23. Enter the Lioness

From the gloom of the building, a pair of legs emerged. Long, creamy, and completely decided on where they were going. Their mistress, in no particular hurry (but not dawdling either) makes her way down the front steps, across the sidewalk, and off the school campus. There, the girl sniggers. Easy as pie.

So much for a doctor's appointment. So much for an appointment at all.

Who did they think she was, some dummy for old fogeys to probe around with? Idiots. The girl turns right and continues towards town, where some people she knows will be waiting. It's not her native town, but her family moved out after… how to put it?... an unfortunate event. Yes. A few years ago, they'd been forced from the quietness of their village, into a more urban environment. Not that this bothered her. If anything, more cities meant more in-crowd, and more in-crowd meant beef. Oh, how she liked to sink her teeth into a juicy bit of beef!

As the houses grow denser and shopping outlets larger, the mistress decides to take full advantage of her assets. Skirt gets hitched, even higher than it had been at school. Making sure anyone who was able to resist those legs before, would now find themselves inadvertently drawn in. Her hair, a wild reddish mane, shaken loose at just the right timing. These efforts don't go unrewarded. The girl knows how to make heads turn, and today is no exception. Bag swinging by her side, she makes the final crossing before entering one of these outlets in question, This is where her friends planned to meet up.

How foolish those adults were, thinking they could chain a young fury to a desk when the world was out there, passing by. How easy it was to trick them, by giving an equally stupid reason as to why she had to leave early! What's more, they'd never even find out. Not her parents, not the teachers. No one. They were too good at this game by now to let their tracks go uncovered. Now, the coast was clear. So no holding back. The only thing left to do was make a scene.

Elena-Yumiko sat in her bedroom, biting her pen. Saffron was supposed to have turned up an hour ago, although she was honestly losing faith in that girl's reliability anyway. Over the past year or so, their friendship had only gone downhill.

In the beginning, everything had been different. Elena still remembered the day clearly, back as their twelve-year-old selves. When the teacher first brought Saffron into their class, with her dark eyes and tangled hair. And Elena, who was naturally perceptive, remembered the first words that sprang to mind: scarred. She didn't know what provoked that thought, or why it stuck with her to this day. Except it had, and there was no changing the past.

Nobody took much of a liking to Miss Schneider. Perhaps because she never made much of an effort to be friendly to them, or maybe… she didn't know.

Elena couldn't bear the thought of anyone being sad or alone, so she took it upon herself to befriend this new, mysterious student. Saffron was a bit of a clam, back in the day, not wanting to share her feelings with anyone (Elena wished she could say the same about her now!) But she knew that no matter how well it was hidden, everyone had a side to them that wanted loving and comforting. So she didn't give up. She kept herself open-minded towards Saffron until… well, the shell cracked open. The details of their friendship after, she couldn't remember as well, save for a few funny and strange moments. All she knew was that underneath the surface, that seemed angry at everyone and everything, there was a person actually worth talking to.

The girls got to know each other well. They met often, in school and out, at home or in town. The thing that made it extra special, was that neither of them had any other proper friends. Saffron, because she was still relatively new and didn't make the effort to meet new people, and Elena… well, most people seemed to like her and had no problem talking to her when need be, but when it came to developing a serious relationship… Nobody wanted to know. No matter how many times she tried to mix with peers, agemates and people at taekwondo club, not one of them ever showed an interest in taking the friendship further. That was until Saffron came along. With the arrival of a new student came the chance for a fresh start, so Elena grabbed it. And the decision, it turned out, wasn't a bad one. Both girls benefited, regardless of how different they were as people. Because, even in their closest of moments, there was a side to Saffron she simply couldn't understand. For example, they might be having an honest conversation on the people they knew or about life, and sometimes… sometimes Saffron would come out with something so hateful, it made Elena wonder what she saw in her at all. She thought that with time, Saffron might settle down and start enjoying life a bit more. Unfortunately, she was wrong.

Instead of the clam coming out to reveal a bright, beautiful person, it was more like a beast being let off the leash. Whatever negativity had been building up since the day she moved into town, it was now starting to show itself. Elena would never know what exactly triggered off these changes -probably some kind of upheaval in the girl's private life. Whatever the case, Saffron had gone from talking to nobody, to trying to chat with everybody. At once. And she wasn't even being that nice to them, at least, not sincerely. In no time at all, she had herself involved with a gang of… let's just say, people who didn't always play by the rules. Elena didn't understand. Why did she, a kind, honest girl, whose drive was only to help others, have so much trouble with friendship; whilst some back-stabber such as Saffron gets hooked in just like that? Not to be horrible to her mate, but simply facing up to the truth as she saw it: Saffron could say one thing to a person's face, and a completely different thing behind their back. Unless she was really angry, in which case she'd throw out every bit of toxicity and insults she could muster, right in someone's nose. Elena no longer knew what kept them together after that point, why they bothered to hang out at all.

Since Saffron began to spend considerably more time with her new social group, their meetings were becoming more out of habit, than from actually wanting to be together. Once, Elena offered to do Saffron's homework because she could see how much she was struggling with it. Nowadays, it was because Saffron was too lazy to do the work herself. The weekly routine was set: I dump my work off with you, you complete it, I go bugger off with my new mates. Simple.

