Mental Struggle

Alina's Pov

I awoke to feel exhausted, and I closed my eyes again and tried to go back to sleep. I felt Jakov sleeping next to me, and I turned around and looked at them for a while.

He was a very handsome guy.

And it bothered me that he seemed to be a good guy. '

He shouldn't be. He's in the mafia.

Men in the maffia aren't the good guys.

These are the cold, heated monsters that don't blink before executing someone.

They kidnap innocent family members to hold for ransom if someone betrayed them in any way.

They are fearless, cold-hearted, and evil.

Vladi was all that. He was cold and war and never showed any emotions.

I have even seen him killed a man, but he doesn't know that I saw him. I was only twelve when I came down the stairs late at night to get something to eat.

And when I walked past the living room, I saw Vladi behind the window in the yard shooting a man in the head before him.

I was terrified with what I saw, and I hurried back to my room and decided never to spook off what I saw to anyone. Not even with Olga.

But the voices began after that night. They reminded me of what I saw. Olga. The woman that's been with me since I was 3 months old. She was always next to my side.

Olga was the one who knew me best, but even she didn't know about the voices. But they were always there in the back of my mind; some days were more bearable than others.

But I could never shut them out completely.

I left the bedroom and went out to the kitchen.

The clock at the door said it was barely three o'clock in the morning. But I was too anxious to go back to sleep.

My eyes looked for something to eat in the kitchen, and I found some leftover sandwiches in the refrigerator. My hope was for the anxiety to go away after I ate, but it was still there.

And I know I shouldn't... But I decided to get a glass of wine to see if it could help. And it did.

A couple of drinks later, and I found Jakov's cigarettes on the table in the living room.

Why not? I thought and took the package with me out on the balcony. I had seen Vladi's men smoke too many times, so I knew exactly how to light it up. But I wasn't prepared to feel the smoke burn in my throat. I started coughing, but I continued to take puffs from the cigarette, and I sipped on the wine.

Seven cigarettes later, plus a bottle of wine, made me numb.

I sat on the couch on the balcony, and for the first time in the long run, it was finally peaceful in my mind.

Drinking might not have been the best option, but it worked for the moment.

Jakov's Pov

When I awoke, I immediately noticed that Alina was not near me. I started looking for her and found her sleepin' on the balcony.

"Shit," I mumbled when I saw the empty wine bottle and my cigarette package. It looks like she had a party for one.

"Alina?" I mumbled and shook her shoulder a little. But she just slapped away my hand and wiggled her body in place.

I sighed and left her alone for now and decided to call my mom for guidance. There was something wrong with Alina, and I needed to help.

"Zdravo, mama! (Hello, mom)" I said when she answered,

"Jakov, moja draga,(my baby), how is married life? How is Alina?" Mom asked, enthusiastic.

"That's why I'm calling..."

"Oh no, this doesn't sound too good. What's going on?" Mom asked, a little worried.

"Alina's great; she's a beautiful girl. But something's been going on with her. I feel like she's suffering from mental problems." Mom was quiet for a while.

"Mom?" I asked, and she sighed. "Have you talked with her?"

"I try, all the time. But Alina panics and pushes me away."

"Maybe she's a little overwhelmed by the wedding and she needs time to land there. You guys have only been together a couple of days." Mom said, but I knew that wasn't the case.

"I thought that too, mom. But you should have seen her last night. One moment we were in the hot tub, getting it on. And then, one second later, she was running away in panic. Then she started screaming that she couldn't listen to my voice too and started pulling her hair while swaying back and forth."

"Oh. That sounds like something more serious. Did Alina say your voice, too? Was there someone else there?"

"No, mom, it was only us two," I replied with a shaky voice.

"And it broke my heart when I saw her like this. She was terrified, mom.

The horror in her eyes froze in my mind." I said and felt my stomach rollover.

"Okay, son. Hearing you tell me all of this makes me worried too. But we can't start something without speaking with her. Maybe she would need to see a therapist when your honeymoon is over."

"Mom, I don't think we can stay here another day. I found her on the balcony this morning. She had emptied a bottle of wine by herself. What if she would have hurt herself? What is she would fall from the balcony?"

"Calm down, Jakov. Nothing happened, and you can't act out when she's not feeling well. I will send Ringo to collect you later today, and I will make some calls in the meantime. Don't worry. We will help her."

Jakov sighed, and they finished the call.

Alina's Pov

I awoke when I heard Jaokov's mumbles from inside. I couldn't make out the words, and my mind was spinning.

Shit, I was not feeling well. I sat up, and nausea hit me with full force, and I started to puke all over myself and the sofa with tears streaming down my face. I can't even take care of myself anymore.

Who wants to be with a crazy person that can't even handle a little drinking without puking.

I was sobbing for a moment after I stopped puking, and I felt the pungent scent hit me, making me nauseous all over again.

I rushed inside and felt the vomit burn in my throat, and I hurried into the bathroom.

"Hey...." Jakov said when I entered inside, and I was shocked when he stood before me... Naked. But I didn't have any time to study him as I felt the vomit in my mouth. I rammed the toilet, and soon, I felt Jakov's hand on my back.

"I don't think you should drink anytime soon," He said, and I shook my head, "Me neither," with tears falling down my face.

"Come here," Jakov used to mumble when I stopped vomiting, and he started taking my clothes off. "No, no," I whispered, but Jakov continued to strip me and put me in the shower.

I sighed when the water came over me, and I closed my eyes when I felt Jakov's hands carefully start to wash me with sope on his hands.

If I had not been so defeated, it might probably have been a very sensual moment to share between us, but I had never felt so disgusted by myself. Yet, he stood there and took care of me gently and kindly, and I could feel that he cared for me.

He helped me dry off with a towel, and then we walked into the bedroom. "I need to clean up the mess on the balcony," I stuttered. "No, don't think about that. The cleaners will clean it up." I shook my head. "No, it's my mess out there, and I can't let anyone else clean it for me." Jakov sighed.

"We need to pack, Alina. We will go back home today." I was baffled. Is he sending me home? "Oh. You're sending me home?" I replied, "What? No. We are going home, to our home."

"Right. Our home." I repeated and sat down on the bed. Jakov sat down next to me.

"Here is the thing, Alina. I would love to stay here for a week as it was said. But you are clearly not feeling well, and your health is a priority for me."

"What? What do you mean: I am not feeling well?" I hissed and stood up with a fast move.

"Calm down. After what happened last night and how I found you this morning, it all made me worried for you.

You have an ongoing internal battle that must be handled properly. You don't have to feel ashamed, and I want you to feel good about yourself. We all have our struggles." Jakov quietly said, and perhaps he had good intentions.