THE YEAR OF BREAK-UPS

"Do you still remember when we almost broke up before, Edge?" I curiously asked. While I am sitting on the floor, and he is sitting on the couch in front of me.

"You mean before our 2nd anniversary?" He confusedly asked.

"Yes. I still remember how hard it takes to go on that year. It was my almost heartbreak year. I almost give up on us, but eventually, God gave me a lot of signs to go through after the trials." I happily said.

(6 years ago)

Our relationship had gone through a lot of challenges and trials this year. March this year was the start of our first problem. During the weekend, I had opened Edge's account out of curiosity. It was a bad idea because it could cause me to break my heart and lose my trust in him. I saw how he reacted on posts, commenting in the daily story, and sending private messages to some anonymous girls. I felt jealous, betrayed, and especially my insecurities fed up from what I saw on his account. I was crying all day, thinking what is wrong with me or what those things I had not done yet to him. I was questioning myself until he came by my house for attended his online classes.

Early in the morning, I already treated him coldly when he arrived at my parent's place. I just waited until his classes is done before confronting him about it. I was crying and mad at the same time when I spoke up about the problem. He didn't speak and go near me after I confronted him because I was pushing him away and telling him to go home out of my mixed emotions that day. I saw how he wanted to hug me and comfort me, but he was too afraid of what I can do to him.

"Why did you do that to me? What I've done to you? Do I deserve to be cheated? You! Why? Royce Edge Sullivan! You betrayed me! You break my trust in you! I hate you!" I angrily pointed out while crying.

It was his first time seeing me crying because of him.

I had an asthma attack while confronting him that day. He took care of me while saying his sorry for what he had done to me. He assured me that he won't do that again. We stopped talking because my father arrived, and he saw me crying while asking me what happened, but I just shrugged and saved Edge's ass from my father like let it go as nothing had happened.

August was a problematic month. He didn't have much time for me because of his responsibilities on the household chores, sideline works, and studies, I had to understand it, but at the same time, I felt left behind because I would not get the time I wanted before. I may sound selfish and insensitive, but all I wanted was his effort to have time for me. We have this planned trip on going to La Union by the end of the month for supervising my brother's papers for his requirements in working abroad but eventually, for some circumstances, I only mailed it to my brother's friend there.

A mourning September happened, we lost someone from our family member, my Aunt Victoria's husband, we all shocked from the news. We stayed late up the night to accompany my cousins and Aunt during the night vigil of my late Uncle Rafael. I asked Edge if he can accompany us for the last night vigil and come to the burial the next morning. But due to rainy weather and his transportation, he didn't come. I was very disappointed and understand his reason at the same time.

During the stressful October, I felt pressured in both personal problems, health, financial, academic, and relationship problems that have arisen that make me very stressed. Hard to cope up with anything. I was crying all the whole month, especially my relationship with Edge. I was in the state of giving up or staying with the relationship.

"I can't do this anymore." I said to Kristine and Venice while we were in face time.

"What happened to you?" They worriedly asked.

"I can't handle everything now, especially my relationship with Edge. What should I do? Should I give up or stay with him?" I asked while sobbing.

"Girl, can I ask you something?" Venice asked.

I nodded in response.

"If you will stay, what could be the possible reason for you?" She pointed out.

"If I stay… my reason is…" I was caught off guard.

What could be my reason for staying in the first place?

"I wanted to make him feel that there is someone like me who will stay at him even though he's not perfect and have a lot of flaws, especially in handling a relationship." I stated like a mere fact about Edge.

"Heaven, as your friend, it's your own decision if you will stay or give up. If you stay, then make your reason as part of your decision for a relationship. Or if you give up because you can't do it anymore, it is fine and hey, remember I'm here, we're here for you, everything will be fine sooner or later." She assured me.

"Yeah, girl, you can also be happy soon, okay?" Kristine agreed.

"I can suggest, Heaven, you need to talk with Edge about these problems of yours. Talking with him will solve the problem like going through it, I mean staying in the relationship or giving up. Maybe, he will also find things hard for both of you, and maybe sooner or later, he will come to you and fix the problem." Venice suggested.

The retrieval and fixing November done, I decided to open up with Edge's twin brother about our problems by messaging him. I told him everything, especially when Edge didn't have any time to visit me at my parent's house these past months. He told me that he would ask their mother to talk to Edge to come over to his spare time without telling him that he was the one who told their mother about it. And I just thanked him for his concerns to us, especially when he promised me if Edge would hurt me again because he will be teaching him a lesson. Two days before our 2nd anniversary, Edge is finally coming over to my parent's house. At first, I have ignored him when he arrived and sat in the living room because I wanted him to talk to me, but I can not take it anymore so that I asked him to come with me to my room because he's become his typically shy and ashamed from what happened to us. I was distancing myself from him until I started ranting everything from the problem of our relationship, and he just stayed quiet until I finished talking.

"Do I deserve what you have done to me? Am I important to you? Why can you give me some of your time these past months? Are you that busy? Edge, a lot of things happened, and I needed you those times, but you did not come." I sobbed as I continued talking while he listened and looked down at the floor.

"I needed your accompany at my lowest. I also needed you. But why do you keep disappointing me? Do I deserve treating like this? I thought you are different …but you're not… Now, you can't even look straight at me. Look at me! Do I deserve this? Answer me!" I asked.

"No." He shortly said.

"Then why did you do it? Why do you keep on doing things that I hated the most? I thought you're going to fix it before, but why did you add it? Edge you already ruined my trust, you said you will get back my trust again even though it was hard to trust you again …Edge can I ask something?" I said while holding back my tears.

I know he was listening to me.

"Can you make it through if I will give up on us and decide to break us apart now?" I asked while he was holding my hands.

It was my first time telling him about break-ups in our relationship.

I felt his grip on my hand like he do not want to let it go because he would miss his chance to hold it again.

"No. I can't. I don't want to lose our memories together and you. I may cause you lot of problems then and now, but I don't want us to be apart. I can't, Heaven, I'm sorry for what I've done to you. I love you so much. My love for you is my only reason to fix everything. I wanted to fix it and get back those times we needed to catch up. Sorry, love." He sincerely answered as he hugged me like longing for me for those times we needed each other.

"I love you, love. I'm sorry, too." I sincerely said.

"I love you until our last breath." He said while kissing my forehand.

(Present time)

"How I wished things fix like before, love." Edge said before leaving me alone in the living room.

"How I wish it, too." I whispered as I leaned on the center table.