This is how I befriended a Chibi Judge

24 December 422

"This is the worst day possible!" Satella exclaimed, her face buried in her hands as she hoped to avoid the full brunt of the situation we were currently facing.

And she wasn't wrong about it.

We were being confined in a dream-like circumstance conjured by Echidna together with the other witches. The group of six girls was looking fairly surprised at the recent development, with their eyes fixed intensely at the embarrassed reflection of the Witch of Envy.

This was as surreal as it could get, for both parties. The only one that seemed particularly calm about it, if not gloating over the chaos unleashed with this unneeded escalation, was Echidna herself.

The mischievous smile playing on her lips just cemented this perception as I took notice of her stare directed at the mirror. Was she perhaps interested in its working?

As I was lost in my thoughts over the chances of dealing with this predicament without getting somehow mauled by the cast of exceptionally deadly ladies, I found my attention brought back to reality when I felt Sphinx tugging at my shirt.

"Brother, what is going on?" She asked, looking more perplexed than else. "And why does that woman look like-"

I interrupted her before she had the chance of gaining Echidna's attention with her pointing. Despite my best effort to limit her knowledge of witches, I still ended up having her meet Edna. It wasn't something planned, but during one of the last nights Sphinx was pulled by the fragmented version of the Witch of Greed in the mindscape that I was already present in.

I was surprised, confused, and legitimately worried that their encounter would've sparked some unneeded memory that would've screwed any efforts to convert them away from making any chaos-induced madness.

Much to my relief, the little girl seemed more interested in making friends with someone that wasn't a girl. They both felt a connection when they first met, but none actually made a step in pondering about the matter. Oddly enough, they seemed more content with the present disposition rather than requiring a logical answer that could explain this connection.

Heck, Edna went as far as proclaiming that it was just a sign that they were meant to be friends.

...

Ok, maybe she made a silly comment by saying 'girlfriends', but I was quick enough to correct her and explain why that was wrong.

Those were some confusing dream sessions alright.

But not as troublesome as what I was currently dealing with. Still, the memory offered me an option that could get us out.

I leaned near to Sphinx's ear, and delivered a quick whisper.

"They are similar, but not the same. Also, I need you to try and pull Edna here."

With her eyes widening for just a split second, the girl nodded as she quietly tried to accomplish the little request.

I was hoping for her attempt to go around Echidna's means to find any effort to alter the dream state, especially with how crucial it was for us to have a quick exit door in case things developed in a steamy and murderous scene.

Knowing only the basics of how this small magical bubble worked similarly to a Fate's Reality Marble, I knew there was a chance for someone from outside the bubble to manage cracking inside the magical barrier.

It was just a theory right now, but I was fairly certain that Edna was going to break through without any major issues.

Despite my dreadful thoughts, I was once more taken back to reality when I was tugged again by one of my sleeves, this time the one behind the action being rougher and more impatient about it.

I turned to face the individual, only to be forced to stare down at the pink-red eyes that were giving me quite the intense gazing. I blinked, and the little witch's smile widened as she noticed that she got my attention.

"Hey big bro, what is your name?"

Childish, and almost impertinent. I blinked again as I addressed the first 'murder instance' for today.

The green-haired tanned girl was Typhon, the Witch of Pride. The innocence and honesty of a child being weaponized through the usage of an Authority that dismantled anyone its user deemed guilty of a sin.

Adorable, pretty simplistic with her logical thoughts, this kid was someone that easily slaughtered her own father when he felt guilty of executing some traitorous men under his command.

What really rendered this ability difficult to predict was how it actually worked. The judgment system was subjective, and it all depended on Typhon's own capacity to distinguish a sinner from an innocent individual.

And one could consider lying about my foreknowledge a sin since it warranted some avoidable deaths around the World. It didn't help that this very question, albeit silly, was a terrible reminder of the one that Sphinx deemed it worth judging liars from honest people.

Still, I decided to brave the deadly circumstance and muster up a smile that best described my uneasiness.

"Can I whisper it to your ear?" I asked with a quiet tone. "I don't like giving away my real name to those that can hurt me through it."

A surprised look adorned the child's face, and she seemed to ponder about my request for a couple of silent seconds.

Finally, she gave a quick and energetic nod, and I crouched down to tell her the true name.

