Cathy - Butterflies in the Wild

If our population only had one gender I wonder how life would be. What was the purpose of having two genders that were complete opposites? Why did we place so much emphasis on finding mates? Was it really necessary to have a mate? If we were one gender and self-sufficient, if we could bear children all on our own, what would be the purpose of having mates? So many questions run through my mind and I could not find a single answer. I had never longed for a mate but I had been marked, bound irrevocably to someone.

The alpha had agreed to let me see my mate so I was at his house waiting for an escort to the prison where he was being kept. The escort was taking his sweet time so I had time to think. So I thought about that day: how my mate looked crazed but lonely at the same time, how he looked unhygienic as if he could not careless about how he looked. He had scared me, but he had perfectly reflected the wild. Before we started taming ourselves, before we started building houses and working for money, before we started blending into the human systems, I was sure we had been a wild species. A species that only focused on brute strength. If he had lived in that world, he would have thrived for sure.

‘Sorry to keep you waiting, the mate was being difficult.’ A voice said behind me. When I turned, I fully understood what he meant by his statement. Henry was the Alpha’s only son. He was three years younger than Jack, and two years older than me, that made him twenty three years old and he had grown up with his mate. He found her when he was three years old, crazy. His mate had been born to his mother’s childhood friend. From the moment he met her, he says he had been drawn to protect her, although I would never trust the memories of a three year old. Truth remained that they grew up together, they annoyed the pack together, and I doubted if anyone could boast about a bond as strong as theirs. It was truly a beautiful one. If he said that his mate was being difficult, it meant something dirty so I would not ask.

‘Hello, Henry’ I addressed him. ‘I did not know that you were the escort I was waiting for.’

‘I volunteered. I haven’t seen you in a while after all.’ He said while beckoning me to follow him. We were family friends, until five years ago we used to hold family celebrations together, our family and theirs. Our fathers had been best friends, our mothers got along so well. Growing up felt like having two homes, mothers, fathers and a huge family. It was annoying yet beautiful. It had been bliss.

‘Still this is not your job.’ I said and he stopped. ‘No ulterior motives?’ I asked

‘The people that rush to protect you don’t do you justice, Cathy. You’re the sharpest person I’ve met.’ He replied.

‘Checking out the new competition then.’ I said and he nodded his head. ‘I refuse to be drawn into that chaos, so I will ignore it.’ I said. I could feel that he had more to say on that but luckily he let it go.

‘I really missed you though, I truly wanted to see you.’ He said and put his arm around me to hug me from the side. I believed him. So I told him that I missed him too. I truly did. I asked about his mate Valery and his daughter. They were doing fine according to him, the baby had just turned ten months old the week before. I made a mental note to go play with her some time.

It took about five minutes to reach the prison. Now that I was here, I started wondering if I really wanted to see him. What would I even say? My feet could not enter through the doors. But I felt henry’s hand on my back, not pushing me forward, just supporting me.

‘He won’t hurt you. He has been chained to his chair. I’ll be right next to you the whole time. You can do it’ he kept saying to encourage me. So I went forward, letting him guide me through the small facility to the room my mate was in. This time I did not hesitate. I could feel him.

The room had two chairs, he was chained to one. The other chair was directly opposite to his. The room had a tiny window close to the roof and no other source of light so it dark but still I could see the bruises on him. He had been beaten too much. I suddenly found my heart aching, he was in pain. The ventilation was trash as well, but that only meant that his scent had saturated the space. Beneath the scent of the blood and the dirt and the mess, I could pinpoint his scent. This must be what it felt like having a mate, their scent calmed you down.

It did something else to me, I convinced me that he would not hurt me.

He looked up when I entered, straightened out his shoulders as if to show me that he was still strong. His eyes locked on mine and they widened. His breathing became deeper. I could tell that he was as confused as I was. Then he made a sudden movement, testing how strong the chains were. It spurred Henry to move to my side and look around as if expecting him to break free.

‘Those won’t come off,’ said Henry ‘Either you behave or I take her away.’

My mate never took his eyes off me the whole time. He was waiting for me to do something. I will never understand how men think nor did I want to. I just wanted to get done with this.

