Like the Current

I was drowning in love

I was drowning in paranoia

I was drowning in my anxieties and all that depressing thoughts

I was drowning

I am always saved by his presence and his love

His voice I always want to hear

His face I always want to see

All imperfections I accept

All my imperfections he does not exactly want

Yet still stays loves me so

Still so patient and forebearing since I don't exactly remember when

You came along and fell

I was not supposed to feel anything but I did not want to let you go

I like you but I love him

I hurt him and I hurt you

I miss the pain and so I pursued

I'm sorry for hurting you, I'm sorry for letting you stay

I can't stop thinking how horrible I am

I wonder how long can your heart turns cold from all the pain

I wonder when one day, we can all meet at a place where I can smile and no guilt is there

Where both of you can see each other face to face and not contend who's better in loving me than I am in having different feelings for both of you

I did not want to be a monster in a human's body but I feel my humanity slipping away

I wonder how long I will bear

All the love and all the pain

Mixed it and now afraid

Scared that the chill will freeze me again

Like how I was before I met you and him

©️04.05.2020