Part 7/His suffering.

I bounce my leg off the couch slightly,trying to relieve my anxiety while resisting the urge to bite my nails,because I just got them done a few days ago.

"I'm so sorry about that. It was the hospital."

"Did someone off themselves?"

She stares at me blankly,making me think that I shouldn't make jokes like that.

"Sorry. Was just trying to lighten the mood."

"Do you have suicidal thoughts? Is that why you think someone else might have taken their life." She takes out her pen and notebook immediately,making me widen my eyes.

"No,no,no. I haven't had those thoughts since I was little. I may be mentally unstable,but I still wanna live. Don't you worry about that." I chuckle,her eyes set on me.

After her mother had been sick,Doctor Clarkson had canceled a few of our sessions,and even now looked tired.

She always looked sharp when we met,with expensive clothes and a smile on her face.

Now she just seemed worried about everyone and everything. Her clothes wrinkled,her braids clipped back into an updo.

"You were telling me about Amsterdam."

"Yes." I clear my throat and tell her everything that had gone on,with Lilly and Uriah,and the lab with Stefan,even about telling him what happened that night.

"You told him about the miscarriage?"

"Yes."

"And how did he react?"

I shrug "I don't know. He seemed...sad. Heartbroken. I fee like he blames himself."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because he hasn't talked to me or showed up at work for about a month."

"Hm." She writes something down in her notebook,making me want to just snatch it and read everything she has to say.

"When you told him that,was your intention to hurt him?"

"I don't think so. I-...um. I just wanted him to know how much pain he had caused me,and hopefully leave me alone."

"And now he has. Would you be happy if he never showed up again?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want to forgive him?"

"No,i don't think so."

"So why are you not happy that he's finally out of your hair? You can work in peace,and go on with your life."

"Who says I'm not."

"You don't seem like you are."

"Well I am. There's just other things going on in my life right now,and Stefan is the least of of worries."

"If that's what you truly believe."

"Its is."

"Alright then. How is your grandfather?"

"Not so good."

***

The afternoon passed by quickly after seeing doctor Clarkson,I got some coffee,had some food with Lilly and Uriah,who finally made up about two weeks ago,and are taking things slow after finally communicating their issues.

Uriah promised to be more present,and Lilly promised to be more supportive and patient.

I visited Gramps,which lifted my spirits slightly,but seeing him not looks so well,was breaking my heart.

While Frank was annoying me and biting my toes in an attempt to get me to okay with him,I was pushing him away while looking over some of the files that were sent to the group chat.

It was something that I had to do,just something a colleague needed help with.

After Lilly finally went back to her apartment with Uri,the place seemed way too quiet now.

I was just about to get up and make myself some ramen,when I hear my doorbell ring,something that usually never happens,because my friends just walk in,and I never have un-announced guests.

After opening the door,I'm surprised to see two people in front of it.

I stare at them for longer than I should,before finally saying something "Hello."

"Hi. We're sorry to drop by like this. Can we come in."

I make way so they walk inside of my apartment,still leaving me with a thousand questions.

Why is Stefan's brother and sister in law here?

"How do you know where I live?"

"Oh,Stefan sent flowers here. So I asked the florist and told them i thought my husband was cheating. They were very cooperative." Bree says with a chuckle as her husband shakes his head.

"Would you like anything to drink?" I ask awkwardly,feeling too exposed in my shorts and tank top,while they were wearing nice clothes.

"No,thank you." James says politely as they take a seat on my couch.

"Are you sure? I have some tea."

"That would be lovely. Thank you." Bree says as he stares at her.

I nod and walk to the kitchen,and so does Frank,not liking unknown people around.

After serving them some sweet chamomile tea and biscuits,I sit across from them,and smile awkwardly.

"How's school?" She asks as I raise an eyebrow,but nonetheless keep the conversation going.

"It's okay. Studying hard."

"Charlie,I bet you're wondering why we're here." James says.

His wife hits his arm "Always straight to the point with you. Can't we ask the girl how she's doing?"

"What's the point,we're not her friends. She knows that we have a motive for coming here. She probably thinks it's weird."

"A little bit," I chuckle "But I'm guessing you're here on behalf of Stefan."

"We are." She says,tugging at her dress,waiting for him to speak.

"We briefly know what happened between you two,but we wanted to explain how-..."

