Raiszadah's POV: Please Feed the Cat

In my dreams I could hear the voice of Qaana's child calling out to me. It was dim and bleak, I felt like I was drowning underwater at the bottom of the ocean while seeing blurry visions of a crying child call out to me. "It's dark and cold. I'm scared. I want to run away from this place but I can't... I want to end my life but they won't let me. They say I'm important but they lie! Someone please, anyone, save me. I hate this place. I'm losing my mind! Help me, please," the voice of a helpless child cried.

Heartbreakingly and miserably, the child wept knowing his fate was to live in this eternal hell. Much to my own frustration, I was merely an onlooker in this dream but I could see the terrible things being done to the pitiful child. It made me agitated and furious. As always, in dreams like this whenever I tried to save the child it would end in failure. Every time I reached out to him; I would wake up in a cold sweat before we could grab onto each other's hands. "What a pain..." I grumbled to myself.

"Honestly, I hope these nightmares stop soon", I sighed while throwing the blankets off my body and staring out the window. Like a lady, I tried to take a nap while I waited for Jahei to return but this left me feeling more irritable and anxious. After leaving Ejina Qi, we traveled through Alashanzuo Qi and made our way to the city of Yinchuan, the capital of Ningxia within a month. While searching for our target Jahei and I built a house on the outskirts of Yinchuan and hired some servants to establish our human identities.

Presently, I was Rai, a sickly fragile human girl in my teens who traveled with her adopted father Lord Jahei. For the sake of convenience, I was the daughter of a wealthy doctor and medical merchant who travelled across the country to find a cure for his daughter's illness. Our goal was to integrate within human society so we could blend in and figure out where Qaana's son was. It didn't take more than a week to get the information we needed so once we knew his location Jahei and I came up with a plan to save the boy.

Like all human schemes, using money seemed to be the fastest route so I sent Jahei to the brothel to buy the boy's freedom and help the other prostitutes as well. It didn't seem fair to only rescue the boy so we decided to help all of them to whatever extent was feasible. Bustling around the city and through the underground gossip channels, we found information about a shady brothel that was known for having beautiful young prostitutes.

My eyes twitched in disarray! "Disgusting perverts…!" I hissed in rage. I wanted to hurl at the thought of creepy old rich geezers paying money to abuse kids who were clearly bought and sold into slavery. What a bunch of sickos! Humans have such disgusting immortal practices; they should really cease these actions before I lop all their heads off! In my own little world, I was fuming away just thinking about it.

Obviously, brothels were already illegal but those scumbag baboons were bribing local bigwigs and killing anyone who went against them so they got away with their vulgar 'business'. Rumor has it, a powerful gang was running the show and this made matters complicated for the authorities. I however, gave not one rat's behind and decided it was best to secure the boy first then handle those barbaric morons later on once my main goal was accomplished.

Just you wait you disgusting roaches, I'll loop your heads off soon enough! As I waited for Jahei to finish preparing the money and carriages I grumbled about how I wanted to behead disgusting perverts and then got up to find my son. "Jahei! I'm bored~! And angry at stupid perverts! Are you ready? I left the money in the case; did you see it?" I was knocking on his bedroom door furiously until it opened suddenly.

"Rai… please close your mouth. We are not alone at the moment and it is unbecoming for a lady to act so brash in the presence of her father." Jahei immediately scolded me and quickly reminded me of the servants that could possibly hear us. Awkwardly, I flashed my son a fake smile and apologized for being so out of character.

Honestly, why do I have to act like some meek Chinese princess?! A woman should be wild and free like a tigress not a meek little mouse! Consumed by my thoughts, I began to pout at this roleplaying fiasco. In response to my sulking face, Jahei paid me no attention and grabbed the case of gold bars while adjusting his collar. "I'll be back within three hours, do not cause a scene or alarm the maids while I am gone. Is that clear Rai?" Jahei looked at me with his tired droopy scowling eyes before walking down the hall and towards the entrance.

"Hai hai, father. I'll shut my mouth and go to bed like a good little girl so, see you later~!" I waved weakly at him and he smirked before informing the maids of his departure and walking out the door. After he left, I went back into my bedroom and plopped myself on the bed. Everything was quiet again and I wasn't sure what to do about this. Should I sleep or eat? In all seriousness, I was feeling uneasy about many things.

First the dreams, then the sounds of heart beats and lastly, meeting the boy who started all of this chaos. It was as if the singing in my head finally shut up and died and that made me anxious too. It made me wonder if the boy was dead or just gave up? I was getting worried the more I thought about this. My mind was clearly off tonight and that wasn't helping a damn thing either! "Ughhh..." I moaned while rolling to my side.

Over the past few weeks, my son and I searched and wandered from one village to another while crossing various provinces to make our way to this current location. After busting our bums, we finally got word of the boy we were looking for and quickly run to see if the lead was true. But today is the day we actually confirm things, I guess. I just hope this isn't another dead-end mess. More than anything, I so badly wanted to seize the boy in my dreams and sort this mess out already!

There was only silence and dead ends to mock my attempts however. Really, such complicated situations irritated me! Knowing the one I was tirelessly searching for was finally within my reach made me happy but was it even the right person? These doubts left me with a bitter aftertaste and I kept yearning to know for sure if my actions were correct. At this point in my life, I didn't want to walk into another trap just to come back up with empty hands. I was getting really tired of that same old nonsensical routine of endless disappointments.

