Chapter 1-Regrets

Throughout my life, I haven't done anything or have any goal other than wanting to be loved by my husband. Lowell Edmond, the duke of the Melania empire. He was the emperor's most loyal servant and is also a popular bachelor among the nobles due to his cold mysterious charms. Many girls had fallen for him, including me. But I was the luckiest one of all the women. But in my case, it didn't felt like that. Not that I've realised it back then. I had spent my whole life chasing after a man who had never even once love me, and now that I am on my deathbed, it felt like I've wasted my whole life. I did everything that I could, but it wasn't even enough to grasp a little bit of his attention. So I thought that maybe if I carry his child, he might give me some of his attention. After one year ever since we got married, I gave birth to our son and named him Leo Edmond. But then, the feeling of despair washed over me again as I realised that he's not even there with me to look at his son. He's always out to complete the quest that the emperor had gave him, it shouldn't be that hard to take some time for your wife. But for some unknown reason, he couldn't even spare an hour for his pregnant wife who's giving birth to his child. But foolishly, I continued to chase after him and forgot to take care of the most important thing in my life. It's been 40 years now ever since I got married to Lowell Edmond, and he's not able to make time for me. Even right now, where I can feel my life slowly slipping away from me. He's still not here, and he will never be here. Even though he's at the age where he should be retiring, he chose to continue being the loyal subject that he has always been and continue to work for the emperor. After the 40 years of marriage and chasing after his love, my heart grew numb. It wasn't until 1 year ago that I realised that I am tired of everything. I had already given up on what I was chasing after 5 years ago. Well, I slowly did without realising. But just when I decided to focus more on enjoying my life since I was getting old. I was diagnosed with an incurable illness. So, I guess this is the end for me. But before it ends, I just want to see my husband one last time. Even if it's just 1 second before I die, just one last. Pathetically, I prayed and prayed for his return from his battle with the dragon king.

Suddenly, the sound of my bedroom the door opened. I widened my eyes in joy thinking that it was my husband but to my surprise. It was my son, I was quite surprised that he came back from watching over the northern land just to see me. Even though it wasn't Lowell. For some reason, I didn't feel disappointed. He ordered all the maids to exit the room and kneel next to the bed that I am currently laying on.

"Are you disappointed?" He asked.

"Why? Do I look like I am?" I asked back with the small strength that I still have.

Maybe it's because I've always been focused on Lowell, but I've never realised how old my son had gotten.

"Father won't be returning until tomorrow, so it's just going to be us."

He sighed and brushed the weak worn-out hair away from my eyes.

"It feels quite awkward right now but since this is going to be our last moment, I am going to ask what I've always been wanting to ask...have you ever loved me at all?" He asked.

"What...do you mean?" I asked back in confusion.

Realisation suddenly hit me, throughout my whole life. I've always been chasing Lowell's affection, but I've never actually paid attention to my son.

"Looking at your facial expression right now, I guess you've never realised it. Maybe if I asked you this early...things wouldn't have been this complicated," he chuckled bitterly.

"I-I am sorry-"

"It's too late now," he cut off.

"Do you resent me?" I asked.

"At some point, I did. But at the end of the day, you're still the person who brought me to this world," he answered.

"I've failed my role as a mother..." I whispered.

"It doesn't matter anymore, how are you feeling right now?" He asked.

"Hmm...I don't know, despair and regrets?" I answered jokingly, even though it's the truth.

He chuckled and held my hand while staring at my face. Tears suddenly started pouring out from his eyes as slowly started losing my consciousness.

"I am sorry..." I whispered as I closed my eyes.

So this is it, it's all over for me. I will carry the guilt and regret down the grave. But it would be nice if time could turn back again. If time could turn back, I swear to god I will do everything to make my son happy. I want to become a proper mother and live a happy life with my son. I don't need anything else other than that.

"Please God, just give me one more chance, I beg you!" I screamed in my head.

I gasped and sat up from my bed, the maid who was cleaning my room came and rushed over towards me.

"Are you alright duchess?!" She asked in a panic.

"I-it's alright, I think I just had a nightmare..." I responded. "And prepare a bath for me."

"Yes duchess," she bowed and went over to the door.

"Wait! Before you go, what year are we currently on right now?" I asked.

"Huh? 1230, is that what you wanted to know?" She said in confusion.

"Alright then thank you, you can leave now," I said.

I got up from my bed and walked out of my room, still feeling confused by everything that's happening.

"I thought that I died? Why am I back to being 30 years old when I am 60 years old?" I asked myself after seeing my reflection in the mirror. "Did everything that happened was just simply an abnormal dream?"

As I continued to try and understand everything that had happened, I widened my eyes in shock as I saw my 10 years old son.

"Good morning mother," he greeted formally.

"LEO!" I shouted in joy and hugged him.

"M-mother? What is going on-"

"I am sorry, I am sorry for everything," I cried as I squeezed him in my arms.

"I-I can't breathe..."

"Oh my god, I am sorry," I apologised and quickly pulled away.

As I looked at my son's face, tears continue to rush down from my cheeks. Realising that I got a second chance to fix my relationship with my son, I felt overwhelmingly happy.

"Um...are you ok mother, should I call the doctor?" He asked.

"No...I am ok, do you want to eat breakfast together?"

He widened his eyes in shock since this is the first I asked him to eat together. Usually, I would wake up extremely early to have breakfast at the same time as Lowell. But this time, I don't care about Lowell anymore. It's not like he's happy about my presence anyways, not that I care about him since I need to take care of my son.

"What about father?" He asked.

"He probably ate already. Anyways, let's eat together!" I exclaimed and grabbed his arms, dragging him to the dining room.