Saffron thought she was being so clever, coming up with excuses like you do the brainy stuff for both of us because that's what you're good at, and I do the fashion and going out part for us because that's what I'm good at. When in reality, both knew full well that Elena needed advice on beauty about as much as she needed a manual on how to live in a fishtank (no offence to fish, of course). And regardless of what Saffron might think, Elena knew full well she was being exploited. But what could she do about it? Before, she was the kind of person who didn't know ho to say no to someone, just didn't have the capacity for it. She'd learnt to overcome that, eventually, but her friendship with Saffron was like holy ground. She'd simply taken the work and filled it in, like the good Samaritan she was. But it was clear now their relationship would never go back to the way it was. And it was coming to a point where Elena had to realize, there was a limit to the amount of kindness even she could give. So she spat out her pen, letting it bounce on the unmarked Chemistry sheets below. Saffron wasn't getting her homework handed back to her. Not today, not ever.

And if she didn't even have the decency to turn up on time anymore… So much for her trying.

With a sniff, Elena-Yumiko left the sheets where they were on the carpet and went downstairs to make her grandparents some tea.

The lioness returns from the day's hunt in a good mood.

As for now, with the daylight drawing to an end, she would pay a visit to her last and juiciest prey of all. The only difference being, she had no intent of hurting this one. This one, she'd keep, even if it was more as a pet than anything else. It provided her with benefits and entertainment at the same time.

Feeling satisfied, the lioness knocks on the door. It takes longer to open than what she's used to, but no worries, that's no loss. Then when it does, and the friendly face comes into view, she gives the toothiest smile she can manage. "Hey Els, how you doing?"

Elena frowned. Although she loathed any kind of lie, there were better ways of greeting someone than saying sorry, I'm having second thoughts about you.

"I'm fine, thanks. How are you?"

"Just marvelous," she stepped in, no need to wait for an invitation. "Done the homework?"

Ah. So now for the tricky part. Still, how polite, to wander about town all day having fun, then expect favours done the moment you get back! No, she can wait and learn a little respect first.

Elena fought the urge to roll her eyes, but eventually led Saffron to her room "Come, see for yourself."

Why, though? Elena couldn't help but question herself. Why did I put up with this for so long, when I knew it was doomed to fall apart?

It was only once they went upstairs that she realized she was not prepared for this. Elena herself had never been the victim of one of Saffron's rants, but she had witnessed one too many, to know how bad they could get. How hurtful she could be, even to her parents, occasionally.

Well, she supposed she'd just have to take whatever came. Besides, she'd been a doormat for too long, so this was good training.

Don't be a doormat.

In her room, it didn't take Saffron long to notice the two pages laying slap-bang in the middle of her carpet. Or the fact they were blank.

"Um, where's mine?" she frowned, prodding them with her foot.

Elena folded her arms, looking out her window to avoid eye contact. "It is yours."

"What, this?"

"Uh huh."

Saffron turned her gaze to Elena, but she still wouldn't meet it. "But, this hasn't been touched."

Elena shrugged. "I know."

"Then…" Saffron had the expression of some intrepid mathematician who just couldn't seem to find the solution to a problem "Then what have you been doing all afternoon?"

That's what I keep meaning to ask you, she wanted to say. "I do my work, help my grandparents around the house, then get ready for taekwondo. All the usual stuff."

"What, so my work doesn't come into that anymore? This is supposed to be our agreement, Els."

Elena sighed. She could feel those eyes boring into her, and they weren't exactly comforting. This was it. The plunge would have to be taken, 3..2..1.. now. "Maybe it was our agreement a few years ago, but things have changed since. So we have to change with it, or else it's not fair." Oh God, it was out now. Oh God.

"What do you mean, not fair? Of course its fair!! You do the schoolwork, and in return, I help you with the social world and how to look good and stuff."

"Yes, you say that. But you don't do it."

"Huh?"

She didn't repeat herself.

Saffron huffed out loud, trying to get Elena to face her. "For starters, look at who you're talking to. It's good conduct."

At first, Elena wanted to resist, but then… Don't be a doormat. For the sake of one extra freedom, she'd have to go through the trouble. So she met Saffron's eyes, and was surprized to find her friend was indeed taken aback by this sudden bravery.

"Don't give me that," Saffron went on "I would help, if you actually let me. But you're always doing this or doing that, or you don't wear make-up. What am I supposed to do? Sit at home and do the same? Sorry, girl, but my thing is going out and having a laugh with people. I can't help if you don't like that. So if you prefer quiet things at home, what's the problem?"

"Can't say I like doing other people's work…"

"Well sor-ree, that I don't know exactly what Ele-Yumi likes to do in her spare time. You've been doing so much work over the years, I thought it was your favourite hobby in the world!"

Elena couldn't help notice the over-dramatic way Saffron was throwing her hands in the air. Surely it was obvious no normal person would enjoy two lots of the same task, week after week after week? She wasn't expecting things to turn out like this. She had been waiting for a row. In some ways, this made things easier. In others, it was only harder. "Why are you saying that?" she asked glumly.

"That was the only impression you ever gave!"

"Look…" How was it that Saffron always managed to make the other person feel guilty, even with such piss-poor excuses? They didn't even make sense, for goodness' sake! "What I'm saying is… I'm not your servant anymore. And I'm definitely not here just as free labour service while you go out having fun with other people. Friendship doesn't work that way. It has to come from both sides!"

