Memory

"You're fucking useless!"

My owner roared as he kept beating me. I received a series of non-ending punches, slaps, and kicks from him.

"Why can't you do a simple task?" he furiously growled.

He didn't stop hitting me.

He became so furious after I spilled his glass of water on his carpet. It was just a simple mistake yet I still get a harsh punishment. My cheeks were swollen. Blood is coming down from my nose. Bruises are visible in all parts of my body.

It hurts. It hurts so bad.

"No food for you tonight!" he yelled as he spits at me.

After I get beaten up, I forced myself to return to the stable where all of the master's slaves live. Six slaves were living in the stable, including me. When I arrived, everyone was staring at me. I did my very best to reach my spot in the stable, ignoring their gazes. I immediately cowered down in pain and hid behind my knees. I stare at the shackles on my feet and cried in silence.

Among all of the slaves, I'm always the one who gets beaten up badly. Maybe because I can't do a simple job such as getting a glass of water for the master. A simple task like that, I couldn't still get it right. He wasn't my first master, to begin with. Since the day someone took me away from the merchant who found me in the mountain, I could no longer count on my fingers how many masters I had served. This is my first month serving this new owner of mine. And all I'd experienced was a never-ending punishment. This isn't new to me. Every master I serve, I always get punished. Every task they gave, I always messed up. I never did anything right.

My bruises hurt. I sobbed and cried in silence. I am trying my best to hide my pain. I don't want the other slave to see my misery. I don't even want to be close to them. If that happens, things will start all over again. All of my friends I made when I was serving my ex masters, they all died a terrible death. They were executed, murdered, and tortured. They all died because I got attached to them.

The worst part was them, promising things that they can no longer fulfill. Because of that, I hated them. Every single one of them, I loathe them.

Ugh!

My body hurts so bad.

I later heard my stomach grumble in hunger. The master said I can't have any food tonight. Guess I'll just sleep this hunger away like I always do.

"Here."

When I held my head up, I saw someone giving me a share of his food. I stared at him, wondering why he was giving me half of his bread.

"Just take it."

He then grabs my hand and handed the other half of the bread to me. I bowed my head and took a bite. I can't face him. I am embarrassed to show him my swollen face. I thought he already had left when I heard footsteps but he sat down next to me as he ate his share of the bread. I gaze at him and quickly look away after I saw his face. He's the eldest among the group.

I don't know why he's being nice to me.

"Do you ever wonder what it is like to be free to do whatever you want? Like you have the power to do anything you wanted?" he inquired out of the blue.

I didn't respond.

"When I get out of here, I would like to travel around the world and try everything that I haven't done," he uttered with such enthusiasm in his tone. "Maybe I'll start my journey in the south because I heard it's nice there."

"How would you know that you're going south?" I asked out of curiosity.

I saw him smile at me.

"Well, you could always use a compass but do you know about the natural compass?" he said. "Well, you see, the sun, moon, and the stars are already pointing directions. All you need to do is look. They all rise in the east and set in the west. Just by navigating through them, you'll know where to go."

However, his face suddenly dejected.

"But I know that my dream will never happen. My fate was to be a slave, nothing more nothing less," he said with such gloom in his voice. "I have thought of escaping but I cannot leave these kids alone."

He chose to stay because of them. How could he think of others in a situation like this?

The other four slaves were still young and all of them are girls. They keep committing mistakes but this guy is always there to protect them. Sometimes, he takes the blame just to keep them safe from the master. But he never did something like that to me. Why is that?

"How about you? What things would you do when you're free?"

Freedom? What does it taste like? What would I do when I get free?

Well, there is only one thing I wanted to do if that happens.

"Find answers," I replied stoically.

Yes, all I wanted is to find out who I truly am and the reason why I experience all of this. All I remember was I need to retrieve a fragment of memory. A task that was given to me by that glowing tree I saw in my dream. Even if I want to look for it, I can't still do it because I can't break free from these chains. And here I am now, stuck in this miserable life.

"Huh?" he uttered in wonder after hearing my answer.

