Forbidden Fruit

I freed my arm and went to Yaprak's class. Her teacher came out and I went in. I sat next to her. I could see Arslan through the open door. He was still with that girl. Why did that bother me so much? If he saw me in this situation, he would think that I was in love with him or something. But I wasn't, was I?

We went down to eat at noon. We sat at one of the tables. Yaprak was immersed in eating. I was looking at Arslan. Just out of curiosity. So how? A voice inside me said, 'You keep deceiving yourself.' And I saw him. He was alone. He was sitting across from me. He was playing with the food on his plate. His eyes were on his desk. He looked thoughtful. Then she came, Sarmaşık. She sat down next to him and handed him coffee. She threw her hair to her left and looked at Arslan. She said something, but of course, I couldn't hear it. Arslan also spoke. Sarmaşık reached into her bag and took out a novel. She said something and gave it to Arslan. He took it and placed it in his black leather bag. The girl looked at Arslan and took the fork from his hand. She had the fork dipped into the pasta and brought it to Arslan's mouth. He looked puzzled. The girl forced and said something. And Arslan opened his mouth. No more! The girl was feeding Arslan in front of so many people! When the girl tried to feed him for the second time, he took the fork from her hand and began to eat it himself.

What were these stupid moves? The girl was acting like they were lovers. That's when it occurred to me. I had never asked Arslan if he had a girlfriend. Maybe they were lovers but I didn't know?

I barely took my eyes off them and I tried to eat my food.

Yaprak stopped me.

- Eat slowly or you'll choke!

- I won't drown.

- Deniz?

- Nothing will happen!

I drowned while drinking water. Yaprak hit my back hard a few times.

- Okay okay. I'm fine.

When I lifted my head, I saw Arslan coming towards us.

- Are you okay, Deniz?

I did not answer. But Yaprak replied.

- Good.

He was still where he was.

I looked at Yaprak. She immediately understood. We got up at the same time and headed for the exit.

We went to the cinema after school. Peri chose the movie. Of course, it was a romance movie.

Peri, Yaprak, and I were lined up, with Berke on the left. The hall was crowded. I regretted not buying corn and left the theater to buy it before the movie started. When I got back to the theatre saloon, I was in shock. Arslan was sitting in front of Yaprak, and Sarmaşık was next to him.

I forced myself to take my place without looking at them. The girl was telling Arslan something. I could hear what she was saying but I couldn't concentrate. My nerves were at the top. Yaprak saw this and suggested going. But no, I wasn't going. I would see what would happen.

The lights went out and the movie started. I was watching them more than the movie. The girl was getting closer and closer to Arslan. He was watching the movie. When I returned to Yaprak, I found her staring at me. 'Let's go,' she said quietly. I shook my head.

And I came back. And that girl did what she was going to do. He took Arslan's hand! Not only that, she rested her head on his shoulder. I couldn't see their hands, but it was clear that they were holding hands. I couldn't breathe for a moment and sadness came over me. I looked at Yaprak. She understood and said something to Peri. I slowly got up. Thankfully, the chains in Yaprak's purse (!) broke the silence as she got up. And at that moment, Arslan looked behind her and our eyes met. I just turned my head and kept walking. We left the living room and sat in a cafe.

- Are you okay, Deniz?

- I don't know. I don't understand what's going on with me.

- Well, I'm going to ask you a question, did you forget about Rüzgar?

Rüzgar... How was this possible?

Arslan said a voice inside me. Yes. Arslan did not make me feel his absence. And he even took the place of Rüzgar.

-I'm not sure. I mean, I don't think of him as much as I used to, but I still miss him. And I feel bad when I think of it, but I'm still not sure. It's like I don't want it as much as before.

- It seems that your feelings are mixed. So why is Arslan? I mean, what traits attract you to him?

- He's a nice guy. I guess so. It's both good and bad. But he always treated me well.

Yaprak raised an eyebrow.

- Okay, usually. I don't know, maybe I like him protecting me, just like Rüzgar does.

- And?

- But I don't like him. No, I can't fall in love with someone like him. He's a psycho. No, I can't fall in love with him.

- Forbidden Fruit.

- What?

- You love and want it because it is the forbidden fruit. He's bad, psycho, violent, and confused... You know that too. So you force yourself not to love him, but the more you do, the more you want him. Just as we are more interested in things that are forbidden... Just as we crave breaking the rules...

- That... that makes a lot of sense... So actually I wouldn't feel that way if I didn't see him that way?

- I think.

-How so?

-So maybe yes maybe no. Because apart from all that, you might also really like him.

I put my head in my hands. It was very... It was a complicated situation, it was.