Saffron's eyes looked close to popping out. "What would you know about friendship?"

Oof. Now that hurt. If Saffron was a marksman, she certainly knew where to aim.

"But- but that's obvious," Elena said incredulously. "Even kids know what's fair and what's cheating!"

"Cheating? We've been going each other's houses all these years, hanging out, and you call that cheating?"

"You know what it means!"

She stilled, that quiet anger flaring. "I shall remember this."

"Good! Remember it. Dream of it. Write it down in your diary, if you have to." Gosh, where were these words coming from? "Do whatever, but from now on, any homework you get can be done yourself. I'm done with it."

Saffron picked up the offending sheets and held them out, disbelieving. "So you're not doing these for me?"

A gulp. "No."

They were scrunched together into a paper ball. "Then neither am I."

She gave Elena a slightly defiant look, before swishing through the doorway.

Elena felt some dampness rise behind her eyes, but was afraid to let it show. "Saffy… I thought we were more than this."

She stopped. "More than what?"

She shrugged. "I thought… When you first came into our class, I saw you as an interesting person and wanted to get to know you, even if no one else did. And I thought you felt similar about me."

"You made friends with me because you could see I was as lonely as you were, so that made me an easy target."

Elena was shocked. It was one thing to fire random insults, but this… "Is that what you really think I'm like?"

"Isn't that what everyone's like, though, on the inside?"

What a sour lemon way to view people, and unexpected, even from Saffron. Still, she couldn't agree, even just from going by personal experience. There were people out there who enjoyed giving for the sake of giving. She knew some like that. She was like that.

"Right," she said eventually. "I understand now. Go on, then. Off you go. Spend as much time with your real friends as you want. I won't hold you back anymore, pretending we mean something to each other. Be free of me."

"Free of you?" Saffron said with uncanny interest.

"Yes." Elena thought she'd say more. Some kind of farewell or even a thank you for all the good times they shared. But then that strange sparkle returned to Saffron's eyes, reminding Elena that she'd never, ever truly be able to uncover what was on the girl's mind. Saffron gave a sly, almost grateful smile -before dashing down the stairs, never to set foot in the house again. Elena heard the rustles downstairs, the swish and final slam of the door. Then silence.

Never in her life had anything happened so… fast. As if Saffron hadn't been here, in her house, or life, at all. In all honesty, she'd expected much more of a scandal. By Saffron's standards, that was pretty lenient. Then again, Elena had never done anything to upset her before, at any point. Probably because she was so easy-going and tolerant of all people, but if there was one thing today had taught her, it was that sometimes, standing up for yourself was a worthwhile cause.

Dumbstruck, she slowly brought her eyes down to the crumpled sheets still littering the floor. The only proof this had happened at all. And even though it was obvious it wasn't working, had never worked from the start -she still felt an emptiness open up inside. Even in her earlier teen years, when she'd joined high school and had trouble finding people to talk to, there hadn't been the same emptiness as there was now. It would take something special to fill it, that was for sure. In any case, there was no point mourning now. No one had asked her to blurt out those things. She was the one to start pouring out all the woes that had built up in her heart, to provoke the scandal. If she had kept her mouth shut…

Don't be a doormat.

No, this had been inevitable right from the start. So why mourn? No need to mourn at all, after what she'd sacrificed for this freedom. She may as well use it.

So, with a sigh, Elena-Yumiko let that door shut in her life. She was going downstairs in search of answers.

Her grandparents were the only family she had. With her parents gone before their time, and aunties and uncles spread out in God-knew what corners of the world, Elena learnt pretty early on to appreciate what she had. At this moment in time, these grandparents were sitting comfortably in their country-style lounge, classical music adding to the background. Despite their years, the pair had stuck together. Through thick and thin. And they were getting to the stage where they had to rely on Elena more and more to complete their daily tasks. Often, they suggested hiring a proper carer, instead of forcing a sixteen-year-old to take on so much responsibility, but Elena wouldn't hear of it. What, and take what little pension you have left, when there's an a fully able-bodied granddaughter in the house? Eventually, they gave up.

Elena didn't mind housework. Not after everything her grandparents had done for her as a small child. One of the things she respected most about them was after everything they'd been through, after the passion had run out and excitement was over, they were still happy to just sit here and talk to each other. Just talk. Without getting on each other's nerves. It was far from every couple who could keep their love going for so long, not a single divorce for either of them. Why couldn't all people just calm down and get on with each other?

The other reason she respected them for was their wisdom. No matter what Elena was having to deal with, what situation she was going through -her grandparents always had some piece of advice on the tip of their tongues. And she trusted their judgment, because they'd never let her down yet. And now, she was going to ask them something that had been bothering her for a long time, but she had never found the right words for before. But today, it seemed she was learning how to speak for the second time.

Coming into the front room, Elena beamed at Gramps and Grans and they smiled back.

"Hello, Yumi," Grans spoke. "Aren't you meant to be upstairs with your friend?"

Yumiko. The name her late mother had chosen, to add to her first one. She had not been Japanese herself, but had visited the country once -and the impressions stuck for a lifetime. She fell in love with the culture, the blooming sakura, and dreamed of saving up to return at least once more. She never did. That left only the woman's child, Elena-Yumiko, to continue living out that hope. Or 'bright, dream child,' as that would sound in English.

Ah. How to explain. "No, she had to leave," Elena said as casually as possible.

