Chapter Nine

Madeline’s POV

Why is nothing ever in my control?!

I desperately try to remember what Mr. Rivera taught me to control my spirals before things can get any worse.

4 counts breathe in.

What’s done is done, and if anything, I’m lucky that I still have family.

7 counts to hold.

I can make new memories with them. I can start over fresh.

8 counts to release.

And those memories all began with one person.

I wipe the excessive amounts of stained mascara off my eyelids.

Andrew.

The world blurs and I can barely focus on a single thought. Or rather, a single person. I continue my breathing pattern a few more times until I start to feel better. I see a moving mixture of colors and feel someone asking to hold my hand. Still in a panicked state, I nod my head before feeling a sense of security. The warmth stays with me, not daring to move or worsen my condition.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you Maddie. I’m here, you’re safe.”

The voice causes me to bolt straight up, panting and gasping for air. Slowly regaining my senses, I turn to see Andrew holding me up.

“I’m- I’m sorry, I just over-thought a few things, I hope I didn’t scare you,” I say, smoothing out my hair and skirt.

“It’s okay” he assures me, mumbling something before continuing hesitantly, “you know, if you aren’t feeling well, we don’t have to go on a date.”

What? No no no, I need this. Like, he doesn’t understand just how much I need this.

“NO!” He flinches as I yell a little too loudly. I smile apologetically and explain, “please, I really need this date. I need a distraction, a reason to smile.” I look up at his gorgeous green eyes.

He smiles charmingly and says, “As long as you are feeling alright, I’d be happy to help you get your mind off whatever’s bothering you, if only for a while.”

I nod and he takes my hand, leading me to his car. Only then do I get to appreciate his outfit. He’s wearing a green turtleneck and ripped blue jeans with a sleek jean jacket to match. His brown hair is gelled back on the sides elegantly stacked atop his head. It seems he puts a lot of effort into what he wears, similar to me.

I climb into the passenger seat and he takes the wheel, driving us to the evening fair near the boardwalk. The ride is quiet, both of us gathering our thoughts from whatever just happened prior. My body feels drained yet my mind is awake, insecurities still lingering. But I feel my weight shift on the plush seat as I start to doze off.

I feel safe.

---

Andrew’s POV

Madeline is having another attack.

“Hey hey no- it’s okay, it’s going to be okay. Madeline, can I hold you?”

I struggle to recall the many methods I’ve learned about in the past to comfort her, like breathing exercises or positive affirmations, but she’s gone too far. All I can do for now is stay by her side and be there for her when she comes back. Back to her senses.

So I do just that, propping her up and slowly untangling her hair while rubbing small circles on her back. I can only hope my actions are soothing since I couldn’t really ask for her consent. But I know she wouldn’t try to hit me or think of me as a threat.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you Maddie. I’m here, you’re safe.” I whisper into her ear, her dark locks tickling my lips.

Her heart rate slows to normal speed and she blinks a few times to clear her vision.

“I’m- I’m sorry, I just over-thought a few things, I hope I didn’t scare you.”

Madeline smooths out her skirt and tries her best to seem nonchalant. I know very well that she isn’t fine, but decide not to press.

“It’s okay... I’m used to these,” I assure her without thinking.

I hope she didn’t hear that last part-

“You know, if you aren’t feeling well, we don’t have to go on a date.” I rush to cover my mistake before she realizes it.

“NO!” She yells next to me and I flinch in immediate response.

No loud noises. No. No-

“Please, I really need this date. I need a distraction, a reason to smile.” She looks up at me with pleading eyes.

As much as I’m worried for her, I can’t say no to her eyes.

But regardless of what she wants, I promised her Mom I’d take care of her, which also means knowing what’s best for her.

Though, in a way this could be a healthy distraction for her, assuming we play this right. Going on a date isn’t ignoring what just took place, it’s recovering from it.

“As long as you are feeling alright, I’d be happy to help you get your mind off whatever’s bothering you, if only for a while.”

I motion towards the car and we take off to the annual fair being held at the boardwalk. It had always been an unspoken tradition for Madeline and me to visit the carnival rides and cotton candy stands, even if we dropped it after a few years.

We ride in peaceful serenity, enjoying each others’ company and observing the cars that woosh past us like bullets.

“Hey Madeline, I just want you to know, I’ll be here if you ever need to talk-” I ramble on before turning to look at her during a red light.

Her exhausted form lays limply on the passenger seat, hands wrapped around her body and eyes shut tight. But unlike before, there are no signs of discomfort or panic, just a soft blush on her cheeks. Not like the morbid haze I observed during her stay at the hospital either, this is different. This is nice.

I continue driving with a smile dusting my lips. I understand how after all that commotion she’s probably emotionally exhausted and physically drained. The funny thing is, she’s usually the one stable enough to comfort me.

With both of us at risk, we have no choice but to support each other, but what would happen if we were both in need of help? I suppose that’s one of the reasons I decided to call us off, we were too unstable to help each other.

But now things have changed, and hopefully this recovery will make her future even brighter than what she can’t remember.

My car slows to a stop as well pull up near the carnival. Excited screams and upbeat, yet grainy, music can be heard from inside. I inhale the sweet air of caramel and the toasty scent of freshly popped popcorn.

The inner child in me is begging to run towards the admission booth faster than humanly possible, but I restrain and lean over to wake Madeline up. I nudge her shoulder and she stirs, mumbling a string of words sleepily.

And with a glint in my eye and a daring smile on my face, I whisper, “Are you ready for the date of your life?”