It might be weird for others but it is the only thing I wanted to do. I want to know why I keep suffering. I want to know why this is all happening to me. I want to know why life hates me. I want to know why I can't be happy. I want to know why did I exist if my fate is just to suffer such torment.

Do I have a purpose in this world?

Maybe I don't.

I wanted answers. Yet, here I am, stuck in this torturous fate.

"It must be difficult wishing for things that we know that will never be ours," he said.

"But I hope, one day, we'll get what we want," he wished. "You've been here for a month now yet we do not know your name. May I know your name?"

I hesitated to reply but I did it anyway, "I'm Izac."

"I'm Euro," he mumbled.

This name, I do not know where it came from or who gave it to me. When that merchant who found me at the mountain ask for my name, I have no idea what to reply. Then, I heard a voice, a deep and husky voice, whispering the name 'Izac'. I am not even sure if it was a name or was intended for me but I used it as my name since that day. I don't know whose voice it was.

"All we can just do is survive."

I felt cold. It's a cold night after all. I hugged myself tighter to fight off the cold when Euro gave me his cloak.

"You can have this. It's cold after all," he said. "Don't worry, I'll make another one for myself."

It was the first time someone gave me something. I will treasure this all my life. Since that night, Euro never forgets to check if I was doing alright every single day. Every time I get punished by the master, Euro is always there to help me with my bruises. Each day, he always makes sure that I had eaten my meal. He never forgets about me. He's making me feel like everything will be okay and that scared me. Because every time something nice happens to me, something worse will definitely come. I'm want to be happy but happiness doesn't want me.

"Don't worry, I will always be here for you."

"I'm not going anywhere. We'll be alright."

"Everything is gonna be okay."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I can't be with you."

"Don't cry."

"I'm so sorry, Izac!"

"Please forgive me."

"Thank you for being my friend…"

"I'm… sorry…"

Please stop!

I woke up in the middle of the night out of terror. It was a nightmare.

"Liars! You are all liars," I sobbed.

Those were the words of the people who I shared memories with. They were all my friends yet they lied to me. They said that they will be with me. They said that everything's gonna be fine. They said that there is always hope. They promise that they will not leave me alone.

Are promises just sweet lies and meant to be broken?

"Why do I have these eyes? Why do I have this? Why did I even exist? Why do they want to make my life a living hell?" I cried out of misery.

I immediately wiped my tears away by my shirt and sobbed in the shadow.

"Hey, are you alright?"

I was startled after I heard someone else's voice.

"Whoa! Your…"

It was Euro.

"…your eyes are—" he uttered with great marvel in his eyes.

I've managed to hide this odd ability of my eyes to do something odd every time I cry after arriving here and yet, I let my guard down and let someone know it. My weeks of hard work were wasted because of my stupidity and now everything is at risk if the master knew about it. I will suffer if the master knew about it.

I'm terrified of what will come next.

"I was already fascinated by the different colors of your eyes but I never expect that they would sparkle like that," he said in astonishment. "They look so beautiful. How is that even possible?"

I don't know what I should do. If the master learned about this, I will suffer the worse again. I immediately kneeled and bowed my head to the ground.

"Please, don't tell the master about me," I begged. "Please, I will do anything just keep this a secret. Please, I'm begging you."

My voice is all shaky. I am trembling in fear. Stream of non-ending tears flowed. I bowed my head to the ground begging Euro to keep it a secret. I am desperate and I will do anything he wants just to keep it a secret. I've done several unimaginable obscene requests from people who I do not know from the past masters I served under. I did things that I couldn't imagine doing. I am willing to commit such a deed again just to make Euro shut his mouth and keep everything a secret. It's still a loss for me but I'll endure if it means keeping everything safe from the outcomes of my carelessness. Euro suddenly picked me up, held my face, and look at me with worry in his eyes.

"Don't do that. Don't ever do that. I didn't mean to know. I'm so sorry for knowing. I promise I won't tell a single soul about it."

I gasped in terror and tears were shed when he uttered those words. I can't stop my tears from streaming down from my face.

I can't describe it but I am scared of the word 'promise'.

"I really mean it. I promise to keep it a secret!"