Gramps looked thoughtful. "What, so early?"

She nodded.

The elderly pair exchanged glances. As if they were conspirators, knowing something she didn't. "You know, Grans and I have been thinking, your friendship's a bit one-sided lately, isn't it?"

What, her grandparents had noticed something amiss before she had -and hadn't told her about it?

"In a way?" Elena began tentatively.

"Well, you know, you two sit up in the bedroom helping with each other's work. Actually, it's you that helps Saffron most of the time, since your grades are always high. But as soon as that's done, she doesn't spend all that much time with you, does she? Has that occurred to you before? What Saffron does for you?"

She started to shift from foot to foot. "Actually, I have thought."

"And what do you think?" Grans' eyes sparkled behind her glasses.

"Well… I think you're right."

Again, glances were exchanged.

"Told you she's clever," Gramps nudged his partner, and they broke out into chuckles.

"Come and give us a cuddle, then!" Grans opened her arms for Elena to fall into. There certainly wasn't anything frail about her hugs. And tell us all about it, she didn't need to add. She could tell Elena was about to pour everything out anyway.

"I told Saffron what I think of her today," sure enough, she decided to say "And found out what she thinks of people as well…" She wasn't about to explain how sour lemon Saffron really was. Not just yet. "But the thing is, you are right. You've been right all along. It's only me who took so long to see things for what they really are, and even longer to say it out loud."

The hugs got tighter. "We knew you'd get there in the end. Us two didn't want to butt in, but rather, we said, give her time and she'll figure things out for herself. And now you have. So, congratulations, young lady! This is all a part of growing up."

Elena laughed, at least a little relief always came from sharing with the elders, and bringing the old to an end.

"Make yourself open to new friends now," Gramps added his bit.

Elena then pulled back, remembering she had come here to talk about a different question entirely. "Actually, I wanted to ask something else."

"Oh yes?"

She bit her lip, thinking. "This may sound strange, but… I've been wondering this for a long time. Why so many people in my class, especially the older half, why they act so… so…" she paused, suddenly feeling awkward. "Like they don't care. About anyone, or anything. They don't care how they behave, how they treat others, saying nasty things about them or being public pests. And the thing is… they always get away with it. Literally, even when a teacher or social worker gives them a warning, next day, everything will be back the way it was. Or worse. And what's worst of all …they're popular. Really, I don't get it at all. No matter how many times they hurt people or be horrible to them -to their face or backs -everyone still thinks they're so cool and wants to hang out with them. How can people like that have so many friends?" And people like me have none? she thought sulkily.

Both grandparents thought long and deeply. Eventually, it was Grans who answered first. "I can see where you're coming from. Because from a logical point of view, why would someone be drawn more to negativity than to happiness? In an ideal world, it doesn't make sense. Only we don't live in an ideal world, and teenagers have a different mindset to us adults anyway, which makes it difficult to understand each other even when we try. That's why there can't be just one answer to why your age-mates behave the way they do. It's down to a lot of things -genes, upbringing, events in their lives. And how people react to them differently."

Of course, it was a stupidly obvious thing to ask in the first place. Elena was about to tell them to forget it, when Gramps continued. "Still, there is another version too, which a lot of people were talking about around the time you were born. Ninety-six, wasn't it? Now, I'm not saying I totally believe in this theory, but I think it might be worth a mention now. Have you ever heard of the 'Bad Generation?'"

Elena looked upwards. "Well, sort of. I've heard people mention things like that before."

"So you know about it. As I said, it's only conspiracy theory, but it was a big thing back when you were small. As the story goes, there was some kind of minor nuclear leak from the Axwood plant, November or December of only the previous year. Nothing overly serious, but people were going crazy. They were worried the radiation would cause deformities in unborn children or cause them to be born much earlier than they should have done. Who knows? Maybe things did happen. I'd have a hard time believing all the premature births that were recorded were down to coincidence alone. And the dates they happened on were too close together, and seemed to be in a radius around Axwood as well. That's what the news reporters said anyway. You, thankfully, was born a few months after the danger period was over, so I think you were safe from whatever was going on. Then people started talking about how scientists did extensive research on these children when they were tots, as well as how they grew up. I don't know that much myself, but there's probably some kernel of truth in it. These things do affect the way we behave and biological processes, too. Studies said that these children were prone to misbehavior, probably to this very day. I just don't think it was as serious as most people made out." When Gramps finished, all was quiet. Everyone, it seemed, had something to contemplate.

Finally, Elena opened her mouth. "That's really… interesting." It was. Such a theory had never crossed her mind before, but the way Gramps explained it… Everything made sense. Down to the last detail. 'Bad Generation.' She'd heard that term used before, mostly by adults. Mostly referring to her age group, her class. Elena often wondered why it was the older half of her class, in particular, who were more drawn towards gang culture and causing trouble. Well, here was the answer! As for those who hadn't been directly affected by the radiation, no doubt they'd picked up bad habits from the others, in an effort to fit in. Because for some reason, people couldn't help their herd mentality. It just seemed to be a part of who they were.

"You're welcome," Gramps smiled back. "I hope that answers whatever was bothering you."

Elena nodded "Oh definitely. Thank you very much!" She kissed them both, then stepped back.

"No need," Grans said "That's what families are for."