Before I opened my mouth and told her the two simple words, I stopped as I realized that someone was standing behind Typhon and over us.

"Echidna, I don't think I gave you this privilege."

"Didn't you? Maybe you forgot?"

"I'm quite sure I remember perfectly."

...

Her smile turned in a scowl and she sighed. "Fine, you jerk!"

Typhon gasped. "That's a bad word, Big Sis."

"Can it, Typhon. I'm not in the mood for your childish antics."

The tanned girl pouted, and I sighed before reaching for her head with my hand and patting it.

"She is just a grumpy witch with no common sense," I pointed out with a mirthful tone, drawing a twitchy tiny smile out of the girl and a frown from Echidna.

"I heard you, you prick."

"Language!" I repeated together with Typhon, the child giggling at the little combo and I found myself smirking at how 'easy' it was for me to relate with a kid her age.

The witches were mostly staring at the scene with surprise, with the only exceptions being the still embarrassed Satella, a distracted Daphne, and the currently napping Sekhmet.

Instead of allowing this digression to persist I returned to lean by her left ear, whispering quietly my name as her eyes widened in surprise and realization.

"That's a long name!" She commented with a wondrous tone. "But... you said that you don't like bad people to know it. So how should I call you?"

"I'm John Bukharin to mostly everyone," I replied with a nod.

"So you kind of lie to people about it?"

"Only because it would hurt people I care more if my real one was known to the rest of the world," I assured with a convinced tone. "I know that magic can become dangerous when real names are used against their owners. When people are forced to hurt those they care about."

She gave a slow nod, understanding the logic I was going for, but she also looked unsure about the matter since it was a gray-based topic.

"So you care a lot for your precious people, big bro?"

"My entire existence," I replied without hesitation, and at that point her smile emerged stronger than before.

"That's good to know! I think you're a nice person." I felt relief washing over me at this decision, yet she was far from over with this topic. "But I also think that you're holding back something from me... about me."

I blinked. "What?"

"Early on you were giving me a nervous look. It's like you're afraid of me, big bro?"

I tensed up at the indirect question and... I sighed.

"If I have to tell you the truth, I want you to make me a tiny promise-"

"Stop- I mean, Ser Bukharin, surely you can hold back yourself from saying anything too problematic," The blonde with light blue eyes muttered with a half-threat.

Minerva, my mind reminded me, the witch of Wrath.

It was kind of ironic how she was just a hotheaded medic with an ability that allowed her to heal any injury... at the cost of triggering a calamity around the world whenever she used her Authority.

"I can assure you, Lady Minerva, that I'm not planning to say anything uncouth to Typhon," I remarked with a nod. "I don't seek to hurt anyone here, and I just want to give her an answer I think she had been asking to know about for a long time."

The woman regarded me with an apprehensive look, but Typhon quipped in with a serious look.

"I-I want to know," She muttered with a determined tone, her stare then turning up at my face. "Tell me."

I sighed again. "I know how your Authority works, Typhon."

She blinked, waiting for a continuation as she raptly listened to my words.

"Your Authority is connected to your understanding of innocence and guilt, which is both a good and bad thing."

"Why?" She inquired, her eyes narrowing.

"Because you are best suited to judge people when you have a clear understanding of their own crimes," I explained with a sad smile. "You're a child, but this doesn't mean you're not old enough to make these kinds of actions. It means you don't have the experience, the knowledge, and thus the capacity to make proper judgments of those that have committed sins in a specific situation that is self-absolving."

"They are still sinners-"

"But some don't sin out of malicious intentions. Some even don't have the choice of avoiding making a sin happen."

"But still... they're bad."

"Never said that yours is an incorrect thought," I muttered with an agreeing nod. "Yet I think that judging someone from their action should never be left in the hands of a single person, or else they themselves become sinners with their own decisions."

"I'm the Witch of Pride," Typhon rebuked.

"And that absolves you from making sins yourself?" I shot back with a fascinated look, getting a sheepish expression out of her.

"I think? I never looked much into being a Witch of Sin but... I think it's right," The tanned girl replied with an unsure tone. "Why, do you think it's not like that?"

"My opinion is that nobody should have a role that shields them from any contempt for an action that is normally looked down upon," I commented politely. "I'm not saying that you're a bad person, but I think there were a few instances where you could've taken a little more time to contemplate how you wished to deal with a situation."

