and just told him to answer the call outside.

When he went out, he answered Friedde's incoming call.

"Hello?" The other line didn't give a response, and it was quiet for a few minutes.

He called Friedde earlier, but the other didn't receive it.

Sherdan pacified himself by telling himself that he must have been busy with his apprenticeship with a tattoo artist called Boss Arie.

He knew the truth better, but he still foolishly forgave him.

Even if he did not show up at Sherdan's parents' funeral. Even if he cut him out. Even if he had turned cold. Sherdan couldn't find it in himself to hate him.

"Aah... yes~"

The silence on the other end of the phone was cut off by a girl's pleased whimpers.

Sherdan turned quiet and raised the volume of his phone.

"Aaah, Friedde! Yes!"

The sound of bodies clashing against each other, and a man's groans, made Sherdan's face turn pale.

"Clara!" Friedde's voice was the last he heard before the phone dropped on the ground.

He stormed inside his office in a hurry and grabbed his wallet. The Head Secretary, Lincoln, was so surprised with his abrupt entrance that he flinched in his seat.

"Where are you goi---"

"I-I have to leave." Sherdan left without even hearing the other's response.

The trip towards Friedde's apartment took quicker than usual, and the moment the taxi stopped in front of the complex, Sherdan looked around for his wallet.

"W-where is it?"

The driver glanced at him through the rearview mirror, and the older man saw how he fiddled around his clothes like a lost child.

"Are you scamming me? You're dressed in luxury but can't pay a taxi fare?" The driver almost shouted at the man, but after seeing how disoriented he was, he held himself back with a sigh.

"Ah, forget it! Don't let me see you again or else--" The driver forced him out of the taxi after so much struggle.

Sherdan didn't even understand what he was saying. His fingers brushed past the lump in his pocket, and after realizing that it was his wallet, he pulled it out and handed it to the driver.

Sherdan walked away, he ignored the driver's calls and the rush of the cold wind.

Could it have been better if he had ignored the call? Remained unaware?

He didn't know what would have happened then, but he wished he chose to remain oblivious.

He could have ended the call, gone back to his work, let it in one ear and out the other.

What could have happened if he did just that?

Sherdan ran through the corridor, never minding the noise he made during such a late night. There was the sound of his uneven breaths, but he bore with it.

There was nothing in his mind, and nothing in his heart as well, as if the world would crumble down to pieces.

He just....felt tired.

The pin was smashed several times from his failed attempts to open the door, as he found it hard to control his flailing hands. After succeeding, what followed was a loud bang as it hit against the wall. Sherdan entered, leaving behind one of his shoes.

The apartment was dim, except from Friedde's room that remained litted up. Clothes were scattered everywhere, and the space reeked of alcohol.

"Ha!" Sherdan couldn't help but let out a short laugh as he stared at the mess. He walked towards the room, avoiding the clothes as though it was the dirtiest thing he had ever seen.

As he inched closer, the moans became louder and harder to take in.

He was a step closer to seeing Friedde in the act, a step closer to finding out the obvious truth. But his feet remained glued to the floor, and his hands stopped halfway from opening the closed room.

Behind it was something he had never thought would ever happen.

'Ah, I really don't want to see it.'

In contrast to the shouts of opposition in his mind, his hands reached out to open the door.

The two people inside didn't even notice his arrival as they continued at a fast pace, as if slowing down meant the end of the world.

Clara moaned as her body rocked back and forth from Friedde's continuous thrust. Her eyes rolled back as pleasure assaulted her.

Just as she was about to climax, she saw the figure of a man standing just beside the door.

"Ah! Fucking--!"

The two were interuppted and ended up breaking apart in a rather awkward position. Friedde, who was still drunk, couldn't even make out of what was happening around him.

"W-who the hell are you?" Clara grabbed the bed sheet to cover her naked body. She remembered calling the contact with a suspicious name on Friedde's phone, thinking it was his girlfriend.

'Why is there a man..'

Realization dawned on her, and she ended up laughing.

"Wait---you are his girl, ah no boyfriend?" Clara couldn't think of any reason why a man would go to Friedde's place in the middle of the night.

It couldn't be something like staying over since he was kicked out of the house, could it?

'Just look at that awfully expensive suit. He can even buy a hotel with that.'

"Wow, I never thought he's fucking gay. You know, he rocks so hard, it's as if he had fucked a girl before."

Her ridicules stopped the moment she realized that Sherdan had a face and a build more attractive than Friedde's. She cleared her throat and acted coquettish.

"Well, how about trying me? You probably have never tried a girl, right? I'm also tight." She couldn't help but stiffle a laugh at her last words.

"I can even do ana--"

"Are you a hooker?" Sherdan asked the girl, who was shamelessly displaying her boobs around. She had pulled the sheet down to attract Sherdan, but he felt more disgusted.

The offensive question caused Clara to look at him as if he had gone nuts.

"Are you a fucking jerk? I'm no hoo--"

"Then act like it and shut up."

Andra had always reminded Sherdan to never hit a girl, so even in spite of his anger, he held himself back.

Clara gave out a sigh. She wasn't so desperate as to force a guy to have sex with her. But she felt a little regretful to not be able to taste such unripen fruit.

'How regretful.'

"Whatever. I'm not the one who is gonna miss out."

Clara threw the bed sheet on Friedde, who was still drunk, and searched for her clothes.

After making herself look proper enough to go outside, she looked at Sherdan's way and gave an advice before she left.

"That guy's a lost cause."

Sherdan was well aware.

Friedde shook his head to get himself together. He was a little sober after climaxing, but had yet to realize the presence of the man inside the room.

He flailed around as he searched for his clothes. His dishevelled hair and bloodshot eyes, paired with the numerous tattoos and piercings on his body, made Sherdan feel how strangely unfamiliar he had become.

"What are you doing while I was mourning? Fucking around?"

Friedde flinched and only realized that he wasn't alone in the room. He tried his hardest to regain his normal vision, but Sherdan's figure remained double in his eyes.

He smacked his head to get his act together and succeeded after several tries.

"Oh, you're here, hic." Friedde went to where Sherdan was and attempted to place his arms on the other's neck, but Sherdan avoided his face.

Friedde sobered up after he was rejected and a sound escaped his mouth. He found it so ridiculous that he burst into laughter.

Sherdan stared at him, not saying anything.

He did not know this man. He did not know this Friedde. He didn't fall in love with this man. But strangely enough, this man still made him feel so pathetic.

"I asked you, what were you doing?" The answer was obvious, but Sherdan asked anyway.

He wasn't hoping for an answer that would make this ridiculous charade end, but he wanted to ask him nonetheless.

Maybe he loved him too much, or maybe he didn't love him anymore. Sherdan didn't even know at this point.

Friedde ignored him and went outside the room. Sherdan followed behind and grabbed his arms. 

"I'm asking you!" The fatigue and this situation made him want to vomit. It made him sick. 

Sherdan wanted to leave, but couldn't. Even he doesn't know why.

It was easier than trying to find his faults that led to this ending but, he couldn't go.

After all,

"You are all that I have now."