She nodded again, for she couldn't help counting her blessings every day. I still have my family. We're all alive and well. We love, respect and help each other. We have enough money to get by. I get good grades. I'm fit enough to do my sport. We live in a peaceful country. There were still a few issues needing sorting, like getting some more friends and securing that Summer volunteering placement. But then, what would be the point of living without problems? Though Elena knew full-well that the world was packed with them, and not everyone was coping. And as good as it felt to help out here and there, do a spot of charity work, keep up the good vibes -occasionally, a deep, sorrowful ache would tell her it wasn't enough. She alone couldn't put a roof over everyone's head. Couldn't save all the polar bears from a watery death. Even with these movements growing and more and more people joining a cause each day, somehow, it didn't seem enough. Whenever Elena was reminded of this, it hurt. About as bad as Saffron had hurt her today. But whatever happened, she could only hope for the best… and secretly wish she could do more.

Saffron Schneider returned home in a distinctly worse mood than when she'd gone to Elena's an hour earlier. What a turn of events! How cunningly deceitful! Ele-Yumi used to be as good as gold in every sense -what happened?

Although it was amusing to see the girl had finally grown a backbone, there was still the issue of homework and who would do it. Or should she just inform her teachers she was no longer prepared to do it. After all, last time they'd had a problem (regarding the length of her skirt) she made sure they got the message pretty quickly. None of them commented much on it again. But what made Ele-Yumi react so violently all of a sudden? In the four or more years they'd been friends, Saffron had not heard a word of backchat from her. Not that she could remember. So something must have really shaken Ele-Yumi for her to come out with that heartfelt speech.

Perhaps it was better for both of them. Saffron, for one, was tired of pretending the things they talked about still interested her, when she had a whole host of badass mates who'd say and do whatever they damn well pleased. And where Ele-Yumi was concerned, she could now use her free time to do whatever she wanted, rather than waste it on double homework from a snake like her. Plus, if Ele-Yumi didn't want to uphold her end of the bargain, that was fine. Saffron had offered on many occasions advice on how to dress well, apply make-up or attract whatever person she had in mind. Which she refused, every time. Ele-Yumi wasn't interested in those things. Ele-Yumi was interested in charities, books and martial arts. How, you ask, was one supposed to offer back their own talents in a situation like that?

True friendship, however, wasn't a bargain. Even Saffron realized that. So she was in no hurry to fix something that was cracked in the first place. Let them both enjoy this freedom in their own way. Having calmed herself down, Saffron waltzed into the kitchen to grab a snack. Her parents would be back quite soon, so they better not see her pinching the chips. Carys had got back into her administrative job at the golf course, after two years maternity leave, while Rick stayed put in his job at a building contractor firm. Saffron liked to make herself out as a health and vitality queen, all smoothies and low-fat yoghurt, when really she could down a burger and fries and still look stunning the next day. Result.

The fact she was stunning Saffron knew, and did not even try to hide. She'd inherited a thicker, wavier and more vibrant version of her mother's auburn hair, which she'd grown out just past her waist. She was also lucky enough to own a healthy, peachy complexion, smooth and blemish-free. No spots. No characteristic teen blackheads. Zilch. A blessing indeed.

She made sure to wax regularly, so that the smoothness of her perfectly-proportioned face could also be said about the rest of her body. That was perhaps the main reason she'd defied the teachers who asked her to pull her skirt down. Because what was the point in having a fantastic body, if someone was constantly ordering you to hide it away? And since she had to spend a large proportion of her time in this dumb institution, she may as well look good. Well, not just good. The best.

The only thing Saffron's parents couldn't explain were her eyes. Both Rick's and Carys' were blue, as were most of the other members in their immediate family. Hers were virtually black. None of them could understand where such a trait could have come from, but nonetheless, they got used to it. Just like they got used to her firy temper. No one in the family was quite as stubborn as Saffron. No one knew how to argue out their viewpoint to their last breath. The closest to compete with her was Grandfather Schneider, who was brought up on a sterner version of discipline. The one who lived in Germany, who was unwilling to come visit them in Canada with his wife. Meaning Rick, Carys and Saffron had to visit them. They used to spend about two weeks per year in Dresden, during the Christmas or New Year period. They thought it was the most exciting time of year to go, for their young daughter, what with the festivities and traditional markets. They didn't anticipate Saffron having other ideas. After the girl's sixth trip abroad (that made her seven years of age) the family reduced their trips to Germany to an average of once every three years. And not at Christmas time. Never at Christmas time.

Now, at the age of sixteen, there was no stopping the rebel from doing whatever she wanted. Just as Saffron was nearing the bottom of the chilli Doritos, she heard the twist of a door handle out front. Mom was here. Mom always arrived about half an hour before dad, apart from when she did yoga on a Tuesday evening -the one time she didn't have to think of anything and could truly be herself.

"Back already?" she chirped, noticing the door was unlocked "Thought you said you were round Elena's tonight."

Lazily pushing herself from the work surface, Saffron wandered into the hallway. "Yeah, I've been. And I've gone."

Carys shuffled past to their front room, dropping bags on the settee. "Can't have stayed long."

"Two hours, mom. I went there straight after school."

She shrugged. "I don't know. You're just not usually back before me from your friend's."

Saffron merely sniffed, then padded towards her room. She'd put the chips back in the cupboard, as if they were never touched.