I went and sat on the chair, removed the black scarf and put it on my lap. I heard his intake of breath at that. I would not say anything, I did not know what to say.

‘I,’ he started. His voice too low that I would have thought I had imagined it if I had not seen his mouth moving. ‘Does it hurt?’ he asked

Yes, it hurt! That is what I wanted to say. It hurt so much, why did you do that? That is what I wanted to say yet only tears came. I felt pathetic.

He watched me cry, Henry watched me cry. I cried and I could not control myself. I had no idea why I was crying. I was not a cry baby. However in this room with Henry and my mate I felt like I could be anything and I could trust that I would leave that trait here. I could cry or curse, that would be left here. No one would find out. And the two men let me cry to my heart’s content.

‘I am so sorry.’ He said my tears had stopped and my sobs had turned into hiccups.

‘Why did you do that?’ I asked, my voice was so hoarse.

‘I don’t want to make excuses for my actions.’ He said. Then looked at his bound feet.

‘Well you took away my choice by marking me, so I am taking away your choice as well. I will not allow you to leave my questions unanswered.’ I said. I was tired, I did not want to be here but even so, his mark made me feel like I had no better place to be than here.

‘Even if the answer will seem like an excuse?’ he asked

‘Even so, let me be the judge.’ I answered. He took a deep breath before replying

‘You are truly beautiful, I never imagined that I would be mated to a woman as beautiful as you.’ His words were slow, deliberate. They were meant to calm me down and I could feel it. I did not reply to that compliment even though I felt that he truly meant them. I did not reply but my body did. I relaxed my whole posture, my hand went to tuck my hair behind my ear, my cheeks felt warm and my heart danced in my chest as if it was trying to get out. He was not playing fair.

‘My name is Ethan. If I never see you again I would at least want to know your name, mate.’ He said

Ethan. So it was Ethan. The pure joy I felt from know that bit of information was irrational.

‘Cathy.’ I replied. He kept repeating it over and over like a mantra, all the while smiling to himself. I thought he was surely losing his mind when his voice broke, and I saw tears flowing from his eyes. This hurt.

Ethan was crying, I had no idea why and it hurt. I wanted to comfort him but the moment I made a move to get up and go to him, Henry stopped me. I had even forgotten that he was in the room with me. So I too waited for him to calm down.

‘I was not in control that day.’ He begun, ‘I had been alone for so long that I did not once consider finding a mate. When I smelled your scent I lost it. I had been in a wold form for close to a month so I was really close to a wold than a man. When I saw you, I thought you were an illusion, that you would disappear.’ He stopped and took in a shaky breath, ‘That was instinct. I marked you on instinct. When I realised what I had done I could not forgive myself.’ He said and closed his eyes as if holding back more tears from flowing.

It did sound like an excuse but I had received my answers so I let it go.

‘I hope you do not expect me to stay with you simply because I bear your mark.’ I said.

‘I do not. But that mark will help me get on your good side, it sounds selfish but I need you Cathy.’ He said with his eyes closed still. Then he opened them and looked me in the eyes, ‘If I make it out of here, I will pursue you.’

Instinct, he was acting purely on instinct and I could tell. Yet at that time all his words pleased me. I was angry that he had put me through pain but the thought of him pursuing me excited me. If he did it, surely he would do it the way the old wolves used to. Surely this excitement was the influence of the mark.

So I got up and left the room, I did not want to dwell on it nor did I want to talk to him anymore. I was confused.

Henry escorted me all the way home. Along the way I had asked him about his new competition as he put it.

‘Ethan might compete in the fights since he is mated to you but doesn’t have an Alpha, if he had one, we would have expected you to be taken to his pack. But since he has none, he has to stay here. And you know how the hierarchy here works.’ He said.

I knew. It was an age old tradition. Everyone fought for their rank, even the Alpha. And the fights were only three months away. If Ethan wanted to stay with me, he had to fight for a spot here. Assimilating a man into a pack was hard, men love being in a position of power. As such the new males in a pack would instinctively challenge others to get their ranks, most ended up dead. This pack was an exception. Nothing was set in stone so Ethan could fight alongside everyone else without risking his life too much.

‘I hope you do not underestimate him.’ I said to henry and bid him farewell the moment we reached my home. I needed to be alone and recharge.