The Shadow

My name is Barry Miller, and I have no shadow. I do not know when it happened or how it happened, but I am absolutely sure that it isn't my shadow.

I first noticed a change a few months ago, thinking back it has probably been even longer. During high wind, my body felt…heavier and my skin was a little sticky. Honestly I thought I was being pulled on, tugged uncontrollably by the wind.

The second thing I noticed was that my shadow started to look too real, as if it had become a 3d object slightly lagging behind me. I mean I thought I was going crazy. I was overthinking it, I told myself.

But the third thing I noticed unnerved me. I could sometimes see it, though the corners of my eyes, move on its own. I asked others if they noticed it and they called me crazy… They thought I was… pulling their leg. To avoid further outcry I thought I'd pretend it was normal, play it off as a joke… claim my shadow bumped me when I made mistakes.

Then it happened. It was a hot day, the oppressive sun beating down, and the bugs were eating me alive. I swung my arms about trying to clear the swarm away from my face, but it was of no use. Then I closed my eyes and sarcastically called out to my shadow, "Hey, why don't you do something useful for once." But when I opened my eyes I noticed that the bugs were gone. I went along with it, "If it could help me kill bugs it couldn't be that bad," I thought.

From then on it continued being useful, doing things without my asking. So eventually I just got used to it. I started to use my shadow to mess with people and interact with things, soon I was acting like I was some sort of psychic. Eventually I decided to even start showing off at my home, messing with things underneath my wife's nose.

But I never knew what I was messing with… what it could really do…

I have been talking to my shadow when I'm alone and in public for a few weeks now. It never really responds, but sometimes it would nod, wave, and shake its head. I could've called it a true friend of mine. I've been called Peter Pan, crazy, schizophrenic, but I stopped caring. My shadow had been there for me like no one else.

Yet despite my perceived closeness it… it had betrayed my trust two days ago.

We had a connection, a link, the shadow and I could act as one body. Our link was so strong I could send it away to do things. I didn't even have to think about it, it just knew.

But I have to draw the line somewhere.

Just the other day I walked around my neighborhood while talking to my shadow. And while we were out we saw a stray cat. I pointed it out, and called it to us. She was a little sweetheart and had the softest fur. I fell in love immediately as I looked in her little eyes, I always wanted a cat. When I got home I turned off the lights, and asked my shadow to check on her.

But today I felt it. I have no idea what I'm linked with.

I walked down the same road as the other day, hoping to see my pretty girl. But as I neared I could smell something, something foul. I looked to my shadow and followed it as it pointed the way. But what I saw when I got there wasn't anything I could've prepared to see.

I saw the cat ripped apart. It's innards used to spell out, "Nothing between us." I vomited as I saw what it had done. It was waving to me as if it wanted me to be proud of it. With an unsettling realization I played along, "Of course nothing can come between us. Not even this."

What have I done?

I continued through the day, pretending I never saw what I had indeed seen. After the day had come towards a close I sat down in my kitchen with my fake smile. I was trying to cover up the nervousness, fear, and anger I felt from this morning. My shadow has never lashed out before, it hasn't done anything like this. What about my family? What if it decided that they were between us?

Why did I have to let my mind wander?

The house was silent, it was just me and my shadow. It was sitting across the table from me, as it waved. I nervously waved back as I took a breath. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 4:04, nearly time for the kids to get back from my parent's. With a sigh I got up from my chair, but as I arose my shadow gestured for me to sit back down. "Fine, I'll let you do it." I said as I laid my face on the table and watched it saunter away. My eyelids grew heavy.

There is nothing between us…not anymore.

I opened my eyes and lifted my head, I hadn't been moved, nor was there anyone to wake me. The kitchen was dark, probably the whole house too. My eyes drifted towards the clock. 9:58. Almost ten PM. It's probably traffic, or Mom kept them for too long. I walked to the light switch and flicked it on only to notice I didn't have a shadow. I looked behind me, and there it sat at the table, in the seat across from where I fell asleep. Looking at me hands folded and laid out on the table.

I do not have a shadow. In its place I have IT.