Carys, meanwhile, was preparing to unwind in front of the telly. Had you been there to see her before she became pregnant, you wouldn't have thought it was the same person. Not at first glance, in any case. She had aged noticeably these past sixteen years. Easy-going woman had become worn out mother. The tiredness wouldn't go away, no matter how many good night sleeps she gained or coffees she drank. Her rich hair colour faded, making way for grey strands. And her body, not quite as elastic as it used to be, was slowly, slowly beginning to sag… If it wasn't for yoga, she'd look like a sack. Joining a class had been a long-term ambition for Carys, because she was either too busy (child, husband, work) or kept forgetting. Until finally, on one beautiful day, Carys realized if she didn't find something to do purely for herself, she would most likely fall to pieces. She certainly relied on it, with the stresses of everyday life. Number one: her daughter, who had been more than a handful since the day she was born. Before, even. Number two: a bit of a mid-life crisis, really. She secured a career, easy enough, she secured a family, but now… sometimes it felt something was missing. An adventure abroad, perhaps, or a new goal to aim for. Life seemed to be lacking in passion, lately. And number three… Number three was far too complicated for Carys to get her head around, let alone explain. It was like… like she'd developed some sort of mental disorder, shortly after her mother died. No, earlier. She thought back to the times Saffron was very young, barely out of the incubator. She'd had that… that… mania of being followed. Gosh, that was right. It had become very bad at one point. Very bad. Thank goodness that one wore off! Even if the problems that followed were hardly better… In fact, the mania, seemed to have ended on that fateful night. It had been as if her subconscious had tried to tell her of the impending bereavement, or other possible events that could have been. Yet still she'd ignored the warning, going dozens of miles up the road to see a daft show, like a complete idiot-

Carys had to swallow. She couldn't handle going over a subject like this now. Not after a tiring day at work. Only these things haunted her, whether she knew it or not.

After the fateful night, everything had changed. It took her ages to come to terms with the fact, days to acknowledge, years to accept. She didn't believe her life could have been more shaken if it had been mashed up and put in a blender. That night left her alone, no mother, no father. No helping hand. No shoulder to lean upon when she wanted to feel like a little girl again. Now, she had to take on the full responsibility to a girl of her own, be the hand, the shoulder and more.

Her mother shouldn't have gone that early. She was not even that old, or weak or frail…

But it was more than just the death that had shaken Carys. Both she and Saffron had changed, in ways she couldn't explain. She remembered the way her baby sat up in bed. That horribly, horribly creepy moment. When those eyes shone out at her like a beacon of darkness. Her eyes stayed like that ever since.

They used to be some other colour, Carys couldn't remember which. She assured herself that many babies' eyes changed colours after the first few months, but still, at times, the blackness was unnerving. Saffron wasn't quite the same after that night. She cried a lot less frequently than before, which Carys didn't know if she should celebrate or seek medical advice for. But when she did, heck, there was more temper to it. Even worse, were the moments just before she exploded. Right from being a tiny child, Saffron had a strange tendency to look at you -really damn bore holes into you -before she went off and did something naughty. Whether that be in secret or upfront. Like the calm before a storm. Carys found these looks terrifying. She knew it was wrong, knew there was no reason to be scared of her own child, yet still she couldn't help it. Whenever it happened, Saffron's eyes seemed to turn into coals, like they had on that night, as if there was something much, much older and darker and malicious, just waiting to come out. Then it would. She'd go out and do something radical, put up a fight, or worse. That, Carys realized, was her problem number three. Ever since that death, she lost whatever mental stability she had. She'd become a panicker, a worrier. Her skin would sweat and hands would shake at the slightest signs of danger -be it real or imagined.

Worst of all were the memories.

Carys had absolutely no control over those, as they would be triggered off by seemingly random objects or events. Causing flashbacks to some of the most ground-breaking scenes of her life, so strong and vivid, she had to pinch herself as a reminder it wasn't real. Not real. Not real… Because the majority of the time, they weren't positive. All it took was for Carys to spot, for example, a bowl of chestnuts. And then that memory of what happened that Christmas in Germany would explode in front of her eyes, fill her brain and nostrils. That was why the Schneiders couldn't keep triggers like nuts around the house, and it had nothing to do with allergies. But even then, they couldn't predict what would set Carys off and when. Like she might put on make-up for ninety nine days of the year, but on the hundredth (especially if something was playing on her mind) -wham! and a flashback would start all over again. Funnily, it was mostly scenes from her later life that troubled her, rather than those from childhood or early adulthood, though there were a few. Occasionally.

Sinking deep into the settee, Carys let herself zone out in front of the screen. She needed a bit of down-time before tidying up for the night -then doing it all again the next day. To her disappointment, the soap she was watching was coming to an end, soon to be replaced by commercials and news. Too lazy to switch over, she listened to whatever jibber jabber they had to offer. Politics… celebrity gossip… advancements in nuclear science… Stop. Stop right there.

Carys felt an all too familiar sensation wash over her, draining her. She couldn't handle nuclear talk. In any shape or form. Reaching for the remote, she went to punch a button. Any button.. So long as it went away. It reminded her too much of the time when-

Despite the hunt today being successful, Saffron was still restless. Not that that was unusual -she and her mates could quite happily stay up messaging each other until well after midnight. It wasn't that. She was just edgy. She wanted to go out, again.

As if the kicks they'd got today were not enough. Had the shocking encounter at Ele-Yumi's diluted her adrenaline?

