Explain this to me

Chapter 18

'Omar'

I couldn't explain it. the racing of my heart, the tinge of jealousy and the urge to hold, comfort and care for her. I read a book once, where the racing heart was compared to a slow pitter-patter. I believe that in the moments I lost all sense, where my heart raced like crazy it still felt like a slow deep thumb. like a fist to a drum. Manier times as a kickboxing instructor and taekwondo sensei I had caught many of my students, and helped them up whenever they slipped, but every time I caught her or even when a single hair of hers touched me...I couldn't control this slow, painful pitter-patter.

"It's our last day here we have to try out some of the fun places please," Elizah suggested handing out a pamphlet to each of us

"I agree, let's go try out the carnival on the other end," I replied

"Now your talking let's go!"

She said hoping towards the mountainous area, "Wrong direction!" I yelled watching her make a smooth turn

She was a child stuck in the body of an adult. That I think is what made it so refreshing to be around her all the time. I quickly cleared my thoughts…since when have I found myself blushing just by thinking about someone's character…or the way she smiles walks and eats. Dang, it...I did it again.

I hope this is just a phase cause even my tummy itself feels fuzzy.

We took a rented car to the other side of the mountain, or as Elizah described it, the fun side of the mountain. Where mosquitoes didn't pick at her skin, nor did flies chase after her surgery treats and all the other stuff she couldn't stop whining about. We were greeted by a huge carousel on our arrival, it was bigger than life. There were also a few roller coasters and vendors who were offering all sorts of prizes to everyone who was brave enough to take them on. Elizah dragged me to the rides and I didn't know how to tell her I was afraid of heights. Especially since after the water incident, she hasn't stopped teasing me about it.

I however, stayed calm. showed no emotion and simply desired her happiness. Deep down however I wanted to call for my dad, or run back to our camp site.

"Can I please have a blue and pink one…" she said grabbing the snack from the vendor.

She handed me the cotton candy before taking a huge bite out of hers. My father always told me that his first date with my mother as a married couple was at the Carnival. He said he knew he loved her when he watched her attempt to take a bite of her cotton candy. He said he laughed so hard that night because she didn't know how to eat it.That however, reminded me of how funny that Elizah was the first person to buy me cotton candy after my mothers passing. That alone...was enough to heal part of my broken self.

"Try it, you won't regret it I promise," she said pointing towards hers almost finished

I took a bite out of mine and I hated to admit it but It was pretty good. This food now has this beautiful meaning, it will always remind me of her blushing face handing me the snack.

"How is it?" she asked

"It's terrible…"

"Your terrible," she said running towards a stall, "ill win you a teddy bear maybe you won't be as grumpy as you are."

"You couldn't hit or score anything to save your life,"

"Watch me," she said aiming at the board with vengeance

After an amazing 10 minutes wasted, she finally scored and shoved the teddy bear into my face laughing throughout the rest of the trip. We packed up that night and hit the road afterwards. She was asleep in the back seat as I drove us home. How was I going to get her home if she was already so fast asleep?

I wasn't even allowed to touch her. So I waited for her to get up, before unpacking. She looked so peaceful, extremely beautiful. Before I could continue waiting Zakira arrived with Owais and then we unpacked. I'm starting to regret going on this trip in the first place…I've never been in so much conflict with my feelings before.

It became even more difficult for me to continue being the hurtful mean one between the both of us even if she brushed it off most of the time. I always wanted to look and smell good in front of her. The most confusing part about everything was that it was my first time feeling this way.

"I'm here we can start," she said with a yawn

"Today is our last class then you don't have to deal with my absurdness anymore."

She smiled walking up towards me, "How dumb of me not to realize that such an amazing thing was happening…the closing of the dojo for vacation."

"Whatever, if you continue flooding in your comments I'll take you to the gym every day just to torture you."

"Sorry, you don't have to do that!" she said quickly standing in attention.

I don't want to let go. But I have to, why do I feel this way if we were only separating temporarily?

"We still have to meet up for at least lunch or dinner…" I said

"Yes yes I remember, trust me I wouldn't want to go make you angry about it again. Let's grab a drink before we leave, how about a milkshake?"

"Strawberry?" I said unfolding in my arms.

I quickly folded them...Why, was I so comfortable?

"it's like you're a mind reader."

At times you notice the change around you when someone points it out to you. I don't think I've changed, I think I have been more of myself lately. It was however difficult trying to accept that I was becoming a beautiful butterfly by slowly leaving my cocoon. All thanks to a moron I met by chance. I don't like to seem sentimental or cheesy when talking about the people around me, but slowly I felt like I was becoming a very vulnerable person, who could be easily controlled by her. Why is seeing her happy making me happy? Why is it that I only want the best for her and most importantly why am I yearning for her attention?

Then I do ask myself again, is this all a part of the change, all the confusion and not understanding my feelings?

I wish people wrote reasonable books about these types of things cause thus far I've only found a load of rubbish. I now understand why people don't allow the Internet to diagnose them. It really just throws a bunch of trashy theories at you.

"Let's go!" she said running towards the milkshake shop store down the road, and as I followed her trying to catch up for some reason the wind at that very moment feel different. It joined hands with my heart's harmonious flutter.