Chapter 5

Darkness. Darkness surrounds me. I don't see 'many shapes. I'm going up but I'm not falling or flying. I levitate. I am in nothingness. I try to move but can't. I can't feel my own body.

- Where am I? What am I doing here? Anyone else here? Why can't I move? Help! Somebody help me! What's happening?! What is this place???

My scream echoes and then stops. Silence surrounds me again. Just silence. And darkness. I'm afraid...

I leap to my feet and bang my head on the tabletop. It hurts, but it's good pain. It makes full awareness faster. He opens my eyes.

Desk. Antique shop. Job. I'm at work. I will not say. I was relieved. It was scary. I shudder.

"I fell asleep again. It was just a dream." I explain to myself.

I can't help my breathing and my heart pounding in my chest. It was so realistic. I was so scared.

Grunt. I turn on my heel to face Mr. Ralf.

My boss was an elderly man. He ran the only such antique shop in the town. He opened the business some thirty years ago, despite many doubts. His parents helped him, who loved him very much and would lift the stars from heaven for him. Or so it was said. My boss rarely mentioned his parents and the past. But I know that he loved them with all his heart. It was said there was a time he went the wrong way and got into trouble with the law, but no one wanted to talk about it, and I understood it. What was in the past, let it stay in the past. Everyone deserves a second chance, and I know Mr. Ralf is a good man. He helped me a lot. He hired me part-time so that my working hours did not interfere with my classes at the university, and also provided a place where I could devote myself to my passion and paint. It was rare to be busy here, so I had a lot of free time to spend on paintings and books. I sat in a corner or on the floor by the counter and delved into the content that was read, or stood in front of an easel with paints and gave myself to painting, or sketching in a notebook.

The man stands with a benevolent smile, but also with worry written on his face. I know what he is about to say and I am right.

- Dark, baby. If you're tired, why haven't you said anything? I'd give you the time off. You would rest. My guess is how difficult it is to combine work and studies, so if you don't do it, just say it.

I feel stupid. How could I just fall asleep? What if someone came at that time? Rather, he wouldn't have stolen anything, but you can't be sure of anything. I shouldn't trust anyone one hundred percent, even if I have known these people my whole life. You never know what someone is. You do not know if there is not some tragedy happening behind closed doors, and smiles and ordinary conversation are not just a beautiful illusion, a game of appearances.

I am so ashamed. He does so much for me, and I thank him so much. He should fire me. Anyone else in his place would surely do it.

- Excuse me. - I begin. - I didn't want to sleep at work. I haven't been getting enough sleep lately. I have nightmares and ...

I stop. I don't know what else to say. Bad sleep is no excuse. At least I have proof that I am not making this up. Dark bags under the eyes can testify to this.

I rub my face with my hand.

- I'm fine, sir. It's just ... tiredness. I'll get some sleep and it'll be fine.

"At least I hope so," I say in my head.

Not to mention that I need strong pills to fall asleep, which I borrow from my aunt and uncle's supplies when I stay with them on some weekends. I can't take many of them without consulting anyone, so most nights of the week I have to sleep normally, which results in nightmares, heavy nights, bags under my eyes, and tiredness. He, however, does not need to know about it. Nobody has to.

I can see from his eyes that he doesn't quite believe me, but he gives in.

- All right. If you say so ... you have the rest of the week off. Rest for this time, I'll be fine.

I feel stupid for getting caught so easily.

- But ... - I try to protest, but he raises his hand.

- No buts. And so we close. You might as well go now. I will close. - He says.

- I will wait.

It's getting dark outside and I don't want him to be alone here. I don't tell him this, but I'm thankful for the breath he gave me. I suspect the nightmares won't let me rest anyway, but I'll have a moment to myself. I'm grateful to him that he didn't throw me out for sleeping during working hours. Staying at least until the end, I would like to express my gratitude.

Until closing, we do not exchange a single word with each other. We bustle to clean up and shut down.