In any case, I wanted to beat the living day lights out of the swine who thought selling kids was a good idea! Those sick bastards! I was just itching to kick some butt after hearing about their misdeeds. With my mind in disarray, I continued to roll aimlessly in bed like a hyperactive cat who fell into a bucket of catnip. "I'm getting nowhere by doing this, maybe I'll get a snack," I whispered to myself and began munching on some dried fruit that was placed next to my bedside table. "Food always calms me," I stated as I stuffed my face with dried plums like a chubby squirrel.

As Jahei put it, letting my emotions get the better of me was not wise. After how I reacted to Qaana's death Jahei has been more precautious on letting me deal with humans on my own. For my own mental health, he kept me confined to this house as well. "He thinks I'm some over emotional old lady, doesn't he?" I asked myself knowing I obviously was a hot mess. Moreover, whenever I get too upset, I get violent too.

Mischievously, I chuckled while thinking how the last thing anyone needs is a manic like me who cannot control her temper going around picking fights with local gangsters. My brows tensed up as I thought about how my actions needed some discipline, knowing I was far too old to act this childish. "Indeed, it was the smart choice to let Jahei pick up the kid, he's way more diplomatic than I am," I sighed while eating a banana and slowly accumulating a rather large pile of fruit skins.

As it would seem, me trying to handle this nonsense on my own would be a huge mistake. In the end, I would just end up beating up everyone in plain sight and pissing off the old hags as usual. Imagine if I went charging into every nearby village brothel to slaughter everyone in my path? I bet that would be a riot!

Unhinged, I was laughing away just thinking about the idea of doing that but knowing fully well how foolish it would be. I already knew my way of doing things was not the wisest method to get the results I wanted, which is why I decided to sit my spicy buns down and wait like a good girl for once. Meanwhile, Jahei was my mediator who went to the brothel house to purchase the boy, in this way we can minimize the chaotic violence.

Though I must admit my greatest fear is not the scorn of other humans nor starting a circus by acting up. Rather, I did not want to look villainous in the eyes of the child I was attempting to save. Truly, I felt guilty about scaring Qaana's mom earlier on, which lead to her suicide and untimely death. Since that day, I've been kicking myself in the butt over my own stupid temper. "I really should watch it," I complained to myself while stuffing a lychee in my mouth.

When we left Ejina Qi I was depressed for two weeks and Jahei had to put up with my disastrous emotional state like always. I admit even now I am still upset but I am trying to keep my head above water for once. "Mama why couldn't you raise me to be stern and cold hearted like big sis?" I whined while berating myself for being so emotional and sensitive all the time.

Sitting on my bed reflecting on all my thoughts and recent events was getting me depressed all over again too. To make matters worse, I ran out of fruit too! My eyes watered at the sight of the empty fruit bowl and the pile of fruit skins in it. "Why?! You were my last hope too!" I cried like a starving kitten who just finished her last chicken drumstick.

"Lady Rai are you okay?" A slender young woman in her mid-20s asked me while knocking on the door. "Eh? Rui? Hah, yes I'm fine just the fruit bowl… its empty." I fumbled on my words rather embarrassingly with pathetic eyes ogling the bowl. Who cries over an empty fruit bowls?! OH MY GOD WHY AM I SO STUPID?! In my head I was obviously screaming in a dramatic fashion as I usually do and right now, I wanted to die in all seriousness because what the actual fish cakes was I even doing?!

My internal monologues continued while Rui stood by the door and cracked it open to check on me. Awkwardly, I hide my face in my hands and she walked over to the bedside table. "Umm, Lady Rai did you want more fruit? It's already dusk… and you had dinner but if you're still hungry I can bring you more fruit." Rui was scrambling to clean up the mess I made and trying to figure out how to nicely please my bottomless pit of a stomach.

"RUIIIIIIIIII!" I howled in tears and snot, much to her shock and confusion. "The fruit, it's gone, it's all gone because I ate it all..." I sniffled and pointed at the fruit bowl then at my full bloated stomach. It was painfully obvious to even the blindest of bats that Rui was trying her absolute hardest not to say anything stupid or laugh but it was clear as day that she wanted to do both.

"I've been in this room all evening and now I have no fruit. What should I do? I'm so bored and anxious and father is gone off to do god knows what! Rui, will you feed me some fruit? I demand the succulent juicy ones," I went on to spouting utter nonsense while making inappropriate hand gestures to describe the fruit I wanted to eat. In reality, despite my silliness I just didn't want to be alone with my thoughts anymore and her company was greatly welcomed.

"Ah- well my Lady I guess I can keep you company until your father comes home. And I'll go ask Granny Suyin to prepare some tasty fruits for you. She's still awake so you're in luck!" Rui quickly tried to pacify the situation and grabbed my fruit bowl to fetch new fruits from the kitchen. "Rui~ I love you! Thank you," I said while flashing my baby kitten eyes at her knowing full well that no one could resist my charms.

Come to think of it, it was nice having some women around for a change of pace. Rui and Granny Suyin felt like a ray of hope in my otherwise bleak existence. They were the new maids that I hired when settling into this placed. Rui, the young one cleans and does chores, and Suyin, the old lady cooks and tries to fatten me. A giggle came out of me from the thought of how cute Granny Suyin was for always trying to feed me more food. She was determined to make me a healthy, chubby girl. Poor thing doesn't know I can't grow at all! Even so, it was nice having their company because I didn't like being alone all the time. I hated being lonely more than anything else.

After much spacing out, I got lost in my own thoughts while Rui ran off to get more fruit. As I awaited her return, I jumped off the bed and walked over to the daybed beside the window sill to gaze up at the night sky. "Soon things will be less chaotic. I hope," I muttered words of reassurance to myself and stared out into the sky. It was yet another full moon tonight. Somehow this gave me hope and peace. The moon was always comforting to me.