"His dad offered him money not to be with me,and he took it. And by the looks of it,he regrets his decision. I don't know why,since I'm a fucking train wreck,but-..."

"My father didn't offer him the money. He threatened him."

"You really want me to believe that?" I cross my arms over my chest as I look at them,my temper getting the best of me.

Bree opens her bag,taking out a few folders and hands them to James,who opens them and places some files on the coffee table. They happen to be pictures of me. Two years ago.

On my graduation day,at the diner,with my friends,walking to my car.

"What are these?" I look through them,feeling sick to my stomach.

"My father had you followed. He showed these to Stefan,and told him what he would do you. I know this may seem ridiculous to you,but you don't know the power my father held. The threats he made to Stefan about you,and your friends,even your family in Florida. Stefan had no choice but to leave."

I swallow,having difficulty breathing.

"He could have told me.We would have found a solution together. He didn't have to leave..."

"When it came to protecting you from his father,I don't think Stefan had a choice,Charlie."

I bite my lip,trying to sit comfortably somehow while it feels like I have a weight on top of me.

"And what do you want from me? To forgive him. I can't do that,I can't because I was crying on mu floor for months on end,while he was God knows where partying and trying to forget me."

"Is that what he told you? Is that what you think?" Bree says as If I said something so shocking.

I shrug "He seems fine now. And I can't just forgive him because he changed his mind. He has no idea what I went through. He broke my heart,and is just asking for it back like it's nothing."

"You really think he didn't care about what happened."

"Yes."

James sighs,opening another folder and handing me the files "What are these?"

"Just read them."

I looked over the first one,and they seem to be admission files...for a mental institution.

It had all of Stefans information,and then in the middle of it there was cause for admitting him there,where it said: depression,suicide attempt.

"What the hell is this?"

"That's Stefan's file from the Johannes-Lee psychiatric facility. Where he stayed for two months to treat his depression after he tried to take his own life."

Those words were like a shard of glass going into my chest,slowly and painfully.

"Wh-what? Why? Why?"

"My dad was controlling him again. Wasn't letting him do what he loved. Locked him up. And most importantly,he lost you. He felt like he didn't have another choice."

"He...he tried to..." Tears fall down my cheeks as I try to ask the question of how.

"Pills. Lots of them. Tyler and I found him." Bree says,her eyes full of tears too.

"It was then that I knew that I had to protect my little brothers. Tyler couldn't ne himself and love who he wanted,and Stefan almost lost his life.I took matters into my own hands."

"Like what?"

"Digging and more digging. Found deep secrets about my father. Things that could ruin the only thing he cares about. His career and reputation."

"You threatened him back?"

"Yes. He said that he would retire,and that the boys could do anything they wanted with their lives as long as we kept out mouths shut." Bree ads,sitting closer to me and holding my hand.

"I don't know what you've been through Charlie,and I'm sorry if this is just adding salt to your wounds,but we thought that you deserved to know this."

"Why?" I wipe my eyes "I was moving on,I was getting my life back together and then he just showed up. He broke my heart..."

"He was broken hearted too,sweetheart. Living without you was the worst thing he's been put through. We lost him,and we were so close to loosing him for good. The hope of being with you is what has been keeping him going all this time."

"We only came here because we're seeing him fall back into his depression again this last couple of months. And we thought that maybe something had happened between you two." James raises an eyebrow at me,as I nod slowly.

He sighs "Thought so."

"Just please talk to him. Try to understand."

"This is so fucked up."

"I know. And you probably don't deserve our family bullshit. But as his big brother,I had to try and help him."

"Your family is bullshit."

"Tell me about it." Bree says in agreement.

"Please just talk to him."

"I'll try." I nod as they stare at me,making me confused for a few seconds "You mean now?"

"Right now,we'll drive". Bree says as I am taken back.

"I'm sorry,Charlie but this is urgent."

I sigh "Alright."

***

I didn't even have time to process all of this. I can't imagine what Stefan was feeling,and I feel so stupid for not listening to what he had to say.

But can you blame me? I was heartbroken and angry,which is not the best combination in the world.

I was moving on fine with my life,and here I am now,riding the elevator up to my

ex-boyfriends apartment.

When I knock on the door,Tyler opens It,a small smile on his face as he lets me inside,and tells me that he's been here for about a week,and hasn't been able to really get Stefan to do anything. He hasn't left the apartment,or eaten,or talked to any of them.

