Finding Myself

Azriel POV

I was staring at the darkness across Malia's strange circular abode, sweat dripping from my forehead, the exertion of forcing my body to change shaking every muscle and sinew in my body.

I was tired.

I was demotivated.

I was ready to give up.

Malia murmured from behind me, encouraging words of calm. She had by now tried everything, from dipping me almost into scalding hot water, thrown me in a cave full of vipers and snakes, dripped ice on my naked body continuously for hours, and had me whipped as well. Nothing had happened, my body refused to change at all. It was like whatever had happened by the lakeshore had shut down some system in me. I was unable to change and nothing seemed to work for me in any way. I had kind of given up hope and was hopeful that Malia would soon give up as well.

However, right now, I felt like a wriggling worm, caught on a hook. I was wondering how long this torture would continue. Malia was relentless in trying to ferret out my change. It almost seemed that whatever had happened with Ashmeer as the ruined castle was a distant dream. I wanted to scream and shout and beg them to leave me alone. But, there was no escape.

Suddenly, I heard footsteps appraoch and they broke through my slim focus and wavering concentration. No one had ever attended any of our sessions, till yet, so I wondered who had dared to interrupt us. I was surprised when I saw Ashdeer walking towards us and idly wondered what he was doing here. When had he come back? No one told me anything and my days had begun to go in a blur of combat lessons, Victus and his oddball teaching and then sessions with Malia, which could happen at any hour of the day or night. Why was he here? At my lesson with Malia? Did this mean they were giving up on me and he had come to take me away? Random thoughts raced in my mind as I watched Ashdeer walk under the stalactites and stalagmites, and suddenly, out of the blur, I noticed a particular sharp and evil looking stalactite dislodge itself and make it's way to Ashdeer. Terror gripped me, he was the only person I cared about here in this strange world.

"No.....I screamed," Holding my hands towards him, and then something happened. The world flashed around me and my body heated up tremendously. I felt my very bones shift and my entire body felt like it was in a whirlwind. I heard a flash of wings behind my back, I felt my hands grow into talons and my feet dig in with huge claws. My vision sharpened and I felt the room change differently. Suddenly the world was a multi-dimensional space with each speck of colour more vibrant, each stone more visible.

The stalactite lay shattered a few feet from Ashdeer.

My heart was panting erratically, but the world looked different in this form. I saw swirls of magical waves across the entire chamber, I saw Ashdeer with his true dragon form forming a nebulous cloud around him. I turned around and looked at Malia and reeled in shock. Her whole body was a series of burns and scars, which explained the veil and the gloves and the fact that I had not seen her bare skin at any point. Yet, I also a large grey eagle, hovering around her, just the way I had seen Ashdeer's dragon.

"I told you this would work, did I not Ashdeer!", Malia said, as he walked up to us.

Ashdeer looked at me reverently and said, "Yes, Malia, we should have done this earlier would have spared Azriel a lot of pain."

Malia looked at me musingly and said, "Your trigger is the people you love and care for. I tried everything from anger to fear, to pain, and terror, but the only thing that has worked for you is love."

I nodded, feeling a new vigor course through my veins, the world looked totally different in this form for me.

Malia said to me softly, "Now Azriel, we need for you to shift to your human form, while keeping the energy of your Phoenix form intact. This is absolutely imperative for you to learn, as you may slip into the shift and be unable to control it, much like the way it happened by the lake. Then you will be unable to control it and we will all be doomed."

Ashdeer walked up to me and said, "Azriel, I am very proud of you and this moment. I'm so glad you were able to shift, even it meant we had to trick you a little, but we needed to make sure that all your triggers were covered."

I blushed remembering how Ashmeer had coaxed so much pleasure and joy out of me, and helped me shift the first time at the ruined castle. I had no idea what had happened to me at the lake shore, but I knew that that trigger had been very strong, much stronger than even what Ashmeer and I had shared that day."

I tried very hard to maintain the balance of energies within me and shift to human form, but it didn't happen. Finally on my third try, I felt the shift happen again, and the world blurred for a moment. From the disappointment on Ashdeer and Malia's face, I realized that I had not managed a successful shift and was back in human form. I stood there, naked, vulnerable and shivering as Malia hurriedly covered me with a robe. Ashdeer had already turned away and he turned back now and patted me on my shoulder.

"Azriel, we have much to speak of. Ill sit and have dinner with you tonight. As for now, take some rest and gather your energies. You did well today."

"Yes," Malia murmured. "Our work with you has finally begun Azriel. It will get easier from now on. It's been a very good day for all of us and I think you should celebrate it."

I looked up at Ashdeer and said, "Ashdeer, I'm so sorry for Layla!"

"She is in a better place" he said, but I could see the sadness in his eyes. It felt like a knife twist through my heart and I didn't understand why.