Either way, Saffron knew this night would not be complete unless she got up and did something. Without much thought, she tapped a message.

Feeling bored. Wuu2

Two minutes later, she received a reply from her boyfriend, Harry.

Chilling in my room. What u thought Id be doing?

Deciding there and then to get to the point, Saffron put

I fancy walkabouts.

The ping came just as shortly.

Where

Midnight adventures.

Feeling whimsical, she added

Wanna come?

There was a considerably longer pause this time and for a moment, Saffron felt stupid for suggesting the idea at all. After all, they'd had more than a good day, and tomorrow was another working morning…

Ok. Meet at the park in 20

Yes! Saffron could have punched the air in glee. She pounced back at the keypad.

Cool. C u there x

Xx

With almost a sense of victory, Saffron pushed the clutter on her bed to one side, preparing for some nighttime walking. Because sometimes, you didn't need the whole gang there to have a good time. Sometimes, just one was enough.

Twenty minutes later, as promised, Harry Boyd stood outside the residential playground. Saffron sauntered in a few minutes later. Putting the glowing screen into his pocket, he looked up and smiled, which she returned just as happily.

"Hope you're not telling every last cretin on the internet what we're doing out here," she said with mock disapproval "This will be our little thing, all right?"

"Wouldn't dream of it. So, what made you want to go out all of a sudden?"

"Just didn't want to stay indoors, eh."

"Fair enough."

Saffron began walking in a random direction, though she didn't really know where or why.

"Where you thinking of going?"

She slowed the pace, all too aware she didn't know. "Any ideas?"

"No, it was your idea," Harry joked.

"In that case…we'll head to town, walk around, talk, and if something interesting pops up, we'll do it. Okay?"

"Bit of improv. I like it."

Yep, bit of improv was right.

Saffron liked Harry for various reasons. First of all, they'd stayed together for longer than she'd stayed with anyone. All her other relationships had ended in either a scandal or something seriously unholy, to the point where she'd almost given up on partners entirely. But with him… two and a half years. Not bad, considering her personality. Another pro was that Harry was neither a goody two shoes nor an asshole -a balance in males Saffron believed was both rare and important. And there was no doubt he liked her back. It was obvious from the way he looked at her alone. For who she was -not just the show. That, Saffron found through personal experience, was rarer still.

Into town they walked, a pair of wraiths in their matching black outfits, so that the rest of the world slunk backwards to give them space.

"Enjoyed today?" he decided to start casually.

"Oof, yeah," Saffron she exclaimed. "That poor hobo. I can't believe Len knocked his hat into the drain! I won't forget that in a while."

"Hobo?" Harry shook his head, not knowing whether to laugh or protest. "Honestly, just because he was old and untidy, doesn't necessarily mean-"

"Did you see the beard on him?"

"What, something wrong with beards now?"

"You get all food and shit stuck in it, though."

Upon second thought, he asked "What if I was to grow out a beard?"

Saffron squinted, her eyes set on him judgmentally "Who, you? My lovely dovey baby face? Why, I'd stop kissing you. Or holding your hand. Why, I might find a different dude altogether."

Harry knew she was teasing, but wasn't going to risk it anyway. Instead, he said "Still, not good to be making a habit of this."

"Of what?"

They walked to where the lights were brighter, stepping in time.

"Bunking off school every other week. I mean, yeah, I did it sometimes myself at your age, but only on special occasions. You're just in and out whenever you feel like it. Like, come on, aren't you going to give it a break sometime?"

"Ahem, I already have a father, thank you."

"I'm just surprized you always get away so lightly."

"Says the person who dropped out just before their exams!"

Harry coughed, losing track of his words for a moment. It was true: he hadn't stayed in education for the full eighteen years, instead, having gone into full time work as a trainee mechanic. Although he was only a year and a half older, Saffron still felt like the baby of the group. Bruce, Len, Vanessa -they were all at least a year ahead, Bruce being twenty and all. Only Carly was in the same grade as her, and was not very smart either. Sometimes, the fact her mates had all gone in different directions put Saffron at a loose end. She'd met Harry and Vanessa back when they'd been in the grades above, and losing those people from her school life made it that much more unbearable. Losing Ele-Yumi, too, was going to be problematic, especially when it came to casual company. But she'd learn to get by. That, Saffron found, must be the main reason why she continued to walk out of lessons in favour of friends, time and time again.

"Fine," Harry said defensively "Yes, I did drop out, but at least I did it the honest way. I don't go on pretending to study."

"Hm, definitely time for a new dude."

"Oh really?"

"Let's talk about something else."

The pair talked as they walked, entering the inner city once more. This time, by the light of myriads of glowing bulbs. The only places open at this time were bars, restaurants (it was only a weekday) and the odd fast-food chain, its interior lit up with garish fluorescent strips. Not too busy, but enough to keep the city alive, since it was practically impossible for any city, Edmonton included, to ever fully go to sleep. A trio of drunks stood outside a tavern, pushing each other and laughing for the whole plaza to hear. Harry and Saffron sidestepped them just in time to avoid an embarrassing collision.

"Are you after food or drink, or shall we head back?" Harry asked.

She wrinkled her nose. "I'm not hungry. Or tired."

"No? We've been out nearly forty minutes, We have to turn back at some point."

"We don't have to do anything."