"He really doesn't want any company."

"I can be persuasive." I joke as he chuckles,tapping on his door before opening it slowly.

"I'm not hungry Ty." His back is facing us,while he looks the other direction,not even bothered to turn around.

"I got it." I whisper as he nods and leaves us alone in his room.

I drop my bag and jacket on the floor,walking around the bed and going to his other side,shocking him when he looks up and sees me,but nonetheless doesn't get up or do anything else.

"Sitting on your ass all day doesn't suit you."

"What are you doing here,Charlie."

I raise the duvet and slowly get into the bed,pulling the covers on top of me,while I lie down facing him,so our faces are a few inches apart. He looks even sadder now that I'm here,trying to say something,but he just can't accumulate the words.

"I was contacted to try and get you out of bed."

"James?"

"And Bree. They're concerned."

"I'm fine. Just haven't been feeling that great."

"Is this because of what I told you?"

He doesn't say anything,letting the question linger between us,giving me the answer I need.

"You shouldn't be here."

I bite my lip,a single tear making it's way down my cheek,as I place my hand on his face,my thumb touching his cheek.

"Stefan,what did you do?" He looks confused for a moment,before he understands what I'm asking,his expression breaking my heart even more.

"I...I didn't think that-..."

"How could you do that? How can you try and hurt yourself?"

He sighs,tears filling his eyes too "I was at the lowest point of my life. I didn't feel like I had a choice."

"So you thought a permanent solution would solve it? What about your brothers? Your nephews? Me?"

"I've lost you forever,Charlie. You can never look at me the same way. And after what happened to you,I don't even want you to."

"Your brothers are scared that your depression is back. And they're terrified that something will happen to you."

"I don't know. Maybe. I can't sort out what I'm feeling. Haven't been to my therapist's in a while."

I just can't contain myself,and I start laughing,making him look at me like I'm crazy.

"You have a therapist too?" I ask as he smiles,nodding his head.

"How do we fuck up this bad? How does a relationship almost ruin us completely? To the point where we need a therapist to help. And then make ourselves worse by constantly being around each other."

"That's probably my fault. I shouldn't have gotten my boss to invest in your company. I thought that If I was around you,I could keep you safe,and I could maybe win you back."

"I have been wanting to strangle you every day since then." I widen my eyes after realizing what I just said,making him laugh.

"You're fine. I tried to off myself,It happens."

"No,it doesn't just happen! You have to promise me that you won't pull shit like that again." I sit up,my anger getting the best of me.

He smiles,also sitting up as we both lean against the headboard.

"I don't know man, if you break my heart one more time,I don't know what might happen." I hit his arm,making him laugh.

"Okay,okay."

"I'm serious. Promise me!"

"I promise. Jesus. Can't even contemplate living in peace."

"Asshole." We sit in silence for a few minutes,staring at his room.

"And don't worry. We finish with the building in about four months. Bare with me till then. After that, you'll never have to see me again."

I look at him in confusion "So that's it. You're done trying to win me back?"

"Yeah. I get that I'm just hurting you. And after what you went through,I don't want to be a constant reminder of what could have been."

"Is this about the baby?" I ask him as he just shrugs,making me sigh "Stefan,what happened that night was a tragedy,but I've moved on. So should you. I was sure hell not ready to be a mom. Something in the universe knew. The only reason that I was upset was because It was ours." I look at him,his face urging me to go on.

"It was a reminder that I was in love. I loved you so much that If it came down to it,I would have kept it,because it was created on those fundamentals. Love. But It wasn't meant to be. And that's no ones fault. I'm sorry If I said it was. I was hurting,and wanted you to hurt too. Because I thought that the break up didn't affect you at all."

He chuckles "It did."

"Clearly." We both laugh.

"But yeah. I'm gonna leave you alone from now on."

"Maybe we can go back to being friends. That's how we started out. Now I'm thinking we should have never progressed past that."

He nods "Friends with benefits?"

I laugh "No. Absolutely not." I lean my head against his shoulder,finally feeling relaxed.

"I'm gonna miss our daily banters."

"Oh don't worry. I still have enough anger in me to call you a dickhead everyday."

"Good. I'll look forward to it."

"Good."

It was indeed good. We were always good as friends.

Now that neither of us want a relationship or have no feelings for each oth-...wait.

I don't have feelings for him do I? Do i?!

God fucking damn it.

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