Him

We're on the max level of the story I think. I don't want to spoil you about the counted chaps for this story but, actually, this will end very soon. I may not be the best author to say because I'm just starting to learn new where i could found a peace. This story has a lots of loopholes even though I'm not really done yet. But i can see it already. But I'll assured you, after I finished the story, I'll be editing it right away. Hope you understand me. And please be patient with VERY SLOW update. Enjoy!

I purple you all.

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I didn't know how to react on it. It wasn't our first kiss but it was as if cold water was poured on me because of what he did. My eyes were wide open as she closed her eyes and felt that kiss. I have this feeling it was a murder to kissed him again.

He stopped because I wasn't moving. I didn't response to his kisses. I really don't. I swear. I also don't know why. But there is a part of me that when I do that someone gets hurt. I know where I'm going. I knew it was wrong or I was right to do it. I was too stuck but I knew it was my fault. I don't regret doing this but I'm just really having a hard time with my situation, we are now.

He grabbed my shoulder and looked at me intently. "Why? Shit, I'm sorry Kane. I got carried away." he said. He brushed his hair feeling frustrated. You deserve it. You're still sucking.

"Don't do it again. Because that's what will happen." I said.

"I know Kane. I kissed you to know if you still have feelings for me. If you'll response to my kisses I decided to cancel my flight as soon as possible. I'm hoping it happened. But fuck," he said. laugh. "You really don't like me anymore."

I sighed.

"Marxie, these are my last words for before you go to your flight. If I said I don't love you anymore, I really mean it. Don't get me wrong, okay. It's just that, I think that's how you believe to me, that, you didn't believe when I said I'm breaking up with you. I'm already over with you, I really do, Marxie. But now, you showed me the real you. You didn't believe in me. Instead, you have way to know if my words were true because it doesn't satisfied you. " I said.

He bowed. I know I hit him there. If we continue today, our relationship will still not be good. It doesn't change anything at all. It just happens over and over again. He will be hurt, I will be hurt. We will both be hurt.

"I'm sorry Kane. But the only difference right now is, I'm leaving you. You don't know how much I want you. You pushed me away and it really breaks me. I hope you understand me."

"I understand you, Marxie. Remember when you went to the bar? I didn't give a damn even though you ruined my night. That you would show up in front of me and then just pull me over. I let you explain on your side even though that's obvious to the two of us. But yeah, there's a difference right now. You're leaving and I don't cry anymore. " I said.

Yes. When he used to leave for the states I cried all night even though I liked it there. I broke up with him. I pushed him yes. But I don't mean that I'm the bad one with us. That he was the only one who hurt the two of us. I cried a lot. I didn't tell him that because he wouldn't leave before. I did everything I could. I was able to tell him that even against my heart.

"You cried?" He looks like a panicked cat now.

Like I said, I don't know what happened to me anymore. Since he left, our connection has been severed. My dad is furious to me that time. So sometimes, Daddy just acted like that to me. I didn't tell them it happened, but, I'm planning to, just not in much time. Not that I was so devastated. But since Heart and Jezley are my mainstay, they are the only ones who know.

And also because of Heart. He slipped into Daddy. And after that, the storm is occurred. I nodded. "You think it was easy for me to know you're leaving that time? You're my first, Marxie. So I managed that. I gave my love for you.

I show you what's real. But everything has an ending. When Go away, realization hits me. It's as if it just happened right even though I hurt you." He hugged me. I did not say a word. I really wanted to say this to him that time but it will ruin my plan. Even though it hurts I did for him. I hope he doesn't just think I didn't love him. Because of our two years together, he has all my world. So that even for myself there is nothing left.

"I'm sorry." he caressed my hair at the same time. "I didn't know what happened, Kane. I thought it's okay with you. All this time I'm fooling myself that you have fun here when I leave you that time. I thought you were happy because that's what you want.

"You're wrong. There are things you have to do wholeheartedly in order to break the wall your heart made it." I said. "I've been a piece of shit to you." he said.

I just let him.

"I'm being asshole back then, until now. I'm gonna miss you so bad. Please be connected to me again, Kane. Please?" his voice we're very evident that his really not done to me.

I nodded. I will not deny him that. But I won't give him a reason to stay with me and get involved. I don't want to give him hope that it's still possible. Because no matter how hard I try, there really isn't.

My heart is the reason why something is stopping me from doing that. Instead of growing that wall to high, I just break it to release everything I'm holding. It was him that time.

My phone vibrates. I looked in my purse. He left hugging me and nodded. "Answer it." he demanded.

I get my phone on my purse. It wasn't a call, it was a text message from Heart.

Heart:

Kane, James. Go to his condo please.

What?

I looked at Marxie who was already looking at me. I know he know. He just nodded as if he was letting me go. I breathed a sigh of relief because of that. I can feel him now. He will be free from me. I hope this will thought as a lesson. A lesson that will lead us to the bright future waiting for us ahead.

"Do you?" he asked me.

My forehead furrowed.

"What?"

"Do you love him Kane? That you badly want me gone into your life because of him?"

It was a long time before I answered him.

"No."

"Then why?" he asked again.

"This is us again. He has nothing to do with Marxie. That's all. If you believe in me, good to hear that. If not, just go pack your things even if it's over. I don't want to explain this further to you because nothing I have to prove it. I said what I said and it's done. "

He closed his eyes. He first felt the drama we were looking at before he spoke.

"Fine. Just promise me you'll be happy Kane. That you'll be happy with your decision. Because me? Being an asshole is a deep really problematic. I don't want to stress that because of me." every time he uttered a word it seemed so hard to him.

"We are great pretenders that time." he stated.

If I were still numb I would be shocked by what he said. But not. We know both that. We are great pretender. At any angle. Yes we're happy. But in front of people, we still manage to show that our relationship is ideal, even if it's toxic.

Just like I did with him before. I released him even against me. I made. It's like I see myself now in him. What I did then was because I love him.

He let out a heavy breath.

He looked at me intently.

"Fine. Go to him now."

I was surprised by what he said. I could see the pain draw in his eyes. I just looked at him. Can't believe it. "Just promise me you'll be happy. Because when I see you crying, I won't hesitate to go home to get you back from her." he said.

"I'm not him. He doesn't own me Marxie." I said.

"Fine. But I hate to say this but, he's moving, Kane. I badly want to punch him. But it's only for my head."

I did not answer. I can't blame him.

"I will let you go now, willingly, Kane. I'm letting you go."

That was his last words before he left me. I made it.