Her lips parted, a surprised hint replacing part of her uncertainty as she digested my words. Typhon blinked, slowly understanding that there was some simple logic there that dismantled half of her reasoning to commit half of the horrible deeds she was known for.

"Once again," I resumed with a confident tone. "That doesn't make you a bad person. Just a misguided girl."

"And... what's the difference?"

"Are you going to pay more attention if you end up judging someone for their sins?"

She nodded, and my smile widened.

"There, here is the proof of you being just a misguided but honest child," I remarked brightly, her eyes widened in surprise at that. "If you had been really bad, then you would've said no and learned nothing about this."

"Really?"

I nodded, patting her head again and causing her to smile happily at the kind words and gesture.

"Yay, what a sickeningly sweet scene between a jerk and a brat."

Echidna's voice interrupted the little moment, and I turned at her with an annoyed frown.

"I don't see why this is a problem to you."

The Witch of Greed blinked in faux surprise. "Maybe it's because I'm still trying to grasp over the fact I can't get a read about you... and yet here you are, being quite open with your genuine self. It's frustrating- no, it's aggravating."

"It's your fault if people don't trust you about showing their true selves to you," Satella shot back from the mirror still hanging by my right hand. She had been quiet during the private conversation I had with Typhon, but now she seemed rather... vexxed.

"As if you're a shining example of being a trustworthy individual," Echidna rebuked dryly. "I can bring up so many people you betrayed, but of course you only cared for the loyalty and love of a single person."

I saw Satella tensing up at that, her eyes widening in a clear display of irritation and fright at what her fellow Witch was alluding to.

"That is not true," I remarked vehemently. "Especially in the last couple of decades."

"You speak as if you know more than you care to tell," The annoyed Witch of Greed pointed out with an irritated tone "Let me ask you this then if you truly know so much about her: if Satella lost control of her Authority, would you still care whenever she is not responsible for her crimes or not?"

...

"I would," I remarked calmly. "In fact, I think I would fight all those that tell me she is willingly going through that ordeal."

Surprise flared from Echidna at that unplanned reaction, and her scowl deepened at that response.

But just as the girl prepared to give another rebuttal to my words, her breath was cut short as she looked behind me and... stopped.

I blinked, confused by this development, but my eyes were suddenly blinded by a pair of hands covering them.

"...Guess who?"

For a moment, I was tempted to say 'Edna'. But that wasn't her voice. And I could tell that the woman behind was taller than the rambunctious girl.

I sighed, a tiny smile appearing on my face as I reached her hands with my own, giving those a calm squeeze.

"I suppose you decided to come here instead of being limited to a mirror," I commented calmly, slowly turned around to see the uneasy smile on Satella's face. "But hello there."

Satella shrugged, looking as tense as she could be about the matter of being around her fellow witches, but she seemed to take it well when a giddy Typhon decided to slam into her and bear-hug her.

"Big sis! You decided to come here personally!"

"Y-Yeah," The Witch of Envy replied with a light stutter. "But... I'm not alone."

The last word got me surprised, but I quickly realized that someone was hiding behind the young woman. A familiar white-haired girl tilted to the side almost comically, her black eyes boring dryly onto me.

"Edna?"

She nodded. "I couldn't enter and... I decided to tag along with Miss Satella."

Taking another step out of her cover and towards me, her stare moved away from me and towards something that caught her attention almost instantly.

Echidna was gawking as she continued to stare at her doppelganger, and the same was happening with Edna.

"John, why is there a hag over here wearing my same face?"

And I could already tell that this was going to be a brilliant clash for sure...

Or at least this would've been the case if I hadn't decided against tempting fate and allowing new madness within that already crazy tea party.

It was already scandalous enough that I had yet to be given some tea... but knowing Echidna, I wasn't keen to be subjected to what Abbacchio did to Giorno.

"I suppose that-"

"Already set to go," Satella confirmed with a tired sigh. "I know it's sudden but-"

"I owe you a favor," I muttered with a nod, my eyes turning to Typhon as she looked confused by what I was saying. I sighed and nodded at her. "We left the Castle during an important situation. I think people are already searching for us and I don't want to worry them too much."