"Please, leave me alone while you still can. I don't want to suffer such pain again. Please, stay away from me," I sobbed.

"Why?" he asked with such troubled expression.

"Please, I don't want to hear any more lies again."

"I just want to help. Why are you so scared?"

"If you really want to help me, then, stay away from me."

I wipe my tears again and cowered down in a corner.

"If that is what it takes to keep you at ease then I'll do it but, Izac, just don't ever think you're alone, okay."

I calmed down after he left. It's better to drive him away and be alone than getting betrayed again. I won't let that happen.

It's been days since I told Euro to stay away from me. He no longer checks on me or helps me with my bruises. Every day, my bruises increase in number until there's no longer space for new ones. I'm all covered with bruises. I was left alone with no one around for me. This is the choice I made and I must endure it. I refuse to socialize with others because I know they will just use me and lie to me.

It's better this way.

I'm free from betrayal and they're safe, safe from the danger I'm accompanied with. I thought things will end out fine for me and them but I thought wrong. One day, one of the slaves committed a major blunder. She accidentally broke the urn where our master's late mother's ashes were kept. I was at the sink washing the dishes when all of that happened. I didn't leave my spot to know what was the commotion was all about. I couldn't care less.

'I must finish my task before the master returned!' I always kept in mind.

When I finish my job, someone suddenly grabs me by my hair and dragged me out of the house, and threw me on the ground. It was the master. I have no idea what was happening. I saw the other slaves in a distance, watching me getting beaten up.

"YOU!" the master bellowed as he showed me a terrifying frown.

He was gritting his teeth in extreme rage. Fear froze me and I was quivering and trembling in horror.

What… what did I do? Why is the master so angry at me?

The master yanks me by the shirt and gives me a hard blow in the head. I flew away because of the hit and the ground was the only thing that caught my fall. My head was spinning because of the concussion. I grunted in intense pain. The master grab me by the shirt again and continued hitting me on the face. I was still on the ground as my master keeps beating me with rock-hard punches.

I don't know why I am getting punished.

"You good for nothing trash! How dare you broke my mother's urn!" he yelled, infuriating.

What?

I received countless punches that are only hitting my head. When my face was all broken and swollen, my master pulled me up, dragged me, and threw me in the pigpen. I landed on the mud, full of pig's poop.

"You're lucky I didn't kill you," he snarled.

He wasn't contented with me getting beaten up to death. He picked up a rock and threw it as hard as he can at me. I got hit in the back and tried to avoid howling in pain after the impact.

"If it weren't for that man, you are dead by now!" he uttered in such rage as he spits at me.

Man?

I wailed silently in intense pain. I cried and cried because of the pain I felt all over my body. I was trembling in pain as I forced myself to stand up on my feet again. My head is bleeding. My face is extremely swollen, and my scrapes and bruises got worse. Everything was spinning and my vision was getting all blurry but I forced my body to make it back to the stable. When I reach the stable, everyone looks at me with pity. As I gaze back at them, they all look away.

Why do I feel something is off? Why do they look like they've done something awful?

Then, I realize, they used me as a scapegoat. Now I know why the master was so mad at me. The culprit— no, they all lied to the master and blamed me for breaking the urn. I gritted my teeth in anger and decided to head back to my spot. I did my best to reach my spot but I collapsed midway.

They used me so that they could get away from the mistake they did. I got punish for the thing I didn't do.

Why is the world so against me?

Well, I'm already used to it. This isn't the first time someone blamed me for the wrongdoing they did. They keep using me as a scapegoat and I couldn't do anything about it. They are rotten down to the core. They will do anything just to keep themselves away from punishment.

Years ago, I once stand up and complained to the other slaves about what they're doing to me but I ended up getting beaten up by them. Since then, I didn't bother to say anything since it's no use. I thought this group of slaves will not do the same thing those slaves from my previous master did but I was wrong.

I hate this world.

If ever the world was on the brink of destruction and my eyes were the only thing that could save it, I will willingly gouge out both of my eyes and merrily squish it in front of them with my feet because they're not worth saving for.

I loathe everyone and I hate this world.