"No, we don't, but I want to wake up for garage in the morning, even if you don't."

Saffron flicked her eyelid dismissively. "Suit yourself." She made to head off further down the plaza.

"Where are you going?"

She flashed her dark smile. "Walkabouts."

They stood a while, neither knowing what move to make. Then Harry said. "Come on, I better drop you back home."

But Saffron's watchful look warned him off. "Go on, off you pop. Someone has work tomorrow."

He was going to protest. Say that lone girls at night were an easy target. But something stopped him from arguing, somehow the words stilled in his throat. "Fine. Suit yourself." With that, they said a short and sweet bye bye, then parted ways. Part of Saffron was almost happy: no one to stop her from sniffing out proper beef now. No one to talk her out of doing what she wanted. She might even make it inside a bar… Actually, that wasn't such a bad idea. Only how to convince the bouncers to let her in?

In the end, Saffron decided not to think too deeply on the matter, because thinking was never one of her strong points. Instead, she did what she did best: go for it.

She picked a place at random, walked up to the entrance.

"Where do you think you're going, young lady?" a voice resounded from the wall nearby. Screw him. The security guard blended in with the bricks so well, she hadn't even noticed him there.

"I don't think -I know," she pointed out simply.

"Okay. If you know so well, let me see your id please."

Saffron frowned. "Um, I don't usually walk around with a name tag."

"Well, that was stoopid, wasn't it? When a young'n like you wants to get into a nightclub, you need a bit more than just a name tag."

Maybe Harry was right. Maybe it was stupid. Maybe it was time to call it a day and go home. But for some reason, what bothered Saffron was an entirely different matter, some might say trivial, but… stoopid? Seriously? Who said that? Was the guy a chav or something, because if he was, what the hell was he doing for an upper-class club?

"It's stupid, you imbecile. Stew-pid!" she suddenly found herself snapping. "If you're supposed to be a bouncer, the least you can do is learn how to speak properly!"

The guy's face wasn't the only one to turn in shock, as other revelers outside turned to see what the matter was. Men like him liked to think they were prepared for everything, that they'd dealt with it all -abuse, drunks, underage party-goers, fights, vomit… but a girl to have a go at him on the subtleties of diction? Never. Even Saffron was surprized to have got angry on such a daft matter, but oh well. She'd started this now, so she had no intention of backing out.

"So then," she inched closer "Access granted?"

"Access denied-" he wheezed, shell-shocked.

"Goodness gracious me!" pipped a high, almost scratchy voice from behind.

Both swiveled in time to see a thin, olive-skinned woman march up to them on crazily unbalanced stilettos. "What's going on here? Honestly, I get out at the tube station, and all I hear is screeching coming from this area." She turned to Saffron. "You all right, sweetie? Taz not giving you too much grief here?"

So astounded, the guy did not even have the chance to unfold his arms. "You two know each other?"

The woman's narrow eyes zoned in first on the guy (a top-heavy, bug-eyed brute) then Saffron (a short yet authoritative presence). She appeared to be from the far east. Then her mouth broke into a catlike smile as she held out her hand. "Come on, let's go in then. Don't want to be late for our shift."

Momentarily, Saffron was baffled. But then she caught on and returned both smile and hand. "No, we wouldn't."

This time, no guards came to stop them. Inside, the woman led her down some steps to a floor below ground level. Only once she was past the second set of doors, did Saffron realize what she'd got herself into. Not just a hub for chatting and drinking. Nor a gathering point for sweaty hockey fans. This was a nightclub, the real, proper thing. Bloody hell. However did she get in?

Alas, there was no time to question her luck. If this party was in full swing, Saffron had no intention of getting left behind. And that odd, squeaky woman was heading decidedly to the staff only doors behind the podiums, not giving her a second glance. So strange…

"Wait!" On impulse, Saffron darted between chair, table and crowd, grabbing hold of her elbow just before she disappeared. So the woman did. Slowly, she turned, standing a head taller than Saffron because of those ridiculous heels. And when she did… Saffron realized she had never met another person whose eye colour matched her own. Even the black kids at school had an earthy tint to their iris. But the thought had to be shoved aside as she said "Obviously, I'm happy you got me in, but," she squinted in suspicion "Why did you do it?"

The woman smiled airily. "Why shouldn't I? When I see a fellow female in distress. Those men think they can lord over the place, censoring what young people can and can't do. But in my opinion, each person is entitled to find out things for themselves. Even if it isn't pretty… I hope you enjoy. I really do need to go now." She reached again for the staff only door.

Wow. This woman wasn't just a feather-brained entertainment provider. She might just be a really interesting person to talk to.

"Just one more thing" Saffron said "What's your name?"

After a satisfying session of watching performers (with clothes and with less) and basking in a large variety of stares (male and female) Saffron finally understood what had dragged her out tonight, from the comfort of her bed. To think how much she was missing out on, all those nights spent in her room! No friends, no familiar faces could grass her up on where she'd been. Harry conveniently sent home. She could turn up here and visit any time she liked, incognito, so long as she used the reference provided by the woman. Clutched in Saffron's hand was a business card -she'd left a number 'in case things are getting to you, and you just need a willing ear.' Said they could always meet up somewhere and have a chat.

She crossed the street, now even quieter, now it was past midnight. One last time, she read over the card, before putting it in her pocket.

≠ Akira Mizuna

666

Call me ≠