The girl's eyes widened in realization, but while she gave a sad look at the fact we were planning to leave, she still smiled and nodded.

"Can you promise me to introduce your friends to me if I get out?"

That was a rather sudden and strange question. I don't know why, but I felt a shiver go down my spine as I saw Echidna actually flinch at that question.

"Sure. But you've to promise me to be in your best behavior."

Typhon giggled. "I will!"

She moved away from Satella and regaled me with a tight hug. "You're super-nice, big bro!"

"And you're a smart cookie, lil' sis."

"B-Brother?"

I turned to see a slightly unhappy Sphinx walking closer to where we were and, instead of letting her hang, I reached out for her and allowed her in that hug.

The embrace lasted for a while, and even though I felt like this had gone way smoother than I had initially expected, I couldn't help but think that I made a big mistake somehow.

After giving some simple farewells, and ignoring the strange look Minerva and Sekhmet were giving me, we started to walk toward the 'entrance' created by both Edna and Satella and... the world collapsed around us.

A flash of multiple colors washed upon us, and my head grew dizzy for a couple of seconds until we finally arrived back from where we had left.

The stone floor was cold and unforgiving when I ended up slamming onto it. It didn't help that Sphinx fell right onto me because of how the warp had gone by.

Yep, I guess teleporting ain't my gig.

Still, as we both got off the ground, I quickly turned my attention to the main issue of the matter. Knowing Fourier, we had to swiftly get back within the known parts of the castle before the prince started a literal manhunt to find us.

I wasn't ready to be on the wrong side of history if I ended up caught by the blond. I just couldn't allow the young man to break the 'older sibling always beats the younger sibling' rule.

I just couldn't.

AN

A 'short' chapter, but I decided on this word count for a couple of reasons, first being that I didn't want to add a senseless scene afterward this big one. I tried to write one, but then I felt the early segment ended up losing part of its valor because of it.

Still, here's an Omake.

Omake EX 2: Divine Encounter

I sighed tiredly as I finished dealing with another stack of doom on my desk. The paperwork was endless, the day was a slow one, and I was feeling the most bored ever.

This wasn't normal. I could tell that something was already off from the way the other people I knew in the castle were busy one way or another.

Fourier was out for a visit at the local slum quarter as a noble was complaining about a young thief robbing him blind.

Crusch was training on her own, having mentioned that the session was going to drag to dinnertime.

Felix was given patrol duty around the capital together with Julius.

And I was left there in that office to sign reports and write modifications whenever there was a need for those.

I was tired, horribly so. I had been working on this since early morning, and even though Lunch had granted me the chance to rest and eat, I was still so close to just give up the assignment and get some sneaky napping going.

I wasn't someone that usually tried to find some rest during these circumstances, but I really wasn't planning to wait for a good reason to appear and get me off this dreadful mission.

A yawn left my lips, and I barely noticed the suave light coming from the lone candle that I had left by the furthest corner of the desk flickering a little bit. I paused, glancing at it as I expected for a soft gust of wind to splash on my face, to dignify the fact that this was all the result of natural and causal factors.

But there was no wind. Only pressure.

And it was a surprisingly familiar kind of pressure.

ゴ

ゴ

ゴ

ゴ

I blinked again, this time taking a longer break from the paperwork to look around the office. I couldn't see anybody, nor I could sense any hint of someone having entered inside and moved around while I was distracted.

Confusion swelled at the odd tension grasping at my mind, and I stood up from my chair as I felt fright slowly forming inside of me.

What was going on? And why did I feel so close to make a run for the only entrance?

These questions were delayed as I heard a vase toppling off one of the upper shelves by the furniture behind me. I turned around, swiftly catching the ceramic before it had a chance of reaching the floor.

I stared at it, and I noticed that there was nothing new on it. It was pretty bland, and I could remember it being one of the few things that had been already there when I moved in.

Still, I looked up to where it was left and I slowly came into the realization that maybe this simple development was the cause of my uneasiness.

Maybe I had felt the vase close to fall? It sounded surreal, and yet I could see it as the only logical explanation. Once I had settled the intact pot by a lower shelf of the furniture, I turned around to resume with my paperwork.

I paused, my eyes keeping a calm yet tense glint as I realized that something was off about my desk.