- Good night. - I say goodbye when my boss turned the lock on the door, closing it.

- Good night. Be careful.

- You too.

And it goes away. I stand a moment longer, watching Mr. Ralf's back move away.

The lantern light illuminates the road, so I don't worry about having to walk in the dark.

As she disappears around the corner and I turn, ready to go my way.

I almost have a heart attack seeing Shadow in front of me. A short cry escapes from my throat.

- Salazar! Can you stop doing that? - I put my fist to my heart. I can feel it hitting my ribs hard. - Someday I will have a heart attack!

The girl is silent. I'm not sure, but I think I saw the hint of a smile wander across her lips. However, it disappeared in the blink of an eye.

- I guess it's a tradition. Are you going to scare me like that forever?

This time I'm sure. She smiled!

"Oh, she has such a sweet smile ..." - I get emotional.

But wait ... What is she doing here? He's following me? How did she know she would find me here? Or maybe I'm paranoid and it's just a coincidence?

I shake my head, letting go of the intrusive and disturbing thoughts. This is not the time.

The cool wind brings me back to reality. I hug my black leather jacket tighter.

- Are you cold. - states the fact.

- Is that so obvious? I ask sarcastically.

We both know this is a rhetorical question, so she doesn't bother to answer.

I'm not sure if it's so cold, or if it's just me feeling it so much again. She is only standing in a blue blouse and an unbuttoned sweatshirt. It doesn't even budge.

- What are you doing here? - I ask curiously.

Maybe I should be suspicious, but somehow I can't. Not with her.

- I was walking by and saw you with this man, so I figured I'd come over and say hi.

Not even her eyelid twitched as she spoke. I accept her translation with a nod of my head.

I shuffle from foot to foot. It's getting darker and darker. The streets are deserted. The town fell silent, undisturbed by the daily noise of rushing residents.

- Listen, Shadow ... - I start and stop; I take a deep breath. - It's getting late and I have to ... should go home.

I look up, which I have been staring at our feet so far. The girl is wearing the same shoes as the last time we saw each other. I notice that he has a fairly small foot. Looks like number 36. Compared to hers, my feet are huge.

- I'll walk you back.

I nod, unable to refuse her. Without a word, I move towards myself, and she walks with me side by side. It's only now that I'm starting to feel awkward. I try to have a conversation, but I can't, and she's reluctant either. We only hear the sound of our feet and our breathing.

The silence is overwhelming. I pray for the end of the tour.

My feelings are mixed when I see the building I inherited from my parents. On the one hand, I'm glad that we'll split up soon and the awkwardness will pass, but on the other hand, I don't want it to end. I don't know what I want.

- It's here. - I inform you when we stop in front of the gate of a small house.

I look at the dark building. Again, I don't know what to do. Say "thank you and see you", turn on your heel, and walk away? Or maybe invite her in? But why? I hardly know her. I only know her name. And that's about it.

About the name ...

- How did you know my name? Shadow?

I turn around, getting no answer, but the girl is not behind me.

- Shadow? - I ask, looking around. - When did she disappear? - I ask myself under my breath, not seeing her.

It's hard. She made her own decision.

"She could at least say goodbye ..." - I think.

I feel sad.

Had she regretted coming with me after all? Or maybe she only offered it out of politeness and hoped for my refusal? Maybe she thought I was a more interesting person? And I couldn't even speak a word ... and she didn't answer me. It's the second time. As the saying goes: third time lucky. She won't get away from me next time. I'll see to it.

"If it takes place" a malicious voice in my head whispers.

"Ah, my pessimism," I think as I head towards my apartment.

A hot bath is still waiting for me. I think I'll skip my dinner. Then maybe I'll sit down to read an already started novel with a cup of lemon balm, or I'll go to bed right away.

Oh yes. I need a moment of relaxation before going to bed. "Maybe we can even do without nightmares?" as I opened the door, I allowed myself a positive thought.

Of course: l'espoir est la quintessence des illusions humaines...