DROWNING

Tattered - broken is what I call myself, I'll be a lost case by the time you think about it, but guess what I'm too strong to show it on my outside . I can feel myself fading away in the air, it feels a lot lighter with every shot I'm gulping down my throat. The burning in my throat makes me feel alive, and to be honest it feels satisfying to me, it eerily calms my nerves, I feel liberated

"wait ! I can never be liberated untill I'm dead " I think to myself.

Currently I'm sitting in a bar getting myself wasted. But you know what I can't even get drunk my alcohol resistance is so high, I can't even drown in my sorrows. With everything going in my life, alcohol is the last thing on my mind. Though it proved to be a good stress reliever it never worked on my grief , anyway. I had my first alcohol when I was 16 and over the years of a little heavy drinking, now it takes a lot to loose my mind.

As I'm cursing my life, I am on my 6th drink "Noooooo...",my mind informs me, "then 7th????", " Nah darling ", it mocks back " 8th ??? 9 th???? " *no answer* , this fucks me up even more "you can't ignore me common, answer me already ,I need to talk, you know you are me but still you choose not to talk me??huh??what kind of mind are you???" Still no answer.

You think I'm mad, but let me tell you I'm not . "Who the hell talks with their mind???" , It's not madness it's what loneliness does to you. Now you may think I'm friendless "no, I have this shit ton of friends , whom of course, I don't trust". Let's just say I never got lucky with faithful friends or just say that I have got trust issues. " Okaay!! Stop spilling your secrets, girl" ,my mind shouts and I press my lips tight "shit!! I never meant it. " I apologize to my mind, after all she is all I have, my bank of secrets thoughts . "What if ,if all the thoughts were money, I'm sure to be a millionaire by now" , to say I love money will be an understatement I worship money , sole reason "I don't have any" .

"Money is power, power is everything... But can power bring you mental peace??? Well I don't know because I haven't tried it once. The moment I know I'll tell you, I promise " Now you think I grew up in poverty you are wrong I grew up in negligence " Can't you shut your bloody mouth. " My mind oders me rather than questions me, I nod tiredly.

In my agitation sitting on the chair I turned my head back to call the waitress who had her back turned cleaning a table with a scrunched up face where I am sure someone puked "eeewww" I think ,then called "heyyyyyaaaa!!! Sis can you fet...(burp) .....ch me another drink, this ooo... One is ooo....ver!!!??? " She startled up at my high pitch voice, she nodded, and retured back to whatever she was doing, and asked the other waiter, who was passing by her, and told my order.

The waiter retured five minutes after ,with my drink , his eyes stuck on my partially showing cleavage , he placed my drink and asked with a smile "maam! Do you need any thing else? " His eyes still on my breasts. I stared at him with a cold expression , my eyes probably red from all the drinking, seeing me not answering he looked into my eye, looking at my "I'm going kill you anytime now" expression,he rushed back inside.

Chugging down my drink I stand up all shaky . Feeling dizzy, I stilled for a moment, damn the shots are getting, regaining my balance I headed towards the cash counter to pay the bill "here " I said offering them the money I stoled from my parents back home, I looked into his eyes to witness the lust, "omg! Why can't men handle a little cleavage!! " I groan inwardly, while returning the change he touched my fingers, I instantly pull back and turn back mumbling a small "thank you".

Next thing I know I am out of the bar and I am standing by the road waiting for my taxi to arrive. Well, it did arrive after 15 minutes of waiting, I hurriedly went inside, my legs were hurting badly. I reached home at nearly 2 AM, which is OK with me. I stumbled down the taxi, paid the driver, and rushed to the back yard, it was really dark now, but I'm hardly scared I'm more scared of my dark thoughts "again, stop with that now!! " My mind scolded, "yeah, for all I know I'm a poison to you too" I retorted back and proceed towards the bushes to pull out the good old ladder and place it against the wall below the window to my room, I steadily climed it, thanks to my previous experiences, I am so good at it, reaching my window I slowly open it and climb into the room without making any noise . I make it safely inside the room. I quickly went to my bathroom to change and well because I really needed to piss.

After cleaning up, as soon as I open my bathroom door, I stand there all shocked, blood draining out my body,

seeing my father sitting on my bed with a grim look on his face ,

and I'm very well acquainted with everything that is going to happen!!!!.

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*from writer's side*

This is my first ever story ever!!

Happy reads readers