The paper that I had yet to finish... it had all been settled on the side where the rest of the complete reports were. Those looked to have all been signed, and I could recognize my calligraphy replicated in a flawless manner. It was almost as if I had been responsible for that quick miracle.

The shock swiftly gained control of my brain as I also noticed someone sitting by the chair in front of the table. The young man was older than me, yet the elegance, the youthfulness and the aristocratic calm that was set on his face left me perplexed and gasping.

Blond hair was tilting towards the back, with a few locks twirling forward in a semi-orderly haircut. Orange eyes were locked onto my form, studying my actions, and waiting with some trepidation over my reaction.

He was wearing a set of clothes akin to an elegant businessman, with a black jacket donned over a white shirt and a dark-purple tie, and a pair of black pants ending with two dark-brown shoes.

It didn't take me long to realize that the one in front of me was Dio Brando. But also not.

Something about him was just odd. Starting from his bulkier form and the fact he still looked human, I knew that this wasn't the original 'Master of the Road Roller'.

"How?"

The question was short, but legitimately so to reduce any annoying mind games with the already confusing guest I was now dealing with.

His lips twitched, and his playful eyes addressed me like a kitty would with a mice toy.

"No."

I frowned, feeling annoyed at that rebuttal, but I knew that Dio's own refusal to accept this request wasn't based on something illogical.

"What is your name?"

Finally he smiled at the followup question. A success? Maybe. I couldn't still tell if I was making good progress or not with this bizarre encounter.

"My name is Dio Brando. And I wanted to spend some time away from work."

...Is he joking?

My brain was starting to hurt now at how dumb of a reason the dangerous fellow in front of me presented to explain why he was here.

I still had to understand the 'how' and 'when' all of this happened.

"John Bukharin."

He sighed. "A pleasure to meet you."

"I wish to say the same-"

"But everyone has their opinion. And you have an early bias against me."

"I'm-"

"Don't hide it. It doesn't befit a smart individual like yourself," The guest rebuked, ignoring my attempt to deny the comment. "While your capacity to think and adapt has sharpened well enough to help you against the current threats here, you're still far from ever matching the degree of madness I had to go through."

...

"How?"

"And now you sound like a broken record."

"If only I could get some answer instead of classic mysterious words from Dio-not-Dio," I remarked, getting a snort from the young man.

"I used my Stand to get here. But I can't tell you how exactly this works."

Once again, I was being left in the utter darkness. But instead of pressing for more, I decided to keep quiet and... return to my chair.

...

"Why me?"

"Oh, that is a question I've heard people asking me about in the last few months," The blond admitted. "I guess it's one of the key queries someone can ask, especially when they are subjected to this... Invasion of mine."

Dio the Invader. Nice reference-

I tensed up once more, my eyes widening in shock at that revelation.

"Wha-"

"I wish to just relax right now. I've done your paperwork just because I need you to keep quiet and not harrass me."

"So you did this because-"

"I want peace. Now shut up."

...

...

He can't be serious now, can he?

"Why are you..."

"Resting away from my home dimension?" He finished that sentence for me. "Let's just say that I need time to think while I recover from recent events. Even a divine being like me needs some sleep from time to time."

...

"Okay?"

Dio looked surprised at that concession. "This... This is indeed the first time this phase ended so quickly. I've met various people, but you're perhaps the one that stands out the most about it. I've met a shipmaster traveling the Aegeus, a crazy Robot with a human soul, a boy with the eyes of a tired man, and the loyal knight of a queen without a fief."

"That sounds like you had a lot in your hands. What? Meddling with other timelines other than mine?"

The blond shrugged and kept quiet for a while.

I thought he was going to drop off from the conversation at that very point, but I was proven wrong when he yawned.

"You can say that and... I think I'm done napping."

My eyes narrowed at him, confusion flashing brightly from my stare as I tried to make sense of that response.

"But you didn't close your eyes even for a moment."

"You forget that Time is my domain, Bukharin. You should know. We all know that."

The ominous words kept me gawking, but when my sight was deprived of my unexpected guest after a mere blink, I knew that I had been hit with a case of 'Batman disappearance'.

And while I wanted to investigate the matter some more, I felt my head grow lighter as I finally allowed a yawn or two to leave my mouth. Tiredness dictated a power-nap, and I was in no position to say no.